Nuturing Godly Friendships

I don’t know about you, but I do not thrive with surface level friendships. In fact, on my first day of work at Rock Solid Families, I shared with a new co-worker about the hard season my family was walking through, only to find out that she could relate! Little did she know, I had prayed on my way to work that God would show up that day to help me feel comfortable and less nervous; I knew this was the answer to that prayer. 

More times than not, surface-level friendships are what most friendships look like in our world today. As we all know, schedules can be too crammed full while losing sight of creating intentionality in relationships. I see this often while working with families, especially families with several kids who are not going by the 1:1:1 rule (1 sport per child per season). We get it…  You’re running to several sporting events, clubs, church activities, etc. However, we believe and know that God calls us to have deeper friendships, and Jesus portrayed this well during his time on Earth. Proverbs 27:17 reminds us, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Let’s explore what makes a friendship truly Godly and how to cultivate these Christ-centered connections.

I’m sure that as some of you are reading this, you are low-key panicking because you know that on the other side of having deeper friendships is the requirement for you to be vulnerable. I hear you, and I know that this is very uncomfortable for you, or may even bring up memories of bad friendships. However, I would really like to know, were your friendships created with healthy boundaries as well as a mutual faith between you and your friend in the first place? If it were a bad relationship, I would guess not.

The Foundation of a Godly Friendship:

A godly friendship starts with a shared faith in Christ. When two people are both committed to loving and following Jesus, their relationship naturally reflects His love. In 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Paul encourages believers to "encourage one another and build each other up." A Christ-centered friendship uplifts, supports, and helps both individuals grow spiritually. You will be able to tell whether the friendship lines up with this verse by pausing, reflecting on your conversations, and noticing what you were talking about. Are you gossiping or are you pointing each other to Christ? Are you talking about worldly temptations or are you talking about accountability for each other? I will challenge you and say that if you are finding yourself in the negatives of those questions, then you fully know that this doesn’t feel great or may not be a long-term friendship. What will your conversations be about when you have gossiped about everything or lived such a worldly life that you are completely depleted? There is a whole new world out there on the other side of your biggest fears, so let’s get started! 

Characteristics of a Godly Friendship

• Love and Sacrifice: True friends love selflessly, as Christ loves us (John 15:13).

• Honesty and Accountability: A godly friend tells the truth in love, even when it’s hard (Ephesians 4:15).

• Encouragement: They lift you up when you’re weary and remind you of God’s promises (Hebrews 10:24-25).

• Forgiveness: As Christ forgives us, godly friends extend grace and mercy (Colossians 3:13).

I can remember a friendship that I had found myself in previously. The friendship could easily be captured in one word - CODEPENDENT. We did everything together. If one was sad, the other carried that heaviness and always showed up. There wasn’t much room for God in the friendship, other relationships, or even individual time, because we fully believed that in order to be a good friend, we had to prove it 24/7. How exhausting, right?. As life changed, it was an uncomfortable realization that I was prioritizing my friend over my husband, family, etc. Are you in this season with a friend?. Like I always tell my clients, you are in a good place when you realize this and want to do something different for your life! 

How You Can Cultivate Godly Friendships:

• Pray for the Right Friends: Ask God to bring the right people into your life — those who will draw you closer to Him.

• Be a Godly Friend: Focus on being a blessing to others rather than seeking what you can gain.

• Engage in Faith-Based Activities: Join small groups, Bible studies, or church ministries to meet like-minded believers.

• Invest Time and Effort: Meaningful friendships require intentional time together and vulnerability.

• Reflect: Reflect on the characteristics needed in a Godly friendship that were mentioned above. Do you and your friends obtain these?

Godly friendships are worth pursuing and nurturing. They bring joy, strength, and spiritual growth, reflecting God’s design for community. I would venture to guess that you have someone in your mind who you have always wanted to be in community with, but have felt nervous about approaching - now is your time! Reach out to them, the worst thing that could happen is the timing isn’t right for the other person, in which case I encourage you to try again! God will show you friendships that you should start, or even a small group at church that you should join. I vividly remember the day I was going to a small group where I did not know anyone. I drove the hour to get there, and literally almost turned around and went home. However, I knew very clearly that God told me to go. Long story short, this was a group of friends that I needed in my “single season” of life. While these people are not in my closest group anymore, they were definitely the people that God meant for me in that season of life.

I pray today that you can step into friendships that are fuller, deeper, and more life-giving than where you are at now; you have nothing to lose!

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Being Physically Present With Our Children

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s so easy to get caught up in work, responsibilities, and even digital distractions. But as parents, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is our presence, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. There are more times than not where I personally am juggling where to spend my time when the house needs to be cleaned and my daughter wants to play; it’s a struggle!

Recently, my church has been discussing the importance of taking a break from our phones. This has been eye-opening to see how it has replaced different times where I could be physically present with my family versus being on my phone “doom scrolling”, shopping, creating grocery orders, etc. 

Throughout His ministry, Jesus was fully present with those around Him. Whether He was healing the sick, teaching His disciples, or welcoming children into His arms, He gave His undivided attention to the people He loved (Mark 10:14). As parents, we are called to reflect this same love and attentiveness to our children.

Why Physical Presence Matters

It Communicates Love – Our presence reassures our children that they are valued. Just as God promises, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5), we too must strive to be a steady, present force in our kids’ lives.

It Builds Security and Trust – Kids feel safe when they know their parents are available to them. Being present during their highs and lows strengthens the parent-child bond and fosters trust.

It Creates Lasting Memories – Childhood passes quickly. The moments we spend playing, laughing, listening, and praying together are the ones our children will remember the most.

I recently felt a “God nudge” when I was in the midst of hurrying my daughter along from looking at something, so in return, I could get to what I wanted to do. This brought a vulnerable conversation with my husband where I could see how I do this more often than not. I’d venture to say that I am not the only parent who struggles with this at times. Once again, it can be hard to juggle responsibilities.

Ways to Be More Present

1. Limit Distractions – Put away the phone, turn off the TV, and give your full attention to your child when they’re talking to you.

2. Prioritize Face-to-Face Time – Family meals, bedtime routines, and spontaneous playtime are all opportunities to be present.

3. Listen with Intentionality – James 1:19 reminds us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak.” Give your kids space to express themselves, knowing they have your full attention.

4. Make Time for Spiritual Growth – Pray together, read Bible stories, and model a life centered on Christ. Your presence in their faith journey will shape their relationship with God.

We recently started prioritizing eating our meals together at our dining room table (which was only used for when guests came over). Previously, we all sat at our kitchen counter, all lined up in a row. This prohibits face-to-face conversations. Now we get to be more physically present with each other, and to make it more special, we light candles at the table every night. It is all about baby steps. What baby step can you take to start being more physically present with the children in your life, your own or friends, family members or neighbors?

Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

"Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."  -  This requires us to be intentional, slow down, and look for the teachable moments. 

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Creating a Life of Proactivity & Not Passiveness

Many Christians struggle with the idea of setting boundaries simply because they fear they might not appear Christ-like. The underlying reason for this could be due to the fear of hurting others, causing conflict, or even appearing unkind. So, instead of setting healthy boundaries to eliminate these “reasons”, we tend to passively endure unhealthy situations. Have you been there? This cycle is not biblical. Within this blog we will be unpacking what it looks like to set boundaries out of love, wisdom, and truth;  NOT out of fear, guilt, or anger. 

If you’re reading this and wondering where you might be more reactive than proactive, I want you to reflect on your parenting style, friendships, and even work relationships. More often than not, whenever we see families in our office, they have arrived at a place where they have been functioning out of reactivity, feeling hopeless, throwing in the towel, and defeated. We recently did a podcast “Do Your Kids Know Your Soft Spots?”. This podcast episode provides you with clear action steps along with relatable stories on how you might be feeling. I’d recommend checking it out if you feel like your kids are calling the shots!

Many times when people hear the word boundaries, it means being harsh, aggressive, or selfish. However, boundaries come from a place of security in Christ, not from a reaction to others. I want you to pause and reflect on that; NOT from a reaction to others. How many times have you found yourself there? When you are making decisions based on emotions or the reaction to a situation that happened? Red flag! This is you functioning in reactivity. Moving forward, we will be talking about how you can take ownership of your life without blaming others. 

• A reactive person avoids conflict, suppresses feelings, and lets resentment build. Eventually you will see them lash out in anger or withdraw completely. 

• A proactive person prayerfully sets boundaries, communicates with wisdom, and lives in peace. 
  

Personally, I have been this reactive person before. For me, this looked like over-committing to try to “prove myself”, whenever that was never needed. This over-committing lifestyle happened in my career and relationships. I remember when I first got married, up until having a baby, I would be busy every night with getting together with friends to prove that I cared about them. This all came to an uncomfortable realization when my baby was born and I was stuck at home with doctor’s orders that I could not walk or drive for 3 weeks. This led to me having a wake-up call to see how I was finding my identity in what everyone else thought of me and not what God thinks of me.  Boy did I have priorities all wrong! Thank God for his grace and patience to show me how he calls me to prioritize my life. This is something I’m learning daily. God gives me the same power as he does you to set healthy boundaries!

2nd Timothy 1:7 “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

Steps Towards being Proactive VS Reactive:

1. Recognize and Process Your Emotions: Before setting boundaries, identify what you’re feeling. 

2. Set Boundaries Before You Feel Overwhelmed: Set limits when you are calm and clear, not when you are angry or hurt. 

3. Communicate Clearly and Kindly: Practice assertive and loving communication:

Examples: 

a.)  “I’m tired of you taking advantage of me.” vs. “I value our friendship, but I cannot commit to this right now.” 

b.) "You’re always dumping your problems on me, and I can’t take it anymore!" vs.
"I care about you, but I can’t be your only source of emotional support. Have you considered talking to a counselor or support group?"

c.) "I can’t believe you expect me to drop everything for you! It’s so unfair!" vs.
"I love our family, but I also need to set some personal boundaries to balance my time and commitments."

d.) "You’re always late! You clearly don’t respect me or my time!" vs.
"I’d love to meet with you, but I can only wait for 15 minutes. If you’re running late, let’s reschedule."

e.) "You’re so negative all the time! I can’t stand being around you!" vs.
"I value our relationship, but I need to surround myself with more positivity. If you ever want to talk about solutions instead of just problems, I’d love to listen."

f.) "You never listen to me! I’m done talking to you!" vs.
"I want to have a healthy conversation, but I need to be spoken to with respect. Let’s continue when we can both listen to each other calmly."

4.) Let Go of the Fear of Displeasing Others: Proactive people are NOT people pleasers. 

1. Galatians 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” 

5.) Trust God with the Outcome: Whenever people receive the boundary, they might respond negatively; that is not your responsibility to carry.

I pray that this encourages you to live a life of freedom that only God can provide, and not living under the pressure of others opinions or juothers’dgements. You have what it takes to be proactive and live a healthier life!

WWW.ROCKSOLIDFAMILIES.ORG

Well?? Do You Want to Get Well?

Almost four years ago, I wrote a blog originally titled “Do You Want to Get Well?” Since that article first posted, we have had the privilege of working with thousands more individuals, couples and families over the past six years of opening our doors at Rock Solid Families. When this article was originally published, COVID-19 wasn’t even a word in our vocabulary yet.

So yes, things have changed in the past four years including the state of many people’s personal wellness. What I wrote four years ago, however, still rings true. As a matter of fact, the need for healthy has never been greater. Every day, our phone rings with folks hurting physically, emotionally, and spiritually desperate for HELP and HOPE.

Sometimes, the need comes from a client’s choices like addiction or infidelity. Other times, it’s at the hands of someone else who has hurt them leaving them feeling betrayed, abused, or abandoned. In many instances, our clients come in feeling stuck and unable to see any way out, and then there are the few who don’t even want to try anymore. For them, things have gotten so hopeless they can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

One of our goals in our faith based coaching work is to help clients see that there is HELP and HOPE available. It’s promised in God’s word. Romans 8:28 reminds us of his promise, that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose. But for many clients, that truth is hard to even fathom in their current circumstances. It’s hard to imagine anything good coming out of their pain and tears. Some have been dealing with their past trauma or living as a victim for so long, their pain has almost become part of the family. 

That was the case for a lame man back in Jesus’ day who was lying by a healing pool in Bethesda. The pool from time to time would stir as the angel of the Lord came and healed whoever made it in first. This particular man had been paralyzed for 38 years and when Jesus met him by the pool,  he had been there for a very long time waiting for someone to help. Can you imagine?  In John 5, we see Jesus coming on the scene asking the lame man the all important question, “DO YOU WANT TO GET WELL?”  The invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” 

Aren’t we a lot like that lame man in Jesus’ day? I know I can be at times. There are days I just want to sit there with my “victim” badge and cry “Someone, anyone, please feel sorry for me! It’s a lot easier to wallow in my circumstances and sit in my pain than do the work to change my situation. It would almost be like losing a little piece of my identity. The invalid had excuse after excuse for Jesus why he hadn’t gone in that water to be healed.  It had been 38 years, for goodness sake! You’d think that would be motivation enough to crawl or beg your way to the pool and be healed.

What about you? How long are you going to wear your “victim” badge? After all, everyone’s got something. Maybe you experienced abuse as a child or were bullied in school. Maybe, you struggle to this day with an addiction or learning disability. Maybe you are like many of our clients who have made some really bad decisions in the past and are still reeling from the natural consequences of their choices. That “ailment” doesn’t have to define you. You don’t have to be “lame” or “blind” forever. Jesus Christ asks us the same question he asked the paralyzed man by the pool thousands of years ago-”Do YOU want to get well?” And he extends the same offer of hope and healing to us today. 

Choosing to pursue healthy and healing is not only important personally, but it’s also critical if you are a parent. What are your children seeing in you-a victim or victor? I ask my clients who are also parents that question all the time. We are raising too many victims in our world today. “It’s not my fault” or “No one will help me” are only excuses that perpetuate victimhood. Don’t let yourself or your children play the blame game any longer. It’s time to search your heart and ask yourselves the all important question-”Do I want to get well?” Then, in faith, pick up your mat and start walking

If you don’t know where to start, give us a call at 812-576-7625 (ROCK) and take that first step. We’re here to help!

Peace over Perfection at Christmas Time

As you’re reading this blog, it could be at a time when you are trying to relax, laying in bed, or even when you’re “doom scrolling”/zoning out on your phone to procrastinate on all of the responsibilities that are being thrown at you as you prepare for Christmas. If you relate to this you might be in a position where you are in the weeds of the details and logistics of planning for Christmas. But is this the true meaning of Christmas? If we are blatantly honest with ourselves, the meaning of Christmas isn’t about all of the fluffy extras: gifts, perfect home decor, best outfit, everyone getting along… you see where I’m going with this. It is about reflecting and meditating on the miracle of Jesus coming to us in the flesh in a manger to showcase his love for us. Jesus’ birth fulfilled God’s promise of a Messiah, bringing hope, peace, and joy to a broken world. His arrival marked the beginning of God’s plan to reconcile us to Himself through His life, death, and resurrection! I’m not saying that the fluffy extras are bad, but they should not be what is the driving factor for you in celebrating Christmas.

Let go of perfection:

I recently read a great way to describe the pressure that the world puts on us as we prepare for Christmas; to make everything perfect. However, if we pause and remember why we celebrate Christmas in the first place we are reminded that Jesus entered our imperfect world in a humble stable, not a five-star inn. If your tree is lopsided or the cookies burn, let it be a reminder that God’s grace meets us in our imperfections.

Consider the story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10:38-42. While Martha was distracted by preparations, Mary chose to sit at Jesus' feet and listen to Him. Jesus gently reminded Martha that Mary had chosen what was better. This story teaches us that it’s more important to focus on Christ’s presence than on perfect appearances.

Healthy Boundaries this Christmas:

Christmas is also a time to be intentional about how you spend your time. It’s important to ask yourself, are you able to spend time with God if you are running around to all of the places, possibly out of guilt? Or maybe you find yourself in situations feeling obligated to be there because you do not want to hurt someone’s feelings. Holidays can be a little tricky as so many people are usually involved. However, I want to remind you that at the end of the day, YOU are responsible for your feelings, behaviors, and attitudes, NOT for others. Of course, you should still care for others, BUT you should not sacrifice your boundaries, your peace, and your own time in the midst of caring for others. 

As you navigate the Christmas season, remember that peace isn’t found in perfectly executed plans but in the presence of Christ. By keeping your eyes on Him, you can experience a Christmas filled with peace and joy that only He can provide. Let this be the year you truly embrace this! You are the only one in control of what you say yes and no to!

www.Rocksolidfamilies.org

Striving For Identity in Christ Verses Identity in This World

Identity is one thing that I think we all wrestle with at some point in our lives. Everywhere we turn people have opinions on what we are doing or the world is telling us how we should be doing something. Don’t even get me started on finding identity in the world based on what people say/think about you, that’s a whole other beast. What a defeating mountain we constantly climb. Over the past year, I have started surrounding myself with a community of women where we press into learning what God says our identity is. This is something that needs to be at the forefront of our minds. I struggle with this daily.

If I were to ask you how you would describe yourself in three words, what would it be? Would it be related to acts that you have done? Right out of the gate, we are trained to turn to how the world defines us. Next time you introduce yourself to someone, notice that you say your name and then you say what your occupation is. One thing that I have discovered about myself over the past year through vulnerable conversations with my family/friends is that I was in a place where what people thought of me and or compliments they gave me outweighed what God has always said about me. For me, I struggle with keeping how God defines me at the front of my mind because it's not outwardly spoken to me every day, or so I thought. 

What if the question we are asking ourselves daily is “Who does God say that I am?” God says that we are: Righteous, Made New, Freely Forgiven, Chosen, and Deeply Loved. What an introduction that would be next time you meet someone new to say your name and then follow by who God says you are. That’s just not something we see very often. I struggled with believing and accepting in my heart how God defines me because I was immediately seeking outward approval and not declaring Bible verses where God says this to us. Maybe you can relate. You go to work and put in so much effort and then feel like you’re on top of the world when someone notices. Eventually, that fuels the fire and you keep working so hard until you have lost a sense of who you are. I’m not saying to not work hard and to not do your job, I’m challenging you to do these things but with your heart in the place of doing it for no other reason than God giving you the ability to use your God-given gifts in a meaningful way. That’s right, I did not say to do it to seek approval and praise. 

I believe that the more we fall into how the world defines us, the more we are wiring our brains to believe this about ourselves. Before we know it, our autobiography is made up of words that the world has chosen for us or what our coworkers have to say about us. This is a dangerous place to fall into. I would love for you to deep dive into this in your life right now. Examine what God says about you to be true and rest in it. This can be so radical in your life to take back the identity that Christ has always said over your life. I recently went through a bible study called “Father’s House” and the writers say it best by stating, “It is not about how good I am, but it’s about how good my God is.”

Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” 

Friends, I’m permitting you to relax and stop striving. That’s right I said to stop striving. Stop striving for everyone else’s words of affirmation for you. Stop striving for your identity to be made up in this world. Rest in the fact of what God says about you. 

1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

I challenge you this week to identify a Bible verse that talks about your identity and memorize it. Write it down and hang it up in your house or car. Speak this over yourself multiple times a day. We have to run to our identity in Christ and not run to the world to identify us.

Want to dive deeper into this topic, check out episode # 313 of the Rock Solid Families “Girl Power Half Hour” Podcast where Bridgitte, Jenna, and Linda dive into staying true to your identity in Christ and not giving into the temptations of the world around us. (Lulu Lemon, four eyes, social media trends…. they talk about it all!)

For additional content regarding faith, family, fitness, and everything in between, listen to the Rock Solid Families podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube, or follow Rock Solid Families on Facebook & Instagram.

www.rocksolidfamilies.org

Love & Respect from your spouses perspective

The topic of Love and Respect is one Rock Solid Families has covered before. But this time we are approaching it from two very different perspectives - A husband’s perspective and a wife’s perspective.

Understanding what love and respect mean to your spouse is like learning an entirely new language. Things you thought you understood may come back to only cause more confusion and conflict. Emerson Eggerich, author of the book Love and Respect, explains that the different languages between husbands and wives are not necessarily right or wrong, they are just different. The key to success in the relationship is understanding the language differences and how to be a better interpreter.

Ladies, when it comes to understanding our man's perspective of love & respect, we can follow the language of the C.H.A.I.R.S:

C – Conquest & compliments. Men want to conquer, or overcome, something. Saying things like, “I really appreciate how hard you work to make sure our family is taken care of” means a lot to them. Men have a natural desire to provide for their family. Wives, if you are the bread winner, focus of how well he takes care of the kids, his handiwork projects, etc. Compliment your man’s work not only to him, but also in front of other people. Fill his desire to be the knight in shining armor.

H – Hierarchy. This is the level of position or authority. Biblically, the man is the head of the wife like Christ is the church. He is the last step of authority when it comes to raising and disciplining kids. If women dismiss the man’s authority, the man will start to pull away from situations where he feels his decisions and authority is being questioned or taken away, and he will shut down. Women, empower your man to feel like they are the provider, protector and spiritual leader.  

A – Authority. Don’t undermine, or take his voice away in the household. This runs hand in hand with hierarchy. If a man is not doing a good job with his authority (cowering, easily manipulated by kids, etc.) he’s not being firm. Encourage your husband to be the authority. And if you don’t agree with something he is doing or saying, work it out privately so kids don’t think you are questioning their dads’ authority.

I – Insight. Insight that a man brings to the decision-making process. (perspective) Don’t think your ideas or thoughts are more important or always right. Bickering over things that don’t really matter, or are simply your preferences won’t get you anywhere. Allow the back and forth, but allow his input. Don’t demean or dismiss his input/ thoughts, or this shuts him out and he doesn’t want to participate in conversation anymore. If you need him to just listen, tell him you just want him to listen, or else he will try to fix it.

R – Relationship. Beyond being married, are you friends? Do you value our time together? Do you connect on a variety of interest? Kids cannot be your only glue! Find something you have in common to enjoy together. She sheds and man caves are dangerous – it brings disconnection because often men and women will retreat to these places and it gives a message you don’t want anyone else in your space. Time together is encouraged. Men are okay with shoulder-to-shoulder relationship, which is having their wife sitting near them and not even necessarily talking, just simply being nearby.

S – Sexuality. God wired us differently, Thank God! Work out what healthy intimacy looks like for your marriage. Discuss this with your husband and come up with a plan that’s maintainable and healthy. This could be daily or 2-3 times a week. Ladies, it is important that you try to initiate more often and respond more joyfully. I know, you’re saying “It’s hard sometimes!”, But acknowledge that there are temptations, and you should support him intimately to keep his eyes and temptations towards you. Just acknowledge that you want to be intimate and will work with him on doing so in a way that works for both of you.

Men, you’re probably nodding your head in agreeance after reading through the CHAIRS acrostic, but now you’re in the hot seat! How do you make sure your wife feels loved & respected? When it comes to speaking our wife’s language of Love & Respect, we should follow the acrostic COUPLE:

C – Closeness. This could look as simple as hand holding in public. Don’t dismiss your woman wanting to feel connected, or that your lady might want you to be proud of being with her. Physical touch should NOT always lead to sexual engagement.  Non-sexual touches carry great values with the ladies.

O – Openness. This is when a woman feels confident in knowing how YOU feel. You being open with her about your feelings, and communicating so she doesn’t have to guess is important. On the flip side, she wants you to ask her how she is doing and feeling also. Ladies & Gents, pick your time wisely – don’t ask these types of questions as he is walking out the door, or as she is falling asleep.

U – Understanding. Women need men to understand and empathize with them. Show that you appreciate all we do. In episode # 307 of the Rock Solid Families Podcast, Merrill and Linda use the example of Christmas dinner… Typically the woman will cook, clean the house, do the shopping, wrap everyone’s gifts, and the man might carve the turkey. Women, you can’t assume that men know what else needs to be done, so be open and tell them how they can help.

P – Peacemaking. Men, just admitting when you are wrong can make a huge difference. Acknowledge when you are wrong or mess up, but also offer forgiveness when your wife has messed up or is wrong. It goes a long way. “Just own it!” – Jocko Willink. If you say sorry, you need to also change your actions – that’s the difference between peace making and peace keeping.

L – Loyalty. Women feel loyalty from men when they don’t look at other women, watch pornography, when they speak positively to them and about them. If you as a man are bouncing eyes at other women, throwing your wife under the bus, threatening / joking about divorce, poking fun at her expense… it undermines the feeling of loyalty. Women want to feel like you aren’t going anywhere. Women feel loved when they feel that their men are loyal. Loyalty = Security.

E – Esteem. This is when wives feel treasured, honored, cherished. Be her cheer leader, verbally support her, honor her, praise her, make her feel valued. The opposite of this would look like you throwing her under the bus, making her the bud of all your jokes. Eventually it will wear her down and she won’t feel that same honor or praise of being your wife.

Check out the 2-episode series “love & respect” on the Rock Solid Families Podcast to get more in depth about how husbands and wives can best show their love & respect for each other. Episode one covers this topic from the man's perspective, talking about how husbands interpret the language of love and respect and how the ladies can do better to understand his language. Episode two covers the topic from the woman's perspective, and how her interpretation of love and respect is different than the men, but not in a better or worse way. You can listen to both episodes by clicking HERE!

A Family's Guide to Memorizing Scripture and Growing Together in Faith

Memorizing Scripture is an essential part of a person's faith journey. Knowing scripture helps us fight spiritual battles by guarding our hearts, guarding our minds, and by helping us keep our thoughts and actions aligned with God's truth. Even during seasons of depression, anxiety, or when we question our self-worth, scripture reminds us where we find our strength and purpose - in Jesus Christ! In times of grief or uncertainty, memorizing scripture also helps us remember that God is our source of peace that surpasses all understanding. Only He has the power to take away our worries and replace them with peace and reassurance.

My family started practicing memory verses when my son started preschool. The teachers at his school would come up with a memory verse to practice as a class each month and the class would recite it together daily and read about it in the Bible. Our son was so excited about his ability to memorize scripture that he’d walk into the office at the end of the day to recite his verse and earn a sticker! So, to encourage him and his love for God's word, we started memorizing it at home as a family. When he left preschool and started kindergarten at our local public school, we implemented our own memory verse of the month as a way to continue his, and ours, spiritual growth.

When we are confident in our knowledge of Scripture, we are more prepared to share God’s truth with others, helping to create new believers and grow His kingdom. To put it simply, memorizing Scripture not only strengthens our own faith, but also empowers us to be effective witnesses of God’s love and truth in the world.

I encourage your family to start memorizing scripture together! Reading and knowing God's word lays a firm foundation for a lifelong journey of faith not only in yourself, but your family and friends as well. When children learn Bible verses early on, they start to internalize God’s truth earlier in their lives. This helps shape their character and guide their choices and actions as they grow into adults. Knowing God's word can also give children (and adults) a sense of security and confidence, knowing they can turn to God’s Word for comfort and wisdom in any situation. As your family grows both physically and spiritually, the verses they've memorized will be a source of strength and peace. By planting these “seeds” of truth early, you are helping ensure that their faith is deeply rooted and capable of withstanding life's storms.

Here are 10 different verses that are short, but impactful, and easy for family members of all ages to memorize:

(These verses were sourced from various translations of the Bible)

1. 1 Peter 5:7 - Give all your worries to Him because He cares for you.

2. Proverbs 17:17 - A friend loves you all the time. 

3. Psalm 56:3 - When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

4. Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind to one another.

5. John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son. 

6. Matthew 4:19 - “Come and follow me”, Jesus said.

7. Psalm 150:6 - Let everything that breathes praise the Lord.

8. Proverbs 16:24 - Pleasant words are like honeycomb. They make a person happy and healthy. 

9. Proverbs 4:23 - Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

10. Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.

And for fun, here is a bonus verse for parents to teach their children: 

Ephesians 6:1 - Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 

I recognize that memorizing scripture is sometimes easier said than done. So I want to provide you with 5 tips to help you memorize scripture:

• Start small. Don’t feel like you need to memorize a full chapter of the Bible. There are plenty of short verses that are impactful, maybe start there! 

• Put hand motions to the words. Here is an example of what hand motions for Matthew 4:19 might look like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXq2IhZdlX4 

• Write the verse on a piece of paper and put it somewhere where you will see it often. This may be on a post-it note at your desk, a note stuck on the side of the fridge, or a sign hanging next to the front door so you see it every day on your way to work and school. 

• Say the verse out loud 2 times a day with a family member or a friend. 

• Sing the words of the verse to the rhythm of a song that you enjoy. 

I hope you found this blog insightful, helpful, and that you feel encouraged to impress the word of God on your heart and the hearts of those you love.

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Peace That Surpasses All Understanding

I think it is easy to say that we have all found ourselves in the midst of a season where we are feeling like we are stuck or just waiting on God to move. Singleness, Infertility, Cancer Diagnosis, and the list can go on and on. 

All of us go about our days carrying something, but what do we do when life gets heavy?

Well I can tell you from personal experience that sitting in it, sulking around, thinking “woe is me”, has not been the best option for me. It never leads me to feel filled with joy from God or even be thankful for what is right in front of me. I’m sure you can relate. It’s often easier to just sit on the couch and google things to hopefully convince you that you will be okay. Even worse, maybe you scroll on your phone through social media to get lost in everyone else’s life so you don’t have to deal with yours. Man, I hate that Satan knows just how to be a thorn in our side. It’s exhausting, but what if we are just not putting our eyes on the right prize or standing in the right posture? When I find myself in these moments, I can promise you one thing.  My posture and my eyes are not set on God and his truth.

Fear, doubt, and shame are not adjectives or emotions that are from God or emotions he wants us to feel. Instead, these are always the emotions I feel when I choose the actions I mentioned above. 

Something that has been so powerful to me lately is just pausing, sitting in quiet without any distractions, and asking God, “Where are you in this room with me?” “What are you trying to tell me right now”. This was a new practice that was introduced to me a few years ago. God wants to meet us where we are at.  He wants us to fall on him.  He wants us to run to him and not our phones or devices. 

Powerful Verses to Meditate on

Philippians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

These next verses are so powerful:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is notable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or see in me - put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. 

Growing in Him

You will notice that not once did God say to run to your phone, run to social media, run to google. He said to spend time with HIM.  Learn and grow in HIM. Be in a community with people who are like HIM. We cannot keep living the ways of this world where we take everything into our own hands. The Bible says when we come to know Jesus we must die to ourselves. (Luke 9:24) If this feels too hard to do, then please put boundaries in place. For example, invite some accountability partners into your life or limit your time on social media. I know for me a lot of time social media takes me to an unhealthy place. I literally feel my heart start racing the second I view a reel, and I believe I’m not the only one who feels this way. We have to step back and run to Jesus! We have to choose to THINK about the things that God teaches us instead of what the world is showing us. When we step into this way of thinking, strongholds WILL break. I’ve seen it happen!  Anxiety or Depression does NOT have to define us. Let God do that!

Walking It Out:

• Take the time to memorize the verses in Philippians 4:8-9 and the peace and promises God has for us.

• Make the effort to put some healthy boundaries into place this week to move closer to the life God has planned for you. 

• Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. Memorize 2 Corinthians 10:5. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  It will help you fix your eyes on God and not on your own worries and control.

Put away the distractions of the day. Carve out a few moments and listen to the words of this song, and let the Lord speak to you.  I Speak Jesus by Charity Gayle and Steven Musso

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