The True Narrative

This season, I have been invited into countless stories—testimonies of real people, walking through real pain, longing for relief, clarity, answers, or change. Some hold tightly to a flicker of hope. Others have lived without it for so long that hope feels like an impossibility, a foreign language, something meant for someone else. When we are surrounded by chaos, it becomes nearly impossible to see a bigger picture—to recognize that our personal story is woven into a much grander narrative. In those dark moments, doubt creeps in, whispering, “What good could ever come from this?” The chapters we are living today may feel so dark, so overwhelming, that we begin to assume every future page will read the same.

Yet Psalm 139 reminds us: “For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb… Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book.”

How do we hold onto that truth when our present-day story feels so broken? There were many seasons in my life when I longed for a rewrite—a clean slate, a chance to start again. I believed a do-over would somehow make everything right. But with time, I began to understand: even if I could rewrite my circumstances, it wouldn’t have rewritten me. Changing circumstances does not change a person.

Somewhere along the way, subtle lies slipped into my narrative—quietly, gradually—until they shaped my thoughts, emotions, and choices. I forgot that my story was always part of God’s story.

A story of rescue.

A story of forgiveness.

A story where wounds, fear, running, and loss do not get the final word.

When I look back now, I see clearly how the enemy tried to hijack my story and write an ending marked by defeat. But that was never God’s plan. Instead, He stepped into the broken chapters and offered me brand-new ones—pages of healing, growth, and redemption that I could never have penned on my own.

God is always authoring a bigger story of redemption than we can comprehend. C.S. Lewis writes, “Mere improvement is not redemption.” God wants more for us than a sprinkling of self-help. When we surrender to Him, we invite Him to move in our lives in ways we simply cannot orchestrate ourselves. And nothing—absolutely nothing—is too broken for Him to restore. This is the true narrative of Christmas.

Let Him write your story.

Let Him transform false narratives.

Let Him have the last word.

Discovering Your God-Given Gifts This Christmas Season

Hi, I’m Andy Dalton, one of the Life Coaches at Rock Solid Families. Having worked with young adults—especially young men—for the past 12 years, I’ve spent countless hours talking about calling, purpose, and the gifts God has placed in each of us. With Christmas approaching—a season of giving—I wanted to reflect on the way God gifts us not just with talents, but with mission.

What Are Our Giftings For?
When most people talk about giftings, they’re referring to abilities God has woven into their lives—public speaking, artistic skill, musical talent, athletic ability, compassion for others, and so on. It’s common for young adults to assume that these talents should directly guide their career path. Maybe you love helping people, so you pursue nursing. Or maybe you’re athletic and want to coach.
Nothing wrong with that! I wholeheartedly believe God delights when we use what He’s given us.

But Christmas reminds us that God’s gifts are always meant for His mission, not simply our success.
Which leads me to a phrase that has challenged me deeply…

“God Doesn’t Call the Equipped—He Equips the Called”
You won’t find these exact words in Scripture, but you’ll certainly see them lived out.

Moses (Exodus 4), the disciples (Matthew 4), and the early church (1 Corinthians 1) remind us that God often chooses those who feel unprepared for the mission He gives them. Christmas itself is the ultimate example—God sent His Son in the most unexpected form: a baby in a manger.
So what does this phrase really mean?

Is it telling us to ignore our talents and leap into the unknown?
Not exactly.

A Gift Given Becomes a Gift Offered
Let me introduce you to Beth.

Beth is gifted in art, but she doesn’t love large groups. Teaching sounds overwhelming. Yet she senses God leading her into an art classroom. Why? Because her gentle nature and compassion match what her students desperately need. Her artistic gift becomes a doorway to mission. God uses what she already has—and then equips her further as she steps forward in faith.

Now, meet Robert.
He works in business and is great at it. His ability to connect with people led him to a sales career. But over time, he feels God tugging him somewhere quieter—toward country life, homeschooling, and building community. Though it stretches him in new ways, the calling becomes a mission field for his family. God isn’t wasting his gifts—He’s redirecting them for a new purpose.

My Story
This Christmas, I find myself resonating with both Beth and Robert. For years, I thought I was settled into a career that fit my natural abilities perfectly. Yet slowly, God began stirring my heart toward something different—a call that felt bigger than my confidence. As my family and I prayed, the phrase kept returning:
“God doesn’t call the equipped—He equips the called.” So here I am—stepping out of my comfort zone and into a new mission with Rock Solid Families, trusting that Jesus will guide me just as He guided those He has called throughout history.

Christmas: A Season of Calling
At Christmas, we celebrate the greatest gift of all—Jesus. But we also remember that His coming was a call to mission. The shepherds left their fields. The wise men left their country. Mary and Joseph followed God’s voice, even when it made no earthly sense. Their giftings weren’t the point, their obedience was.

And as they obeyed, God equipped them. The same is true for you and me.

So, What About You? This isn’t an article designed to answer where God is calling you. Instead, I hope it encourages a conversation—maybe around the dinner table this Christmas, or in quiet moments with the Lord.

Ask Him:

• Where are You leading me?

• How have You gifted me for Your mission?

• What step of faith are You inviting me to take?

• with trusted believers who know you well. Seek wise counsel.

Talk with trusted believers who know you well. Seek wise counsel. And remember—your story is unique. God rarely writes the same script twice.

The Gift of Trust
I don’t have all the answers—far from it. But here’s what I’ve learned:

• Jesus has never led me astray.

• When He calls, He provides.

• His mission always calls us to trust - not just our abilities, but His power.

This Christmas, as we celebrate God’s greatest gift, may we remember that we are also gifted for His mission. Sometimes that mission aligns perfectly with our talents; other times, God grows us into new territory. Either way, He equips us for the journey. May you follow Him boldly, trust Him deeply, and enjoy the ride.

Merry Christmas, God bless, and walk in His calling!

Bless This Mess: Turning Chores Into Worship

For the past few months, I have been in what I call my “homemaker” era – wanting to constantly clean out closets & drawers, trying new recipes, being intentional with family time, making sure all people and all of the things are taken care of, trying to keep up on laundry, etc. The other day, while aimlessly scrolling on Instagram, I saw a quote that said, “Homemaking without God becomes productivity. Homemaking with God becomes worship,” and it hit me like a brick wall. I asked myself…. was I doing all this stuff around the house to provide peace in my home, and to serve my family, or was I striving to earn a badge of busyness, or trying to achieve perfection? I think we all know the answer to this one.

Homemaking without God leads us to be motivated by productivity, perfection, and ultimately control over every aspect of our home. Have you ever cleaned the entire house just to get frustrated that 2 hours later, everyone returns home from work and school to simply live there? You think, “The AUDACITY these people have to use more dishes, have more dirty laundry, use the bathroom, and track dirt in from the back yard. (insert eye roll)” All of these frustrated feelings are rooted in perfectionism and people pleasing. When we look at it through this lens, we are measuring our worth and success by how tidy our house is or how many homemade meals we made this week. This is simply exhausting.

But what if we shifted our mindset to include God in our homemaking? This brings a sense of presence, purpose, and peace to our lives and our home. We become motivated to serve our family, feeling thankful that our kids have clean clothes, or grateful that we can cook a hot meal to enjoy with those around our table. This not only brings HIS presence and peace into the seemingly mundane tasks, but this mindset also helps us recognize part of our purpose through Christ, and that is to help serve others, which includes our families.

Instead of our home becoming a place of perfection, it turns into a place of refuge and relaxation. Instead of feeling stressed, we start to feel blessed. We shift from “I have a ton of laundry to do before I can even think about what to cook for dinner” to folding laundry with gratitude, cooking with love, and cleaning as an act of service to those under the same roof.

Now I know what you’re thinking – this is way easier said than done. You’re not alone in that feeling. It is HARD to shift your mindset when it comes to homemaking, but I want to offer a practical way to help you make those first steps:

Chore Prayers. Invite God into the small, everyday tasks. Pray and ask for God to be with you, to guide you, or to open your eyes to see Him in the everyday.

Some examples:

• “Lord, thank you for this food which provides nourishment to my family. Please help me prepare today’s meals with joy and thanksgiving.”

• “Lord, thank you for this home. As I go about the day preparing a space of relaxation and refuge for my family, please fill our home with your peace.”

• “Lord, thank you for my family. Use my hands to serve them well today.”

Whereas I wish I could say there was some magical cleaning schedule or meal calendar that if we followed it, life would be easier… I don’t think there is. I've come to realize that it's not about what we do in our day-to-day, but rather WHY we do it and how. With God, homemaking can become worship.

The Mental Health Benefits of Thankfulness and Gratitude

We live in an ever-changing world that moves quickly—constantly pulling our attention

to what we don’t have, what we need to achieve, or what isn’t going right. Before we

know it, the world, current events, and life circumstances, for example, can become

more than what is happening around us and can impact us deeply by infiltrating our

minds and hearts. We can quickly feel weighed down by stress, comparison, and

negativity.

But there’s a simple, powerful practice that can shift our perspective and improve our

well-being: gratitude. Paul writes in Philippians 4: 4 - 7, “ Rejoice in the Lord always. I

will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not

be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with

thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends

all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Here, Paul

encourages us that the posture of thanksgiving and gratitude puts us in a position to

receive God’s peace, and this peace protects our hearts and minds.

Gratitude and the Brain

When we practice thankfulness, our brains actually change. Research shows that

expressing gratitude activates regions of the brain associated with dopamine and

serotonin—those “feel-good” chemicals that lift our mood. Over time, gratitude can help

rewire the brain to focus more on positive experiences and less on negative ones.

Also, when we are overwhelmed, there’s a part of our brain called the ‘amygdala’ that

can be overly triggered, impacting its function. The amygdala is a vital part of the brain

that plays a critical role in processing emotions, regulating anxiety, and contributing to

good decision-making. It’s also notorious for false alarms. When the amygdala is

triggered by stress, for example, it impacts our thinking and our ability to respond

rationally. Paul is right! When we slow down, and bring our concerns to God, we can

actually stabilize our amygdala’s functioning, allowing peace to override our distractions

and worries.

Living in the Present

Gratitude acts like an antidote to stress. When we pause to recognize what’s good in

our lives—even small things like a kind word, a warm cup of coffee, or a moment of

laughter—it helps calm the nervous system. Instead of dwelling on worry or fear,

gratitude brings us back to the present moment and reminds us of what is stable, safe,

and hopeful. We become grounded in the present and not in the regrets of the past or

the goals or ‘what ifs’ of the future.

Strengthening Relationships

Expressing thankfulness doesn’t just boost our own mental health—it strengthens our

connections with others. Whether it’s a heartfelt “thank you” to a friend, or writing down

what you appreciate about your spouse or coworker, gratitude builds trust, warmth, and

a sense of belonging. Stronger relationships are a cornerstone of mental well-being.

A Simple Practice

Gratitude doesn’t require hours of your time or special tools. Here are a few simple

ways to begin:

● Keep a gratitude journal. Each day, jot down three things you’re thankful for.

Writing down three things we’re thankful for each day can retrain our brains to

notice what’s going well, instead of only what’s missing

● Say it out loud. Express thanks to someone in your life today.

● Pause in the moment and pray. When something small brings you joy, take a

few moments to reflect and pray.

Thankfulness doesn’t erase life’s challenges, but it gives us a healthier lens to face

them. By choosing gratitude, we cultivate resilience, peace, and joy—even in difficult

seasons.

Gratitude is more than a practice—it’s a mindset that can open the door to real and

lasting peace in your life.

Hi I'm Kimm! An Introduction To Rock Solid Families Newest Staff Member.

Hello! My name is Kimm Hackworth, and I’m grateful for the chance to share a little bit about myself and my family with you.

I’m married with three children all in their early 20s. Matt, my husband, and I met in

2009 – we met online (back when E Harmony was a thing!). He will never let me forget that I called him by the wrong name when we were first chatting (“It’s so nice to hear from you again Mike!” (oops!) ). I knew I found a gracious man when he took it in stride and called me ‘Sally’ in his reply.

We both had been single for 6 years raising young children as single parents. We knew very quickly that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and married in January 2010. At that time, our kids were aged 7, 8, and 8. Now they are 22, 23, and 24. The blended family road has had many twists and turns. We’ve failed, survived and thrived at various points along the way. I trust it will all be used to encourage others who walk a similar road.

Today, Matt and I enjoy life in a new season of parenting. Empty nesting is beginning, and my daughter, Mary, works in radiology and will marry in September 2026 to her high school sweetheart. His children, Jake and Morgan, work full-time as well. Matt is an avid outdoorsman and a retired Army Ranger who has worked in IT for 20+ years. Together, we like to travel and have recently acquired a new love for the West and the mountains. We stay as active as possible – if you don’t use it you’ll lose it!

We have also tried to never stand in the way of whatever God may be doing in each other’s life. He has stood by me through various calls to serve with Back2Back Ministries, leading ministries in a church setting and now Rock Solid Families.

Thanks for letting me introduce myself — I’m looking forward to getting to know all of you, too!

Is Your Phone Controlling You?

In a world where our phones seem glued to our hands, it’s worth asking: Is your phone controlling you, or are you controlling your phone?

As Christians, we’re called to live with intentionality, wisdom, and self-control — but our devices can subtly become idols that steal our time, attention, and even our peace. I honestly have found myself lately making my phone an idol; receiving more of my attention than my own family. However, if you are still in denial about this then I challenge you to ask yourself these three questions:

• Do you check your phone first thing in the morning — before praying or thanking God for a new day?

• Is it hard to put your phone down during meals, conversations, or even church?

• Do you feel anxious or restless when you're without your phone?

• Does screen time leave you feeling drained, not refreshed?

If you answered yes to any of these questions then I would really question yourself “who is in control? Me or my phone?

One of the best things I could do is to make my smartphone equivalent to a flip phone. What I mean by that is removing all of the extra apps. This will look different for each individual. For example, you might find yourself needing to remove ESPN, games, Youtube TV, etc. For me, I needed to remove all of the different shopping apps: (Kroger, Sams, Costco, Thrive Market, Amazon, Target, etc.). In my personal reflection of how I use my phone, I quickly realized that something that once was a strength of mine has turned into an unhealthy trait. What I mean by that, is I have always loved being prepared, organized, and constantly thinking ahead. (One might quickly realize the root of this is control; this is a topic for another time). However, I used to be able to save my grocery list management for evenings when my daughter was fast asleep. However, it turned into constant scrolling through good bargains, constantly looking for healthier/better things, etc. Did I need all of this? No. From my quick personal assessment I realized that dumbing down my phone for me, looked like doing all of my grocery orders on my computer rather than my phone. Yes, this can be inconvenient at times as we are all used to solving problems such as these, in the matter of seconds by opening the app on our phone and selecting “check out”. Now, I allocate time for myself to really assess if this is needed. Most times it is not. 

Reclaiming Control Here’s how to break free and use your phone more intentionally:

• Start Your Day with God, Not Your Phone: Begin your morning with prayer, scripture, or quiet reflection before you check your notifications. For me, I am challenging myself to not have my phone on my nightstand. 

• Set Time Limits: Many phones have built-in screen time trackers — use them to create healthy boundaries. Challenge everyone in your house to have less than 3 hours of screentime.

• Turn Off Non-Essential Notifications: This cuts down on interruptions and helps you stay present.

• Schedule Tech-Free Time: Dedicate parts of your day or week to be completely phone-free — like during meals, family time, or personal devotion.

• Ask God for Help: Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Pray for wisdom and strength to resist the pull of your phone.

Philippians 4:8 “​​Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” This verse reminds us to think about what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Let’s use our devices in ways that reflect those values.

Lastly, The Danger of Distraction Phones are powerful tools, but they can also be powerful distractions. Social media, endless notifications, and constant scrolling pull us away from what matters most — time with God, our families, and meaningful relationships. Ephesians 5:15-16 reminds us, "Be very careful, then, how you live — not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." How often do we lose precious moments to mindless browsing? 

Where can you take a baby step today to gain control over your phone?

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Nuturing Godly Friendships

I don’t know about you, but I do not thrive with surface level friendships. In fact, on my first day of work at Rock Solid Families, I shared with a new co-worker about the hard season my family was walking through, only to find out that she could relate! Little did she know, I had prayed on my way to work that God would show up that day to help me feel comfortable and less nervous; I knew this was the answer to that prayer. 

More times than not, surface-level friendships are what most friendships look like in our world today. As we all know, schedules can be too crammed full while losing sight of creating intentionality in relationships. I see this often while working with families, especially families with several kids who are not going by the 1:1:1 rule (1 sport per child per season). We get it…  You’re running to several sporting events, clubs, church activities, etc. However, we believe and know that God calls us to have deeper friendships, and Jesus portrayed this well during his time on Earth. Proverbs 27:17 reminds us, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Let’s explore what makes a friendship truly Godly and how to cultivate these Christ-centered connections.

I’m sure that as some of you are reading this, you are low-key panicking because you know that on the other side of having deeper friendships is the requirement for you to be vulnerable. I hear you, and I know that this is very uncomfortable for you, or may even bring up memories of bad friendships. However, I would really like to know, were your friendships created with healthy boundaries as well as a mutual faith between you and your friend in the first place? If it were a bad relationship, I would guess not.

The Foundation of a Godly Friendship:

A godly friendship starts with a shared faith in Christ. When two people are both committed to loving and following Jesus, their relationship naturally reflects His love. In 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Paul encourages believers to "encourage one another and build each other up." A Christ-centered friendship uplifts, supports, and helps both individuals grow spiritually. You will be able to tell whether the friendship lines up with this verse by pausing, reflecting on your conversations, and noticing what you were talking about. Are you gossiping or are you pointing each other to Christ? Are you talking about worldly temptations or are you talking about accountability for each other? I will challenge you and say that if you are finding yourself in the negatives of those questions, then you fully know that this doesn’t feel great or may not be a long-term friendship. What will your conversations be about when you have gossiped about everything or lived such a worldly life that you are completely depleted? There is a whole new world out there on the other side of your biggest fears, so let’s get started! 

Characteristics of a Godly Friendship

• Love and Sacrifice: True friends love selflessly, as Christ loves us (John 15:13).

• Honesty and Accountability: A godly friend tells the truth in love, even when it’s hard (Ephesians 4:15).

• Encouragement: They lift you up when you’re weary and remind you of God’s promises (Hebrews 10:24-25).

• Forgiveness: As Christ forgives us, godly friends extend grace and mercy (Colossians 3:13).

I can remember a friendship that I had found myself in previously. The friendship could easily be captured in one word - CODEPENDENT. We did everything together. If one was sad, the other carried that heaviness and always showed up. There wasn’t much room for God in the friendship, other relationships, or even individual time, because we fully believed that in order to be a good friend, we had to prove it 24/7. How exhausting, right?. As life changed, it was an uncomfortable realization that I was prioritizing my friend over my husband, family, etc. Are you in this season with a friend?. Like I always tell my clients, you are in a good place when you realize this and want to do something different for your life! 

How You Can Cultivate Godly Friendships:

• Pray for the Right Friends: Ask God to bring the right people into your life — those who will draw you closer to Him.

• Be a Godly Friend: Focus on being a blessing to others rather than seeking what you can gain.

• Engage in Faith-Based Activities: Join small groups, Bible studies, or church ministries to meet like-minded believers.

• Invest Time and Effort: Meaningful friendships require intentional time together and vulnerability.

• Reflect: Reflect on the characteristics needed in a Godly friendship that were mentioned above. Do you and your friends obtain these?

Godly friendships are worth pursuing and nurturing. They bring joy, strength, and spiritual growth, reflecting God’s design for community. I would venture to guess that you have someone in your mind who you have always wanted to be in community with, but have felt nervous about approaching - now is your time! Reach out to them, the worst thing that could happen is the timing isn’t right for the other person, in which case I encourage you to try again! God will show you friendships that you should start, or even a small group at church that you should join. I vividly remember the day I was going to a small group where I did not know anyone. I drove the hour to get there, and literally almost turned around and went home. However, I knew very clearly that God told me to go. Long story short, this was a group of friends that I needed in my “single season” of life. While these people are not in my closest group anymore, they were definitely the people that God meant for me in that season of life.

I pray today that you can step into friendships that are fuller, deeper, and more life-giving than where you are at now; you have nothing to lose!

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Being Physically Present With Our Children

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s so easy to get caught up in work, responsibilities, and even digital distractions. But as parents, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is our presence, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. There are more times than not where I personally am juggling where to spend my time when the house needs to be cleaned and my daughter wants to play; it’s a struggle!

Recently, my church has been discussing the importance of taking a break from our phones. This has been eye-opening to see how it has replaced different times where I could be physically present with my family versus being on my phone “doom scrolling”, shopping, creating grocery orders, etc. 

Throughout His ministry, Jesus was fully present with those around Him. Whether He was healing the sick, teaching His disciples, or welcoming children into His arms, He gave His undivided attention to the people He loved (Mark 10:14). As parents, we are called to reflect this same love and attentiveness to our children.

Why Physical Presence Matters

It Communicates Love – Our presence reassures our children that they are valued. Just as God promises, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5), we too must strive to be a steady, present force in our kids’ lives.

It Builds Security and Trust – Kids feel safe when they know their parents are available to them. Being present during their highs and lows strengthens the parent-child bond and fosters trust.

It Creates Lasting Memories – Childhood passes quickly. The moments we spend playing, laughing, listening, and praying together are the ones our children will remember the most.

I recently felt a “God nudge” when I was in the midst of hurrying my daughter along from looking at something, so in return, I could get to what I wanted to do. This brought a vulnerable conversation with my husband where I could see how I do this more often than not. I’d venture to say that I am not the only parent who struggles with this at times. Once again, it can be hard to juggle responsibilities.

Ways to Be More Present

1. Limit Distractions – Put away the phone, turn off the TV, and give your full attention to your child when they’re talking to you.

2. Prioritize Face-to-Face Time – Family meals, bedtime routines, and spontaneous playtime are all opportunities to be present.

3. Listen with Intentionality – James 1:19 reminds us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak.” Give your kids space to express themselves, knowing they have your full attention.

4. Make Time for Spiritual Growth – Pray together, read Bible stories, and model a life centered on Christ. Your presence in their faith journey will shape their relationship with God.

We recently started prioritizing eating our meals together at our dining room table (which was only used for when guests came over). Previously, we all sat at our kitchen counter, all lined up in a row. This prohibits face-to-face conversations. Now we get to be more physically present with each other, and to make it more special, we light candles at the table every night. It is all about baby steps. What baby step can you take to start being more physically present with the children in your life, your own or friends, family members or neighbors?

Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

"Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."  -  This requires us to be intentional, slow down, and look for the teachable moments. 

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Creating a Life of Proactivity & Not Passiveness

Many Christians struggle with the idea of setting boundaries simply because they fear they might not appear Christ-like. The underlying reason for this could be due to the fear of hurting others, causing conflict, or even appearing unkind. So, instead of setting healthy boundaries to eliminate these “reasons”, we tend to passively endure unhealthy situations. Have you been there? This cycle is not biblical. Within this blog we will be unpacking what it looks like to set boundaries out of love, wisdom, and truth;  NOT out of fear, guilt, or anger. 

If you’re reading this and wondering where you might be more reactive than proactive, I want you to reflect on your parenting style, friendships, and even work relationships. More often than not, whenever we see families in our office, they have arrived at a place where they have been functioning out of reactivity, feeling hopeless, throwing in the towel, and defeated. We recently did a podcast “Do Your Kids Know Your Soft Spots?”. This podcast episode provides you with clear action steps along with relatable stories on how you might be feeling. I’d recommend checking it out if you feel like your kids are calling the shots!

Many times when people hear the word boundaries, it means being harsh, aggressive, or selfish. However, boundaries come from a place of security in Christ, not from a reaction to others. I want you to pause and reflect on that; NOT from a reaction to others. How many times have you found yourself there? When you are making decisions based on emotions or the reaction to a situation that happened? Red flag! This is you functioning in reactivity. Moving forward, we will be talking about how you can take ownership of your life without blaming others. 

• A reactive person avoids conflict, suppresses feelings, and lets resentment build. Eventually you will see them lash out in anger or withdraw completely. 

• A proactive person prayerfully sets boundaries, communicates with wisdom, and lives in peace. 
  

Personally, I have been this reactive person before. For me, this looked like over-committing to try to “prove myself”, whenever that was never needed. This over-committing lifestyle happened in my career and relationships. I remember when I first got married, up until having a baby, I would be busy every night with getting together with friends to prove that I cared about them. This all came to an uncomfortable realization when my baby was born and I was stuck at home with doctor’s orders that I could not walk or drive for 3 weeks. This led to me having a wake-up call to see how I was finding my identity in what everyone else thought of me and not what God thinks of me.  Boy did I have priorities all wrong! Thank God for his grace and patience to show me how he calls me to prioritize my life. This is something I’m learning daily. God gives me the same power as he does you to set healthy boundaries!

2nd Timothy 1:7 “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

Steps Towards being Proactive VS Reactive:

1. Recognize and Process Your Emotions: Before setting boundaries, identify what you’re feeling. 

2. Set Boundaries Before You Feel Overwhelmed: Set limits when you are calm and clear, not when you are angry or hurt. 

3. Communicate Clearly and Kindly: Practice assertive and loving communication:

Examples: 

a.)  “I’m tired of you taking advantage of me.” vs. “I value our friendship, but I cannot commit to this right now.” 

b.) "You’re always dumping your problems on me, and I can’t take it anymore!" vs.
"I care about you, but I can’t be your only source of emotional support. Have you considered talking to a counselor or support group?"

c.) "I can’t believe you expect me to drop everything for you! It’s so unfair!" vs.
"I love our family, but I also need to set some personal boundaries to balance my time and commitments."

d.) "You’re always late! You clearly don’t respect me or my time!" vs.
"I’d love to meet with you, but I can only wait for 15 minutes. If you’re running late, let’s reschedule."

e.) "You’re so negative all the time! I can’t stand being around you!" vs.
"I value our relationship, but I need to surround myself with more positivity. If you ever want to talk about solutions instead of just problems, I’d love to listen."

f.) "You never listen to me! I’m done talking to you!" vs.
"I want to have a healthy conversation, but I need to be spoken to with respect. Let’s continue when we can both listen to each other calmly."

4.) Let Go of the Fear of Displeasing Others: Proactive people are NOT people pleasers. 

1. Galatians 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” 

5.) Trust God with the Outcome: Whenever people receive the boundary, they might respond negatively; that is not your responsibility to carry.

I pray that this encourages you to live a life of freedom that only God can provide, and not living under the pressure of others opinions or juothers’dgements. You have what it takes to be proactive and live a healthier life!

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