How to Parent Through Excessive Complaining.

In the Bible, Philippians 2: 14-15 says “Do everything without grumbling or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.”

I think most of us have experienced when our child has one of those days where they are quick to grumble or tell us about every ache or pain they are experiencing. When they are telling you about the aches and pains they are experiencing, it is with such emotion that you wonder how they are even living through it. Five minutes later, you hear laughing and playing outside and you see that same child playing with their friends outside having what seems to be a pain-free time.

Parents today often ask, “So, when should I take my child seriously and when should I go tone deaf or even dismissive of their complaints?” Some modern counselors will tell you that you should never dismiss your child’s complaints, rather, you should validate their complaints. However, the proof is out on this one - sometimes our kids need to know their irrational complaints need to be shut down sooner rather than later and that it is okay to say “NO” to your kids. Someday they may even thank you.

In Episode # 283 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda discuss how to navigate a child’s excessive complaining. However, this episode is not just limited to children. This idea of how to deal with complainers respectfully is common in so many places - work, school, church, etc. Rock Solid Families wants to tackle this topic because it primarily relates to the home and is the first training step to helping our children recognize and deal more appropriately with their own complaints.

Chronic complainers we interact with in life are typically people who have practiced the act of complaining for a long time. Somehow they seem to believe they were successful with this strategy in the past and keep doing it. However, as we talk about how to deal with the complaints of our children, we want to first lay out a few disclaimers and understandings:

You must handle their complaints appropriately for the season they are in. Remember the seasons:
(Click each link below to listen to our podcast episodes on the different seasons of parenting.)

Season 1: Service 0 - 2 yrs - Service Years
Season 2: Leadership 3-13 yrs - Leadership Years
Season 3: Mentoring 13-18/21 yrs - Mentorship Years
Bonus season: Friend and Counsel 21+ - Emancipation Years

If you have a child in the first season, 0-2 years of age, you never dismiss their cries. In the second season - Leadership, 3-13 years of age, this is where the training takes place to help your kids learn the language of how to express what the emotions are behind the complaint. Early in this season, you can help them by teaching them the actual words of the emotion - “Are you feeling angry? Sad? Tired?…. DO NOT GET INTO THE HABIT OF BEING THE RESCUE PARENT - THEY ARE NO LONGER IN SEASON 1.

Begin to teach your child how to problem solve by teaching them how to ask better questions. “What can I do about my complaint?” Later in Season 2 about ages 8-13, if you’re child leans towards the chronic complainer side, teach them PERSPECTIVE. This is where they can begin to look at life through other people’s eyes. It is also the initial way of learning of EMPATHY for others.

Hear more about parenting through the excessive complaining by listening to our podcast at the link below: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaxk6U4SLRM&t=1459s

http://rocksolidfamilies.org

Being Canceled by Cancel Culture

There were no warnings given. No explanation offered. It was just another normal day at work a few weeks ago when Merrill opened his email to find he had been permanently deleted from Facebook. After several attempts to contact them, they refused to give him any chance to appeal their decision. After all, it’s a free platform and according to the terms and conditions you agreed to when you signed up, they don’t owe you any explanation. 

Mob Rule
Welcome to the world of cancel culture where you can be thrust out of social or professional circles at the click of a button. Maybe you’ve experienced it too? Whether it be online or in person, cancel culture is real but the attitude toward it is as vast as the world wide web. Cancel Culture is all about momentum, so the faster you build alliances with like-minded people, the more you feel protected by the mob. This momentum can be so powerful it can be like a tsunami wave crushing anything in its wake and taking you down a path you never imagined you would ever be on.

Greatest Target of Cancel Culture
The phrase "cancel culture" has been used to describe a wide range of behaviors, including intimidation, exclusion, and online shaming and bullying, but canceling people because of who they are or what they do is nothing new.  The most recognized person who ever walked the earth was a victim of cancel culture - Jesus Christ. He was falsely accused, publicly rejected, and ultimately put to death because he challenged many of the religious beliefs and practices of his day. He was a threat to the political and religious establishment of his time. Despite his physical death, Christians believe he was resurrected on the third day and his message of unconditional love and forgiveness continues to resonate in our world today.

Speaking the Truth in Love
Have you been publicly ridiculed for defending the name of Jesus or speaking God’s truth over a situation? As Christ followers, we are warned over and over again in God’s Word that we will face persecution just as Jesus did. We can only speculate since no warning or explanation was given, but maybe that’s why Merrill was permanently deleted from Facebook? At Rock Solid Families, regardless of what the cultural or political establishments say or do, we will continue to share truths from God’s Word in a way that honors God.

In Acts 4, Peter and John were called unschooled, ordinary men, but yet spoke with great boldness despite the opposition and threats they experienced. The bible calls all believers to “speak the truth in love”. (Ephesians 4:15).  We are told to “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect”. (1 Peter 3:15). 
Four Guiding Principles to Remember

So how should Christians respond to today’s cancel culture? There is no easy answer or one size fits all response, but below are four guiding principles God weaves all throughout his word.

1. We all sin and fall short of God’s glory.  We all make mistakes, and we all say and do things we regret. We should be willing to forgive others, just as God has forgiven us, but this doesn’t mean that we will always be able to ever trust that person again. God does command us to get rid of anger or bitterness. That’s for OUR benefit. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is essential for our own healing and growth. 

2. We are not the judge-God is. We do not know the full story of someone's life, and we cannot know their heart. We should be slow to condemn others, and quick to offer grace and compassion.

3. We are called to speak the truth in love. We should not be afraid to call out injustice and harmful behavior. However, we should do so in a way that is loving and respectful. Our goal should never be rejection or hate but instead love and redemption. 

4. We are called to love and forgive others the way Christ loved and forgave us. This is God’s greatest commandment and it’s the key to overcoming cancel culture. When we focus on loving others, we are less likely to be offended or angered by their words or actions. We are more likely to be understanding and forgiving.

So the next time you feel excluded, shamed, or bullied or see it going on around you, step back and take a deep breath. Don’t react or join in on the mob mentality out of pressure, anger, or fear. Think about a way to respond that would be loving, compassionate, and Christ-like. Help to create a culture of accountability and respect where we can have open and honest conversations about difficult topics even when we disagree. Shine the light of Christ into that darkness and help make a difference in our world today.

We want to thank all our Rock Solid Families partners and sponsors for believing in our mission of strong and healthy families. You are helping to shine the light of Christ into the darkness. We live in a broken world in need of a Savior, and we are committed to offer that HOPE and HEALING to anyone who will listen. For a list of all our Rock Solid Partners, click HERE. Because of you, we can fight for those who can’t fight for themselves and stand for truth even when we are criticized or canceled.

A Different Kind of Freedom

Have you had the chance to see the movie Sound of Freedom yet? Wow! The movie was such a difficult one to watch but such an important one to see about the horrific reality of human trafficking in our world today. I left the movie theatre feeling more convicted than ever that God’s children are not for sale, and we must do whatever we can to help eradicate such atrocities. So if you have a chance to see it in a theatre or stream it at home, please take the time to do so.

Chained by the Past?
Human trafficking is an unspeakable tragedy in our world today and should never be tolerated, but in this article we are talking about a different kind of freedom. With this kind of freedom, YOU hold the key! In our life coaching ministry, we work with so many clients held captive by the chains of their past mistakes or stuck in the pain caused by someone else. Some will say they literally feel imprisoned by the shame. Others come to us feeling haunted by childhood trauma and paralyzed by the fear.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom
There’s a song by Jesus Culture that describes it perfectly.  It’s called “Freedom”. The popular song incorporates a familiar passage of scripture into its lyrics- 2 Corinthians 3:17.  This verse says, now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  

The song, Freedom, starts with the lyrics, Step out of the shadows, step out of the grave. Break into the wild and don't be afraid. Run into wide open spaces, grace is waiting for you. Dance like the weight has been lifted, grace is waiting.Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. 

Hidden in the Dark
What’s holding you captive? Isaiah 61:1 tells us that the Lord has proclaimed freedom for the captives and released the prisoners from darkness. For some it’s their past. Maybe that’s you. Are there things in your past you have never dealt with or still feel ashamed of that keep you trapped?

Whatever you keep secret in the dark, Satan uses against you. He is the one that keeps you bound in chains. A couple months ago, we shared stories of hope and transformation on our Rock Solid Families Podcast, and we shared the story of “Shannon”. (Our client’s name has been changed to protect her privacy)

Shannon’s Story
Shannon came to Rock Solid Families last fall feeling stuck, broken, fearful, and ashamed. Those were her exact words. It took months before she finally felt safe enough to share the darkest part of her story.  She had stuffed the pain and shame of her childhood sexual trauma so deep; her husband was the only one she had ever told in over 40 years. Over the course of two years, Shannon had suffered sexual abuse from a family member when she was just 8 years old. It took her husband finally saying to her “it’s time”, before she ever shared about her childhood trauma in a coaching session.  It was obvious there was something holding her captive, but she was too fearful to share. 

No Longer a Slave to the Secret
Once the “secret” was out, Shannon began to unpack the trauma and heal those deep, infected wounds God’s way. Through God’s divine help, Shannon’s life looks radically different today because of God’s healing power and her courage to come out of the dark. She has finally found her voice and that fear and shame no longer hold her captive. Shannon is feeling hopeful again. She would say she is finally finding that freedom she had always heard about. 

Who Has a Hold Over You?
Maybe it's not trauma or past mistakes that hold you captive. Maybe it’s the words, actions, or attitude of a difficult person in your life that you have allowed to have control over you. Who do you allow to push your buttons? We can’t control others, but we CAN control our response. Our response is OUR responsibility. Don’t let someone else enslave you and hold you captive. Decide today…I will no longer allow that person to have a hold over me. I hold the key to set myself free! Find lasting freedom by setting healthy boundaries around that toxic relationship. Remember the words to the song Freedom we referenced earlier. Dance like the weight has been lifted… Bring all those burdens...bring all those scars. Grace is waiting for you. 

Experiencing a Different Kind of Freedom
Maybe it’s not the mistakes you’ve made or the toxic people around you, but the loss you’ve experienced. Maybe you have been held captive by grief for so long, you don’t even know what it means to experience joy and freedom again. What it means to laugh and smile again. Maybe you have been weighed down by the heaviness of loss...whether it be the death of a loved one or the death of a marriage. Maybe it is the loss of a career or livelihood due to an illness or accident. Maybe the grief has been so intense, you almost feel dead inside.

That same song says, step out of the grave. Break into the wild and don’t be afraid. Run into wide open spaces, grace is waiting for you.  Don’t know how to break free from those chains? Seek professional help. Reach out to us at Rock Solid Families. You don’t have to live as a captive any longer. But remember, what we said from the beginning; this is a different kind of freedom. Freedom is possible, because you my friend hold the key!

Breaking Free from Abuse

Hanging on the wall in my office is one of the sweetest gifts I have ever received from a client. We’ll call her Natalie to protect her and her family. Natalie gave me this beautiful hand painted picture a while back of two girlfriends standing side by side to thank me for walking alongside her during some of her darkest days. It’s a gift I will always treasure as a reminder of HOPE and God’s healing power.

Feeling Like There’s No Way Out
I have had the privilege of walking alongside so many women over the past 30 years who like Natalie are dealing with very difficult and sometimes abusive situations. Made to feel worthless and unlovable through their abuser’s power and control over them, these women often stay in very unhealthy relationships thinking there is no other alternative. Most often it’s coming from a spouse, but I’ve also seen this kind of unhealthy abusive relationship with a parent, boyfriend, or even a sibling.

Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes
My goal is to help women see themselves as God sees them instead of only through the lens of their abuser. It’s hard for women coming out of abusive relationships to break free and find their inner voice and identity in Christ. That was true for Natalie. After leaving her abusive husband, this young mom had to be super intentional about surrounding herself with healthy women who would speak the truth in love to her. This was NOT the time for her to jump back into dating again or get emotionally caught up with another man. She had a lot of healing to do. She had to first receive God’s love and find her worth and value through God’s eyes, not another man’s. 

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse
It’s important for all of us to learn what healthy relationships look like, but it’s especially important for those in abusive ones. Otherwise, the cycle of abuse continues and is passed down to the next generation. At first, the abuser is usually very charming but persuasive slowly exerting more and more control over their victim. After a while, the abuser may try and isolate their victim convincing them to quit their job or pull away from family and friends. If a victim pushes back, an abuser will often use their kids or other family members against her to make her feel guilty or crazy. This is called “gaslighting”. It's hard for women in abusive relationships to not just “give in” and go back into those unhealthy patterns without any help or healing.  They have spent years, sometimes even decades, under the power and control of their abuser to a point where it becomes “normal” and in a strange way even “comfortable”.  

Creating New Healthy Patterns
It’s hard for both the abuser and victim to understand, but it’s near to impossible for help and healing to occur after abuse while both are under the same roof. Most often, a physical separation and a considerable amount of time is needed for new, healthy patterns to be learned and trusted. Often, the most dangerous point in the relationship is when the woman says she is leaving. Feeling his power and control slipping away, the abuser will often escalate things to dangerous threats and physical violence trying to convince the victim to stay. 

Feeling Safe and Loved Again
Natalie shares, “I was finally able to break free from all those years of not feeling worthy of being loved. I am now able to receive love and see myself the way God sees me. I have learned how to use my voice in a positive, healthy way and surround myself with a circle of healthy people. I have slowly learned how to be vulnerable again with safe people. When I look at the mountain of blessings God has given me since breaking free, it gives me hope for tomorrow. Even when the enemy tries to worm his way in, I have hope because God is fighting my battles for me and he has already won.”

Need to Break Free from Abuse?
If you need help breaking free from an abusive relationship, please reach out. You can contact us at 812-576-ROCK. If we can’t help you directly, we will connect you with someone who can. If you are experiencing physical abuse or feel unsafe in your home, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline immediately at 1-800-799-7233. There is HOPE and HELP available. 

Are You Ready For a Vacation?

Spring has sprung, and you know what that means? It's time to start making some summer vacation plans with your family. With only a few years left with our two youngest at home, we’ve tried to be intentional about making memories together. Last summer we went out west and visited places like Sedona and the Grand Canyon. This summer, we are thinking of trying somewhere new, maybe on the northeast coast somewhere.  

Recently, our family spent some time away visiting my parents in Florida over spring break. It’s always fun to escape the dreary March weather and have some fun in the sun. A vacation is defined as a “period of time spent away from home or business-a respite”. Is there such a thing as a respite when you’re vacationing with a junior high boy? I’m just asking for a “friend”. My idea of a vacation is a good book, a cold ice tea, and a comfy lounge chair by the pool. I’ve got our 16 yr old daughter convinced, but that is definitely not the kind of vacation our 14 yr old son enjoys. 

On one of our days in Florida this past spring break, my husband and our teenage son went mountain biking for the afternoon. That guy adventure provided a perfect time for the girls to relax in the pool. It was an amazing day floating on rafts chit chatting with each other while enjoying the calm water and warm sun. That was until we heard the guys return from their adventure and walk through the door. We knew what that meant. Our quiet, relaxing afternoon was about to get cannon balled by a 14 yr old teenager. As we made a beeline for the stairs, our son noticed our quick exit and appeared to get offended. He couldn’t understand why the ladies didn’t want to stay in the pool. He was ready to “have some fun”. So much for the respite!

How about you? Are you an “adventure vacationer” who wants a full itinerary every day of new places to visit and new sites to see? Or are you the “relaxed vacationer” who wants no agenda for your time away? Either way, it’s important that we are intentional about taking vacations and resting our minds. We all need to create some white space or margin in our day, week, and year. Whether it be hiking the Appalachian Trail, cruising the Caribbean or sitting on the beach with a good book, we all need time to relax and reset our mind, body, and spirit.

Like never before, Americans are overworked and sleep deprived. More and more employers are expecting 24 hour access to their employees. Back in the 1940’s, Americans got an average of 7.9 hours of sleep. Now, over 40% of Americans get 6 hours or less of sleep per night. Fifty-four percent of American workers admit to not using all their given vacation time. One fourth of American employees don’t get any paid vacation time at all. Many people are convinced that there are just too many demands, too many responsibilities, too many bills, and too many emergencies to take a vacation. We are living in such a fast-paced, results-oriented world that many people feel like they can’t afford to take time off. They are afraid they’ll be left behind. 

At Rock Solid Families, we are here to say, you can’t afford NOT to take a vacation. Taking time off from the normal stressors of life is essential to your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, professional, and relational health. Every aspect of our lives is negatively affected when our bodies are under a high level of stress. So make a commitment today to get in a better rhythm for your life. Prioritize at least one hour a day, one day a week, and at least one week a year where you will step away from the stressors of life, unplug, and focus on relaxing and unwinding. Maybe, it’s a daily stroll with your spouse. Maybe it’s a weekly church service with your family. Maybe, it’s a mountain bike adventure with your son, or a poolside afternoon with your daughter. Whatever it is, take the time and enjoy the ride. You can’t afford NOT to!

5 Steps to Finding Your Identity and Purpose

She could hardly look up at me, as I we sat in my office on that hot summer day. She was so weighed down by the guilt and shame from her past, she had no idea how to even answer my questions. “Who is Dawn*, and why is she here?” All she could do was cry…and cry…and cry. It was an ugly cry. It was a couple sessions of ugly cries, but after she had a chance to let the pain go, it was time to begin the healing process. It was time to discover the answers to those two all important questions that would change her life forever-”Who are you?” and “Why are you here?”

Identity and Purpose
I don’t know what the weather is like where you are right now or where you are in life, but I want to talk to you for a moment about two things that are important in any season of our lives- Identity and Purpose. My husband and I have worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families over the past 30 years who have struggled with one or both of these things. Honestly, identity and purpose are so closely connected, it’s hard to even separate the two. It’s hard to have one without the other.

What About You?
I didn’t just ask Dawn those two questions on that hot July day. I’m asking you, too. “Who are you and why are you here?” It doesn’t matter your age either. You can be an 18 year old young woman and have a very clear vision of your identity and purpose, or you can be a 50 year old man and have no idea. If we were sitting in my office together right now, and I asked you those questions, what would you say?

Not Enough
I can still see the look on one teenage girl’s face not too long ago when I asked her those same two questions. Her answers made my heart sink. “Who am I you ask? Well, I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough”, she said. That’s all she could give me. No wonder she struggled with anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. In her mind, she couldn’t even think of a reason for her to still be here.

Don’t Leave Your Heart Unprotected
You see when we don’t know who we are and why we are here, we set ourselves up for disaster. We allow our minds and hearts to be unprotected and we get wounded and offended easily. We allow the world or someone around us to define us and determine our worth and purpose. Not understanding our identity and purpose is causing one of the greatest epidemics today especially in our children and young adults. It is what is causing this huge crisis in the areas of: gender identity, self harm, hate, division, divorce, suicide, depression, anxiety-you name it.

Starts With You
So what can we do to combat this crisis? How can we help ourselves and those we love from falling into this deadly trap? I’m glad you asked. It starts with YOU. You can’t give someone else something you don’t have yourself. So here are five easy steps to finding YOUR identity and purpose.

Five Steps to Finding Your Identity and Purpose

1. Stay Away From the Lies. Make sure you don’t fall for the lies of identity. These are some common lies we all are tempted to believe when it comes to who we are. They are all sinking sand…

   • I am what I have

   • I am what I do

   • I am what other people say or think of me

   • I am nothing more than my worst mistake

   • I am nothing less than my best accomplishment

2. Commit to an Abundant Mindset-Commit to healthy, positive self talk for yourself and those you care about. Don't be a victim of your circumstances and focus on what you don’t have. Live in an abundant mindset and focus on what you do have. Fix your eyes on being content and grateful for what God has given you and what he has already done in your life. God can take the ugliest of circumstances and create some of the most beautiful victories. 

3. Build on a Strong Faith Foundation-Build an identity and purpose on something that doesn't change like the lies mentioned above. This is where a faith foundation can be critical to a healthy, positive identity and purpose for your life. God created you on purpose for a purpose! Build on His truths.

4. Surround Yourself With Healthy People-Surround yourself with people who will help you. Maybe it’s a mentor, pastor, coach, counselor, healthy friend, someone who will walk alongside you in this journey of self discovery and awareness. Let go of relationships who hold you back from your true identity and purpose. 

5. No More Excuses-Decide today to make this the year you find your identity and purpose in life. Stop floundering and letting everyone else decide who you are and why you are here on this earth. Once you discover who God has created you to be and the amazing plans he has for your life, it won’t matter the circumstances around you. You will have built your life on something that is unshakable even in the middle of the most intense storm. Once you start to understand who you are and why you are here, you will experience a contagious peace and joy that can never be taken away. That, my friends, is the kind of pandemic we need in our world today! 

   *Name changed to protect confidentiality

Will They Ever Leave?

Have you ever had family or friends outstay their welcome?  How about you, have you ever outstayed your welcome in someone’s home?  What does it mean to no longer feel like you are welcomed? When our adult kids come back to visit, for example, we are full of excitement to see them and catch up on the latest in their lives.  The energy, conversation, and time spent together is amazing.  But then, things begin to change.  After a time we can all feel the newness of the visit wearing down and there is almost a feeling of everyone treading on each other’s feet.  Simple things like how many cars are parked in the driveway that I have to be aware of so I don’t back into one of them.  Taking turns in the kitchen to make myself lunch. Having a conversation of give and take on what television show is going to be watched.  All of this and not to mention the significant increase in the amount of food, laundry, and cleanup to keep the house running.  Suddenly, there is a feeling of, “okay, I’m ready to get my life back”.  

But, what if I told you there was no end in sight of your guests leaving?  This is the case more and more, as we see adult children coming back under the roof of their parents.  Parents love helping their children, but sometimes the helping gesture begins to turn sour.  Parents begin to feel used and intruded upon, and in some cases, the adult children begin to feel like they are being mothered all over again.  Small cracks in the relationship begin to turn into wide canyons. Before you know it the family is breaking down, and no one is happy.  

This scene is real in many homes today, and the difficult news is that it seems to be a growing trend.  The good news is that there are many things we can do to make these visits a pleasant and helpful experience for everyone involved. Understanding how to communicate in advance of saying yes to your house guests is key, and boundaries are a must!  What’s mine is yours and yours is mine often does not float well when a bunch of adults are under one roof together.  Set some clear boundaries and draw out some specific expectations beforehand to avoid confusion and hurt in the relationship later.  And finally, determine an end date before you even get started.   Leaving the stay open-ended can be a sure-fire means to destruction in many homes and relationships. Having a vision for how long something is going to last helps to give everyone the mental strength to endure when things get challenging.  Put a date on the calendar even if you are unsure of what is next for your house guests. That way you have the opportunity to revisit the situation and honestly evaluate whether or not this is still working for the host.

The value of family is incredibly important, and we want to protect it and keep it that way. We don’t want families to have a sour taste in their mouth for one another because of blurred boundary lines or unspoken resentment. We want to raise our kids to be self-sufficient and responsible adults.  When we have done this well, we can avoid challenging overstays that seem to become endless intrusions on our lives. Minimize the family drama and maximize the family experience by leading well during these times.     

Click HERE to listen to Episode 152 of Rock Solid Radio, Will They Ever Leave?

Click HERE to watch Episode 152 of Rock Solid Radio, Will They Ever Leave?

Start Young

On this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio, Episode 151- “Do you want a child centered home?”, we shared with our listeners and viewers why a child centered home is a recipe for disaster. We layed out the biblical model for a strong and healthy home-God, Marriage, Children.

This approach to parenting and family starts young, usually at the fun stage we like to call the “terrible twos”. You know that season of parenting when our little ones begin their quest for autonomy and independence. It’s a pivotal season for parents as they decide and model the authority in the home. It can definitely be an exhausting battle as the toddler exercises his/her new found voice and strong will, but it’s one that parents MUST be intentional about if the kids have any chance of success later in life.

If you are a single parent and are tempted to give in or give up the fight because it’s too hard, please keep reading. It can be done, and it is so worth the energy now to prevent bigger headaches later. 

I’ve worked with children for over 30 years and I get it. There is no foolproof method and no easy ride. Our children will find every way possible to push our buttons and wear us down. We’re not going to get it all right and our kids are not going to either. This is a parenting journey not a destination, and please don’t expect this season to go perfectly. You’re going to blow it. I know I did...many times, but I got back on the horse and stayed the course. Here are a few priceless lessons your children and grandchildren will quickly learn if we fight for a God Centered home instead of a Child Centered one:

1. “You’re not the Boss”- Kids quickly get the message that mommy, daddy, and anyone else responsible for their care are the boss. The respect for authority starts from the moment they can walk and talk. Learning this important lesson early and reinforcing it at every stage of development equips your child for the real world and sets them up for success later on. We will always have people in authority over us in life-teachers, bosses, police, etc. It’s better if we get used to it early.

2. “No Manners, No Way”-Even at the young age of two, our granddaughter already knew that manners were a must. It was “Yes, please” and “No thank you” if she had any chance of getting what she wanted. Even getting up from the table after a meal required a polite ask to be excused

3. “Waiting not Whining”-Whether it’s entertaining themselves before dinner or waiting in the check-out line, patience is a learned behavior. Throwing fits should never get a child what they want. 

4. “We’re A Team”-Serving should start young. Everyone in your home should have a job. It may be picking up toys, throwing a diaper in the trash, or putting dishes in the sink, but even a two year old can help.

5. “You are Loved”-There’s not a day that should go by that your child doesn’t hear you say, “I love you”. But words are not enough. Children can pick up on your mood and emotions. Be careful disciplining in anger. Make sure you always circle back around and reassure your child that they are loved. It makes a child feel safe and secure.That way they don’t equate discipline with rejection. 

6. “Follow Me”-None of the lessons above mean anything unless they are practiced as well as taught. The old saying of “walking the walk not just talking the talk” is so true. The apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 11: 1 says, “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.” Whether you like it or not, your child is watching your every move and will learn best by what is modeled around them.  When in doubt, look to the example of Christ. He is the ultimate role model. If you don’t respect and obey his authority, most likely they won’t either. If you don’t serve others with a generous heart, how will they ever learn to? As a parent if you don’t regularly remind them how much they are loved, they will go searching for someone who will and chances are it won’t be in a positive way.

I know none of this is rocket science, so why aren't more parents doing it? Respect for authority, manners, serving others are just a few character qualities that are becoming extinct in society today. So many parents have disengaged. Giving in seems so much easier to an exhausted dad or overwhelmed mom.  Tablets and smartphones with instant gratification have replaced parenting and patience. 

Let’s turn the tide in this next generation. I'm so thankful for the many young parents who are setting some healthy boundaries and basic life rules in their family. Let’s get back to those virtues and qualities that not only make our home one of peace and love but our world a much better place to live.

Click HERE to watch to Episode 151 of Rock Solid Radio, Do You Want a Child Centered Home?

Click HERE to listen to Episode 151 of Rock Solid Radio, Do You Want a Child Centered Home?

Skyler's Story-Finding Light in the Darkness

Hi everyone! My name is Skyler, a 23 year old nursing student from Northern Kentucky.  I could not be more excited to finish my RN in December with only one more semester left!  I have been attending Rock Solid Families for about 8 months now, and it has changed my life. When life got rough, I was blessed enough to have this faith based organization to turn to. 

Was It My Fault?
Earlier this year, I lost a very special person in my life to suicide, and just a couple months later, I lost my grandma due to some fast progressing health issues. It was as if I couldn't catch a break, or get my head out of the dark place I was in. I remember thinking, "why didn't I do more for my friend?  “His suicide was all my fault”’ Losing those two special people in my life in such a short time really took a toll on my mind and heart.

 Pray To God... Now?

I remember my mom telling me, "pray to God. He will help you through this. He hears how upset you are and wants to help you." I remember thinking there was no way I could pray in a time like this. It was a constant battle between giving it all to God or suffering in my own mind and dealing with this heartbreak. It was in those darkest moments when I found God with his arms open wide.

 Best Day of My Life
I started praying every chance I could get. I spent time with God and His Word.  I surrendered all my pain and suffering at his feet. I couldn't have picked a better decision during a time when I felt completely numb. God showed me through his word and his people that he’s been with me all along, even when I wasn’t reaching out to him. It's because of his grace and mercy, I am where I am today. I was baptized into Christ on January 31st, 2021 at Seven Hills Church in Florence, Ky.  I was surrounded by so much love that day. It was one of the best days of my life!  I continue to grow closer and closer to Christ attending church every Sunday with family and friends giving back to him what he so generously has given to me.

 Building On A Rock Solid Foundation
Before coming to Rock Solid Families, I had never experienced anything like one on one coaching. Linda listened and gave me the tools to grow closer to God. It’s exactly what I needed, and I don’t know where I would be today without this rock solid foundation. I have learned so much about myself, and how God really works in my life. Linda helped me find a bible I could read and understand, and that has been a huge blessing. I am so thankful God led me to Rock Solid Families. If you're looking for a place where you’re not judged but accepted with the love of Christ, then this is where you need to be. 

 Light In The Darkness
I am still working on the grieving process in my sessions with Linda. Some days are harder than others.  I am not sure my heart will ever be 100% healed, but I do know without a doubt that God loves me and is alive and active in my life. I want to be a light to people in dark times, and I want to help others with their struggles like God’s people did for me. I want to be living proof that God can help in the darkest times and protect you in whatever storm you may face.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. 

Isaiah 43:2