Nuturing Godly Friendships

I don’t know about you, but I do not thrive with surface level friendships. In fact, on my first day of work at Rock Solid Families, I shared with a new co-worker about the hard season my family was walking through, only to find out that she could relate! Little did she know, I had prayed on my way to work that God would show up that day to help me feel comfortable and less nervous; I knew this was the answer to that prayer. 

More times than not, surface-level friendships are what most friendships look like in our world today. As we all know, schedules can be too crammed full while losing sight of creating intentionality in relationships. I see this often while working with families, especially families with several kids who are not going by the 1:1:1 rule (1 sport per child per season). We get it…  You’re running to several sporting events, clubs, church activities, etc. However, we believe and know that God calls us to have deeper friendships, and Jesus portrayed this well during his time on Earth. Proverbs 27:17 reminds us, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Let’s explore what makes a friendship truly Godly and how to cultivate these Christ-centered connections.

I’m sure that as some of you are reading this, you are low-key panicking because you know that on the other side of having deeper friendships is the requirement for you to be vulnerable. I hear you, and I know that this is very uncomfortable for you, or may even bring up memories of bad friendships. However, I would really like to know, were your friendships created with healthy boundaries as well as a mutual faith between you and your friend in the first place? If it were a bad relationship, I would guess not.

The Foundation of a Godly Friendship:

A godly friendship starts with a shared faith in Christ. When two people are both committed to loving and following Jesus, their relationship naturally reflects His love. In 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Paul encourages believers to "encourage one another and build each other up." A Christ-centered friendship uplifts, supports, and helps both individuals grow spiritually. You will be able to tell whether the friendship lines up with this verse by pausing, reflecting on your conversations, and noticing what you were talking about. Are you gossiping or are you pointing each other to Christ? Are you talking about worldly temptations or are you talking about accountability for each other? I will challenge you and say that if you are finding yourself in the negatives of those questions, then you fully know that this doesn’t feel great or may not be a long-term friendship. What will your conversations be about when you have gossiped about everything or lived such a worldly life that you are completely depleted? There is a whole new world out there on the other side of your biggest fears, so let’s get started! 

Characteristics of a Godly Friendship

• Love and Sacrifice: True friends love selflessly, as Christ loves us (John 15:13).

• Honesty and Accountability: A godly friend tells the truth in love, even when it’s hard (Ephesians 4:15).

• Encouragement: They lift you up when you’re weary and remind you of God’s promises (Hebrews 10:24-25).

• Forgiveness: As Christ forgives us, godly friends extend grace and mercy (Colossians 3:13).

I can remember a friendship that I had found myself in previously. The friendship could easily be captured in one word - CODEPENDENT. We did everything together. If one was sad, the other carried that heaviness and always showed up. There wasn’t much room for God in the friendship, other relationships, or even individual time, because we fully believed that in order to be a good friend, we had to prove it 24/7. How exhausting, right?. As life changed, it was an uncomfortable realization that I was prioritizing my friend over my husband, family, etc. Are you in this season with a friend?. Like I always tell my clients, you are in a good place when you realize this and want to do something different for your life! 

How You Can Cultivate Godly Friendships:

• Pray for the Right Friends: Ask God to bring the right people into your life — those who will draw you closer to Him.

• Be a Godly Friend: Focus on being a blessing to others rather than seeking what you can gain.

• Engage in Faith-Based Activities: Join small groups, Bible studies, or church ministries to meet like-minded believers.

• Invest Time and Effort: Meaningful friendships require intentional time together and vulnerability.

• Reflect: Reflect on the characteristics needed in a Godly friendship that were mentioned above. Do you and your friends obtain these?

Godly friendships are worth pursuing and nurturing. They bring joy, strength, and spiritual growth, reflecting God’s design for community. I would venture to guess that you have someone in your mind who you have always wanted to be in community with, but have felt nervous about approaching - now is your time! Reach out to them, the worst thing that could happen is the timing isn’t right for the other person, in which case I encourage you to try again! God will show you friendships that you should start, or even a small group at church that you should join. I vividly remember the day I was going to a small group where I did not know anyone. I drove the hour to get there, and literally almost turned around and went home. However, I knew very clearly that God told me to go. Long story short, this was a group of friends that I needed in my “single season” of life. While these people are not in my closest group anymore, they were definitely the people that God meant for me in that season of life.

I pray today that you can step into friendships that are fuller, deeper, and more life-giving than where you are at now; you have nothing to lose!

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Kids and Their Friends

When I was growing up, the friends I had were either kids I went to school with or neighbors who lived on my street. If you are over the age of 40, you know what I’m talking about. We didn’t have the world wide web that could connect us instantly with someone across town or in a different state. We didn’t have social media platforms that would allow us to “find friends'' instantly. Kids today are dealing with scenarios we never had to deal with when it comes to making and keeping friendships. Yes, it's a whole new world, but as a parent, there are some basic sound principles that are still important to keep in mind when it comes to your child and their friends.

FRIENDSHIP PRINCIPLES

1. Speak early and often about what a healthy friendship looks like. This can start even at the age of 2 when your child finds a new friend on the playground. Things like kindness, sharing, taking turns are all values you should begin to instill in your child the day they start interacting with others. 

2. Surround your kids with other families who share similar values. Put them in positive environments where there are other children and adults who will model what you want your child to be like. One of the favorite places for our children has been at church where families from all walks of life come to build a rock solid foundation for their home and family. I didn’t say perfect kids, but ones who are being guided with similar values as yours.

3. Ask lots of questions about who they like to be around and why. If your child is school age, make sure you initiate frequent casual conversations about things like the playground, the cafeteria, the classroom. Who do they play with and what do they like to do together? It’s a great chance to get a peek into your child’s world and see if they are making good choices in their friendships. Make your home a safe place to come with any conflicts or difficulties in their friendships. Not that you are going to go in and fix it for them, but help them brainstorm how to resolve the conflict themselves.

4. Encourage your kids to bring their friends around your home and family, so that you can observe how they interact together. Listen in on car ride conversations and how they talk to one another. Watch how they play on the trampoline together or what they do in the basement when you’re not around. Make sure you follow up privately with them any concerns or red flags you begin to have. 

5. Keep the lines of communication open and comfortable even into their teen years. When our kids are teenagers, it becomes more difficult to monitor every little friend interaction, but it’s still super important to keep the lines of communication open about their friendships. Continue on the same routine as above asking them about their friendships and what they enjoy about those friends. Invite their friends to hang out at your house. If you find your teen is always going over someone else’s house, get to know that family. Make sure you connect with those parents and have regular communication with them. Your child is less likely to sneak or lie, if they know you have the ability to follow up and confirm their plans. Not saying you always have to but always can if needed. 

Walk with the Wise
There is a very wise proverb that says, Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. Proverbs 13:20. If you learn that your teen is walking with the fools and suffering harm, don’t save them from the natural consequences of their actions. They will never learn if you are always saving them or defending them. 

If your teen starts hanging with the wrong crowd and breaks your trust, explain to them you are not judging or condemning their friend. No one is forcing your child to make these poor decisions. Make sure they understand the buck stops with them. They are responsible for their own actions and consequences. As a consequence of breaking your trust, limit his/her exposure to that friend or group until the trust has been restored. In the meantime, flood their schedule with positive people and healthy environments. Whether it be a mentor, sport, club, youth group, church function, serving opportunity or all of the above, help them to walk with the wise and become wise. Obviously every child and home is unique, but we believe that by applying these principles you can prepare your child for rich and healthy friendships, as they grow into a healthy, independent adult. If we can help you and your family work through some of the things we’ve mentioned in this blog or in this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio, please give us a call at 812-576-ROCK. We’re here to help!

Click HERE to watch Episode 153 of Rock Solid Radio, Kids and their Friends

Click HERE to listen to Episode 153 of Rock Solid Radio, Kids and their Friends