Is Your Phone Controlling You?

In a world where our phones seem glued to our hands, it’s worth asking: Is your phone controlling you, or are you controlling your phone?

As Christians, we’re called to live with intentionality, wisdom, and self-control — but our devices can subtly become idols that steal our time, attention, and even our peace. I honestly have found myself lately making my phone an idol; receiving more of my attention than my own family. However, if you are still in denial about this then I challenge you to ask yourself these three questions:

• Do you check your phone first thing in the morning — before praying or thanking God for a new day?

• Is it hard to put your phone down during meals, conversations, or even church?

• Do you feel anxious or restless when you're without your phone?

• Does screen time leave you feeling drained, not refreshed?

If you answered yes to any of these questions then I would really question yourself “who is in control? Me or my phone?

One of the best things I could do is to make my smartphone equivalent to a flip phone. What I mean by that is removing all of the extra apps. This will look different for each individual. For example, you might find yourself needing to remove ESPN, games, Youtube TV, etc. For me, I needed to remove all of the different shopping apps: (Kroger, Sams, Costco, Thrive Market, Amazon, Target, etc.). In my personal reflection of how I use my phone, I quickly realized that something that once was a strength of mine has turned into an unhealthy trait. What I mean by that, is I have always loved being prepared, organized, and constantly thinking ahead. (One might quickly realize the root of this is control; this is a topic for another time). However, I used to be able to save my grocery list management for evenings when my daughter was fast asleep. However, it turned into constant scrolling through good bargains, constantly looking for healthier/better things, etc. Did I need all of this? No. From my quick personal assessment I realized that dumbing down my phone for me, looked like doing all of my grocery orders on my computer rather than my phone. Yes, this can be inconvenient at times as we are all used to solving problems such as these, in the matter of seconds by opening the app on our phone and selecting “check out”. Now, I allocate time for myself to really assess if this is needed. Most times it is not. 

Reclaiming Control Here’s how to break free and use your phone more intentionally:

• Start Your Day with God, Not Your Phone: Begin your morning with prayer, scripture, or quiet reflection before you check your notifications. For me, I am challenging myself to not have my phone on my nightstand. 

• Set Time Limits: Many phones have built-in screen time trackers — use them to create healthy boundaries. Challenge everyone in your house to have less than 3 hours of screentime.

• Turn Off Non-Essential Notifications: This cuts down on interruptions and helps you stay present.

• Schedule Tech-Free Time: Dedicate parts of your day or week to be completely phone-free — like during meals, family time, or personal devotion.

• Ask God for Help: Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Pray for wisdom and strength to resist the pull of your phone.

Philippians 4:8 “​​Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” This verse reminds us to think about what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Let’s use our devices in ways that reflect those values.

Lastly, The Danger of Distraction Phones are powerful tools, but they can also be powerful distractions. Social media, endless notifications, and constant scrolling pull us away from what matters most — time with God, our families, and meaningful relationships. Ephesians 5:15-16 reminds us, "Be very careful, then, how you live — not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." How often do we lose precious moments to mindless browsing? 

Where can you take a baby step today to gain control over your phone?

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Being Canceled by Cancel Culture

There were no warnings given. No explanation offered. It was just another normal day at work a few weeks ago when Merrill opened his email to find he had been permanently deleted from Facebook. After several attempts to contact them, they refused to give him any chance to appeal their decision. After all, it’s a free platform and according to the terms and conditions you agreed to when you signed up, they don’t owe you any explanation. 

Mob Rule
Welcome to the world of cancel culture where you can be thrust out of social or professional circles at the click of a button. Maybe you’ve experienced it too? Whether it be online or in person, cancel culture is real but the attitude toward it is as vast as the world wide web. Cancel Culture is all about momentum, so the faster you build alliances with like-minded people, the more you feel protected by the mob. This momentum can be so powerful it can be like a tsunami wave crushing anything in its wake and taking you down a path you never imagined you would ever be on.

Greatest Target of Cancel Culture
The phrase "cancel culture" has been used to describe a wide range of behaviors, including intimidation, exclusion, and online shaming and bullying, but canceling people because of who they are or what they do is nothing new.  The most recognized person who ever walked the earth was a victim of cancel culture - Jesus Christ. He was falsely accused, publicly rejected, and ultimately put to death because he challenged many of the religious beliefs and practices of his day. He was a threat to the political and religious establishment of his time. Despite his physical death, Christians believe he was resurrected on the third day and his message of unconditional love and forgiveness continues to resonate in our world today.

Speaking the Truth in Love
Have you been publicly ridiculed for defending the name of Jesus or speaking God’s truth over a situation? As Christ followers, we are warned over and over again in God’s Word that we will face persecution just as Jesus did. We can only speculate since no warning or explanation was given, but maybe that’s why Merrill was permanently deleted from Facebook? At Rock Solid Families, regardless of what the cultural or political establishments say or do, we will continue to share truths from God’s Word in a way that honors God.

In Acts 4, Peter and John were called unschooled, ordinary men, but yet spoke with great boldness despite the opposition and threats they experienced. The bible calls all believers to “speak the truth in love”. (Ephesians 4:15).  We are told to “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect”. (1 Peter 3:15). 
Four Guiding Principles to Remember

So how should Christians respond to today’s cancel culture? There is no easy answer or one size fits all response, but below are four guiding principles God weaves all throughout his word.

1. We all sin and fall short of God’s glory.  We all make mistakes, and we all say and do things we regret. We should be willing to forgive others, just as God has forgiven us, but this doesn’t mean that we will always be able to ever trust that person again. God does command us to get rid of anger or bitterness. That’s for OUR benefit. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is essential for our own healing and growth. 

2. We are not the judge-God is. We do not know the full story of someone's life, and we cannot know their heart. We should be slow to condemn others, and quick to offer grace and compassion.

3. We are called to speak the truth in love. We should not be afraid to call out injustice and harmful behavior. However, we should do so in a way that is loving and respectful. Our goal should never be rejection or hate but instead love and redemption. 

4. We are called to love and forgive others the way Christ loved and forgave us. This is God’s greatest commandment and it’s the key to overcoming cancel culture. When we focus on loving others, we are less likely to be offended or angered by their words or actions. We are more likely to be understanding and forgiving.

So the next time you feel excluded, shamed, or bullied or see it going on around you, step back and take a deep breath. Don’t react or join in on the mob mentality out of pressure, anger, or fear. Think about a way to respond that would be loving, compassionate, and Christ-like. Help to create a culture of accountability and respect where we can have open and honest conversations about difficult topics even when we disagree. Shine the light of Christ into that darkness and help make a difference in our world today.

We want to thank all our Rock Solid Families partners and sponsors for believing in our mission of strong and healthy families. You are helping to shine the light of Christ into the darkness. We live in a broken world in need of a Savior, and we are committed to offer that HOPE and HEALING to anyone who will listen. For a list of all our Rock Solid Partners, click HERE. Because of you, we can fight for those who can’t fight for themselves and stand for truth even when we are criticized or canceled.

Parenting in a Tech Heavy World

As a parent or grandparent, are you desperate for some help in the area of technology/social media?  In his book, The Tech Wise Family, author Andy Crouch surveyed a thousand parents of children ages 4-17 and asked them, “What is the number one concern you have as a parent?” Out of a thousand surveyed, the number one thing parents were concerned about for their children was technology/social media.

Finding a healthy balance in this fast paced, ever changing digital age is so hard for families today. Parents have nothing to draw from or compare it to. They didn’t grow up with a phone in their pocket that demanded their attention 24/7. Parents are struggling on how to find that healthy balance for their family. The constant demand for connectedness and the increasing stress they face every day is becoming overwhelming for our kids. This tech heavy world is too difficult for children to navigate alone.

My husband and I feel like we have parented children in two different worlds. Raising our two older sons just 10 years ago looked very different than raising our three youngest today. Shortly after adopting our youngest three a few years ago, we began hearing things like “If you loved me, you’d buy me a phone.” “I’m the ONLY one in my class without a phone.” So many children and parents have mistakenly equated technology with love.  Not wanting their child to feel ostracized or left out, parents give in to the pressure purchasing devices they often can't afford and putting them in the hands of kids who often can’t handle them.

Many adults rationalize their technology decisions with their kids by comparing it to their own technology use.  I often hear parents say things like, “My kids already know more about technology than I do. Why bother?” “I’m tired of the fight. If you can’t beat them, join them”  “I’ve got good kids. This really doesn’t apply to me”. “They are just like me. I can’t live without it either.”

As a parent or grandparent, we can NOT afford to be passive bystanders or hide our heads in the sand. Our society is reaping the consequences of our decisions, and our children’s health is at stake!  Much research has been done on the detrimental effects excessive screen usage has on a child’s brain development. A child’s prefrontal cortex, the decision making part of the brain, is not fully developed until their early 20’s. Many children today are suffering from Excessive Screen Syndrome (ESS) which causes a hyper arousal of a child’s sensitive nervous system creating dysfunction in school, home and social interactions. ESS affects sleep, diet, behavior, family dynamics and school performance. Do you know a child struggling with irritability, depression, tantrums, poor self-regulation, social immaturity, insomnia, oppositional-defiant behaviors, disorganized behavior, poor sportsmanship, or learning difficulties? Researchers would contend that it very well could be because of excessive screen time. (Reset Your Child’s Brain, Victoria Dunckley MD, 2015)

“We’ve made a conscious decision in our home to stop giving our kids what they WANT or what the world says they should have and start giving them what they NEED! ”

— Linda Hutchinson

Teaching your child self control NOW has a direct correlation to their health and success as an adult. (The Collapse of Parenting, Dr. Leonard Sax, 2017) As parents, we must decide now that character traits like self control, integrity, and honesty take priority over how connected we are to the world. We’ve made a conscious decision in our home to stop giving our kids what they WANT or what the world says they should have and start giving them what they NEED!  Yes, technology is a regular battle in our home too, but remember you are the parent. Kelly Newcom, author and founder of Brave Parenting, writes about this very topic in her book, Managing Media-Creating Character. Kelly (Rodden) Newcom, an East Central High School grad, grew up in SE Indiana and now lives in Texas with her husband and 7 children. Her book is a great resource for any parent.

Technology/social media is here to stay and can be used for positive things, but don’t be naive to think it doesn’t come at a cost. How many more horror stories do we have to read about in the paper or hear on the news?  Cyber bullying, sexting, suicide, murder….when do we finally say something has to change? I believe we can help by starting in our homes. Here are some practical suggestions to help you create a healthy media plan for your family. Together, we can make a difference.

• CREATE A FAMILY MEDIA PLAN-Have a family meeting. Set the reset button and model for your children a healthy balance with technology. Develop a family media plan with limits and guidelines and stick to it. Remember, you are not their friend; you are their parent. There’s a difference! Consistency is the key. Click HERE to create a family media plan today.

• LIMIT ACCESS AND USAGE-Set screen time limits for your whole house based on their age and maturity and enforce them.The longer you wait to give a child a phone, the longer you have influence over their decisions. The minute they can access a friend without your permission, you’ve lost your voice and place as the primary influence in their lives. Let go SLOW. Don’t use screens as a pacifier or babysitter. For screen time guidelines for different ages and more help on this topic, go to healthychildren.org.

• NO SCREENS AT THE DINNER TABLE-Spend the time talking about the highs and lows of the day and investing in the relationships around you. Your spouse and children need to know they take priority over your phone.

• NO SCREENS IN A CHILD’S BEDROOM-Sleep deprivation is the biggest culprit for the anxiety, depression, and learning difficulties our kids are experiencing today. Charge all phones and tablets in a parent’s bedroom including friends who spend the night.

• LIMIT SOCIAL MEDIA-Do not recommend for elementary or middle school students. Monitor activity. Inappropriate behavior results in no social media. Know accounts and passwords. Remember, you are still the parent and as long as you are paying the bills and they are under your roof, you have the power!

Need help navigating these uncharted waters of technology/social media as a family? Contact us at 812-576-ROCK or rocksolidfamilies.org.