Life Giving Grit - Do You Have It?

For whatever reason, I have lately been very interested in learning and hearing more about what I’m calling “Life-Giving Grit.”  You’ve heard these stories before.  The person who suffers devastating blows only to never give up and finally prevail in the end.  The movie “Rocky” comes to mind.  I have also been reading a couple of different books about Holocaust survivors - Wow!  Some incredible stories of survival have come out of that tragedy.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Elie Wiesel, and Oskar Schindler are just some of the heart-moving stories that continue to live on. 

I also have more than a couple of friends and family who are in the long-haul battle for their lives against cancer or other illnesses.  I watch as they pull themselves from one treatment to the next with no guarantees that anything is actually going to work.  Nonetheless, they carry on.  Some of them have lived and continue to live with such grace and strength that inspires others.  This has challenged me to ask, “What would I do in these situations?”

To be clear, none of us want to invite tragedy or hardship into our lives just to see if we can pass the test.  But, as life would have it, many of us will be tested.  I wonder how I would stand up to the test.  I wonder how strong my faith and hope would truly be.  How about you?  How strong would you walk through the darkness?  

I have taken a little time to study and observe more about these enduring characters.  What is it about them that sets them apart, what traits do they have or what actions do they take to move on with such grace?  My list is not intended to be the final say on survival, but rather some suggestions and ideas that maybe all of us could benefit from whether in difficult times or not. 

Here are five different things I’ve noticed. See what you think. 

1.    The Eye of David - You’ve heard about the “tiger’s eye”.  I have thought about the story of David and Goliath and tried to imagine what David actually looked like when he stepped into the ring against Goliath.  Against all odds, and staring into the face of a giant, David must have had a certain “look” to him.  I think of that as the look of the tiger, the “tiger’s eye”. That look of absolute focus on the matter at hand, likely to be tunnel vision, where nothing else really matters at the moment.  That look is only fueled by eliminating all other possible outcomes other than a triumphant win.  David could not have looked at Goliath with fear and trembling.  He had to look at him with determination and faith that he would prevail. 

2.            “Pick Me” Mindset - They are the “all in” volunteers.  They invite opportunities to walk through hardship because they have faith that something better will come. 

3.            No Paralysis From Analysis - We have all been around people who are terrible about making decisions.  They overthink and second-guess every possible solution.  They use excuses such as, I’m still gathering information or I’m praying about it, way longer than is beneficial.  Instead, these people make a decision and then go with it.  It may not be the perfect answer, but they are willing to live with the responsibility and consequences of their decisions.  They are not afraid. 

4.            Problem Solvers, Not Statement Makers- They ask great questions that lead to powerful answers.  “What can I do about this?”  Many of us get stuck in stating the obvious. We make a statement about a given problem and then we leave it sit.  “I have cancer.”  That may be a true statement, but if left there, it is nearly worthless.  Problem Solvers say, 'I have cancer, what am I going to do about it?’  Asking a question of self-empowerment is the fuel to get things moving. Remember, this has nothing to do with whether or not your solution is going to work.  It simply means that you are not stuck and stranded without options.

5.            Action Figures - Finally, people of great survival stories are people that are movers and shakers.  They are action figures. They don’t sit back, they do!   I’m reminded of Todd Beamer, the man who tragically lost his life as a victim on United Airlines Flight 93. The plane was hijacked and ran directly into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. Todd recognized that things did not look good for him and all the other passengers on that flight.  Rather than sit in his chair and cry, which would have made perfect sense, he corralled a group to storm the cockpit of the plane.  The possible outcomes were not good no matter what happened, but going down without a fight was not an option.  When they got their plan together, Todd Beamer was heard saying. “Let’s Roll”.  In other words, it is time to go to work.

As I mentioned earlier, none of us want to be tested in such life-or-death situations, but it is only through adversity that we truly learn who we are and what we stand for. My challenge is to know who I want to be prior to finding myself in the battle for my life. How about you?

Finishing Strong!

— Merrill Hutchinson

President of Rock Solid Families, a faith based marriage and family coaching organization in St. Leon, IN. For more information, contact 812-576-ROCK.

Pleasure over Pain, Please!

How comfortable are you with uncomfortable conversations? How well do you handle stressful situations? Do you find yourself avoiding your boss at work, because he seems to only point out your flaws, rather than acknowledge what you’ve successfully accomplished? When situations get serious, do you tend to crack a joke to break the uneasy tension? How often do you scroll aimlessly through social media or binge watch a television series to escape reality? Of course we’d much rather receive praise over criticism, laugh instead of cry, and distract ourselves rather than ruminate on our daily stressors. Given the choice, we would choose comfort over discomfort every time. 

It’s a No-Brainer
Pleasure over pain, please! Oh the things we do to protect ourselves from feeling discomfort. This is such an innate reaction for us that we don’t even realize how often we are doing it.  Everyday we combat distressing thoughts and feelings through defense mechanisms. A defense mechanism is an unconscious means to decrease internal stress. We don’t even have to think about it, our brains just activate into protection mode. The limbic system plays a major role in this, which involves the part of our brain responsible for behavioral and emotional responses, especially when it comes to our survival instincts, such as fight or flight. We are literally wired to protect ourselves. 

Formed from Emotional Wounds
Although we all have this innate reaction to defend ourselves, the more emotional wounds we’ve endured, the stronger our defenses become. When experiencing frequent or repeated emotionally distressing events, defenses can become really strong in order to protect from feeling emotional discomfort or pain. Think of it as building this brick wall around your heart or wearing full body armor like a knight. You’ve been emotionally hurt to the point you refuse to let anyone or anything even have the chance to cause you pain. 

For individuals who have experienced a lot of hurt or loss, especially throughout their early childhood, defense mechanisms can become so hardwired that they present themselves in situations we rationally do not need defending. It’s as if our brain perceives a “threat” that actually isn’t there. An example of this would be if you’ve experienced abandonment in your past and you start to avoid your friend who hasn’t spoken to you in a few weeks. In reality, your friend has been busy with a new job, however your past abandonment wounds perceive she is leaving you, so your defenses come up to protect from the possibility of getting hurt. Although defense mechanisms initially serve to protect us, over time they can create major barriers in our relationships and hinder our personal growth. Ultimately, continuing to live from our defense mechanisms may be hindering our relationship with God and living out the life He intended for us. 

How to Let Your Guard Down
Awareness is key. We can’t change something if we aren’t aware it exists. What are common defense mechanisms you may be using? Avoidance, distraction, deflection, denial, or humor? Click HERE to check out our handout of defense mechanisms and see which ones stand out to you. Once you’ve identified your go-to defenses, be curious why these defenses are coming up for you. What are you attempting to protect yourself from?  What emotions are you feeling when these defenses arise? Are there emotional wounds you haven’t dealt with yet? 

If you are thinking to yourself right now, “Psh, I don’t have any emotional wounds”, I gently encourage you to reference the “denial” defense mechanism; Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world and we ALL have been hurt at some point in our lives. After you’ve identified your defenses and start to uncover where they stem from, I encourage you to seek trusted support to process through your emotional wounds. The world teaches us that being emotional is a weakness. “Suck it up and move on.” The truth is, until we allow ourselves to sit with our emotions and process through them, they will continue to control us.

From Defensive to Defended
This fallen world has wired us to defend ourselves, but this isn’t the life God intended for us. God is our defender, shelter, shield, and our rock. The Lord guards our hearts and our minds (Philippians 4:7). We are hidden in Him (Colossians 3:3), and we are more than conquerors through Him (Romans 8:37). We aren’t meant to carry our burdens (Psalm 55:22), and we aren’t supposed to fight this battle on our own (Deuteronomy 3:22). “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14). I want to encourage you to take off the armor you’ve created from the hurts of this world, and put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6). Seek His help and comfort in times of distress, and allow Him to heal your emotional wounds of the past.

A Different Kind of Freedom

Have you had the chance to see the movie Sound of Freedom yet? Wow! The movie was such a difficult one to watch but such an important one to see about the horrific reality of human trafficking in our world today. I left the movie theatre feeling more convicted than ever that God’s children are not for sale, and we must do whatever we can to help eradicate such atrocities. So if you have a chance to see it in a theatre or stream it at home, please take the time to do so.

Chained by the Past?
Human trafficking is an unspeakable tragedy in our world today and should never be tolerated, but in this article we are talking about a different kind of freedom. With this kind of freedom, YOU hold the key! In our life coaching ministry, we work with so many clients held captive by the chains of their past mistakes or stuck in the pain caused by someone else. Some will say they literally feel imprisoned by the shame. Others come to us feeling haunted by childhood trauma and paralyzed by the fear.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom
There’s a song by Jesus Culture that describes it perfectly.  It’s called “Freedom”. The popular song incorporates a familiar passage of scripture into its lyrics- 2 Corinthians 3:17.  This verse says, now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  

The song, Freedom, starts with the lyrics, Step out of the shadows, step out of the grave. Break into the wild and don't be afraid. Run into wide open spaces, grace is waiting for you. Dance like the weight has been lifted, grace is waiting.Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. 

Hidden in the Dark
What’s holding you captive? Isaiah 61:1 tells us that the Lord has proclaimed freedom for the captives and released the prisoners from darkness. For some it’s their past. Maybe that’s you. Are there things in your past you have never dealt with or still feel ashamed of that keep you trapped?

Whatever you keep secret in the dark, Satan uses against you. He is the one that keeps you bound in chains. A couple months ago, we shared stories of hope and transformation on our Rock Solid Families Podcast, and we shared the story of “Shannon”. (Our client’s name has been changed to protect her privacy)

Shannon’s Story
Shannon came to Rock Solid Families last fall feeling stuck, broken, fearful, and ashamed. Those were her exact words. It took months before she finally felt safe enough to share the darkest part of her story.  She had stuffed the pain and shame of her childhood sexual trauma so deep; her husband was the only one she had ever told in over 40 years. Over the course of two years, Shannon had suffered sexual abuse from a family member when she was just 8 years old. It took her husband finally saying to her “it’s time”, before she ever shared about her childhood trauma in a coaching session.  It was obvious there was something holding her captive, but she was too fearful to share. 

No Longer a Slave to the Secret
Once the “secret” was out, Shannon began to unpack the trauma and heal those deep, infected wounds God’s way. Through God’s divine help, Shannon’s life looks radically different today because of God’s healing power and her courage to come out of the dark. She has finally found her voice and that fear and shame no longer hold her captive. Shannon is feeling hopeful again. She would say she is finally finding that freedom she had always heard about. 

Who Has a Hold Over You?
Maybe it's not trauma or past mistakes that hold you captive. Maybe it’s the words, actions, or attitude of a difficult person in your life that you have allowed to have control over you. Who do you allow to push your buttons? We can’t control others, but we CAN control our response. Our response is OUR responsibility. Don’t let someone else enslave you and hold you captive. Decide today…I will no longer allow that person to have a hold over me. I hold the key to set myself free! Find lasting freedom by setting healthy boundaries around that toxic relationship. Remember the words to the song Freedom we referenced earlier. Dance like the weight has been lifted… Bring all those burdens...bring all those scars. Grace is waiting for you. 

Experiencing a Different Kind of Freedom
Maybe it’s not the mistakes you’ve made or the toxic people around you, but the loss you’ve experienced. Maybe you have been held captive by grief for so long, you don’t even know what it means to experience joy and freedom again. What it means to laugh and smile again. Maybe you have been weighed down by the heaviness of loss...whether it be the death of a loved one or the death of a marriage. Maybe it is the loss of a career or livelihood due to an illness or accident. Maybe the grief has been so intense, you almost feel dead inside.

That same song says, step out of the grave. Break into the wild and don’t be afraid. Run into wide open spaces, grace is waiting for you.  Don’t know how to break free from those chains? Seek professional help. Reach out to us at Rock Solid Families. You don’t have to live as a captive any longer. But remember, what we said from the beginning; this is a different kind of freedom. Freedom is possible, because you my friend hold the key!

Are You Ready For a Vacation?

Spring has sprung, and you know what that means? It's time to start making some summer vacation plans with your family. With only a few years left with our two youngest at home, we’ve tried to be intentional about making memories together. Last summer we went out west and visited places like Sedona and the Grand Canyon. This summer, we are thinking of trying somewhere new, maybe on the northeast coast somewhere.  

Recently, our family spent some time away visiting my parents in Florida over spring break. It’s always fun to escape the dreary March weather and have some fun in the sun. A vacation is defined as a “period of time spent away from home or business-a respite”. Is there such a thing as a respite when you’re vacationing with a junior high boy? I’m just asking for a “friend”. My idea of a vacation is a good book, a cold ice tea, and a comfy lounge chair by the pool. I’ve got our 16 yr old daughter convinced, but that is definitely not the kind of vacation our 14 yr old son enjoys. 

On one of our days in Florida this past spring break, my husband and our teenage son went mountain biking for the afternoon. That guy adventure provided a perfect time for the girls to relax in the pool. It was an amazing day floating on rafts chit chatting with each other while enjoying the calm water and warm sun. That was until we heard the guys return from their adventure and walk through the door. We knew what that meant. Our quiet, relaxing afternoon was about to get cannon balled by a 14 yr old teenager. As we made a beeline for the stairs, our son noticed our quick exit and appeared to get offended. He couldn’t understand why the ladies didn’t want to stay in the pool. He was ready to “have some fun”. So much for the respite!

How about you? Are you an “adventure vacationer” who wants a full itinerary every day of new places to visit and new sites to see? Or are you the “relaxed vacationer” who wants no agenda for your time away? Either way, it’s important that we are intentional about taking vacations and resting our minds. We all need to create some white space or margin in our day, week, and year. Whether it be hiking the Appalachian Trail, cruising the Caribbean or sitting on the beach with a good book, we all need time to relax and reset our mind, body, and spirit.

Like never before, Americans are overworked and sleep deprived. More and more employers are expecting 24 hour access to their employees. Back in the 1940’s, Americans got an average of 7.9 hours of sleep. Now, over 40% of Americans get 6 hours or less of sleep per night. Fifty-four percent of American workers admit to not using all their given vacation time. One fourth of American employees don’t get any paid vacation time at all. Many people are convinced that there are just too many demands, too many responsibilities, too many bills, and too many emergencies to take a vacation. We are living in such a fast-paced, results-oriented world that many people feel like they can’t afford to take time off. They are afraid they’ll be left behind. 

At Rock Solid Families, we are here to say, you can’t afford NOT to take a vacation. Taking time off from the normal stressors of life is essential to your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, professional, and relational health. Every aspect of our lives is negatively affected when our bodies are under a high level of stress. So make a commitment today to get in a better rhythm for your life. Prioritize at least one hour a day, one day a week, and at least one week a year where you will step away from the stressors of life, unplug, and focus on relaxing and unwinding. Maybe, it’s a daily stroll with your spouse. Maybe it’s a weekly church service with your family. Maybe, it’s a mountain bike adventure with your son, or a poolside afternoon with your daughter. Whatever it is, take the time and enjoy the ride. You can’t afford NOT to!

5 Steps to Finding Your Identity and Purpose

She could hardly look up at me, as I we sat in my office on that hot summer day. She was so weighed down by the guilt and shame from her past, she had no idea how to even answer my questions. “Who is Dawn*, and why is she here?” All she could do was cry…and cry…and cry. It was an ugly cry. It was a couple sessions of ugly cries, but after she had a chance to let the pain go, it was time to begin the healing process. It was time to discover the answers to those two all important questions that would change her life forever-”Who are you?” and “Why are you here?”

Identity and Purpose
I don’t know what the weather is like where you are right now or where you are in life, but I want to talk to you for a moment about two things that are important in any season of our lives- Identity and Purpose. My husband and I have worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and families over the past 30 years who have struggled with one or both of these things. Honestly, identity and purpose are so closely connected, it’s hard to even separate the two. It’s hard to have one without the other.

What About You?
I didn’t just ask Dawn those two questions on that hot July day. I’m asking you, too. “Who are you and why are you here?” It doesn’t matter your age either. You can be an 18 year old young woman and have a very clear vision of your identity and purpose, or you can be a 50 year old man and have no idea. If we were sitting in my office together right now, and I asked you those questions, what would you say?

Not Enough
I can still see the look on one teenage girl’s face not too long ago when I asked her those same two questions. Her answers made my heart sink. “Who am I you ask? Well, I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough”, she said. That’s all she could give me. No wonder she struggled with anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. In her mind, she couldn’t even think of a reason for her to still be here.

Don’t Leave Your Heart Unprotected
You see when we don’t know who we are and why we are here, we set ourselves up for disaster. We allow our minds and hearts to be unprotected and we get wounded and offended easily. We allow the world or someone around us to define us and determine our worth and purpose. Not understanding our identity and purpose is causing one of the greatest epidemics today especially in our children and young adults. It is what is causing this huge crisis in the areas of: gender identity, self harm, hate, division, divorce, suicide, depression, anxiety-you name it.

Starts With You
So what can we do to combat this crisis? How can we help ourselves and those we love from falling into this deadly trap? I’m glad you asked. It starts with YOU. You can’t give someone else something you don’t have yourself. So here are five easy steps to finding YOUR identity and purpose.

Five Steps to Finding Your Identity and Purpose

1. Stay Away From the Lies. Make sure you don’t fall for the lies of identity. These are some common lies we all are tempted to believe when it comes to who we are. They are all sinking sand…

   • I am what I have

   • I am what I do

   • I am what other people say or think of me

   • I am nothing more than my worst mistake

   • I am nothing less than my best accomplishment

2. Commit to an Abundant Mindset-Commit to healthy, positive self talk for yourself and those you care about. Don't be a victim of your circumstances and focus on what you don’t have. Live in an abundant mindset and focus on what you do have. Fix your eyes on being content and grateful for what God has given you and what he has already done in your life. God can take the ugliest of circumstances and create some of the most beautiful victories. 

3. Build on a Strong Faith Foundation-Build an identity and purpose on something that doesn't change like the lies mentioned above. This is where a faith foundation can be critical to a healthy, positive identity and purpose for your life. God created you on purpose for a purpose! Build on His truths.

4. Surround Yourself With Healthy People-Surround yourself with people who will help you. Maybe it’s a mentor, pastor, coach, counselor, healthy friend, someone who will walk alongside you in this journey of self discovery and awareness. Let go of relationships who hold you back from your true identity and purpose. 

5. No More Excuses-Decide today to make this the year you find your identity and purpose in life. Stop floundering and letting everyone else decide who you are and why you are here on this earth. Once you discover who God has created you to be and the amazing plans he has for your life, it won’t matter the circumstances around you. You will have built your life on something that is unshakable even in the middle of the most intense storm. Once you start to understand who you are and why you are here, you will experience a contagious peace and joy that can never be taken away. That, my friends, is the kind of pandemic we need in our world today! 

   *Name changed to protect confidentiality

This is How We Fight Our Battles

I’ve never been a fan of horror movies. Even as a teen on a date, horror movies were not my thing. Watching people get bludgeoned to death by an ax murderer or heads spinning because of ghosts just gave me the creeps. I know a lot of people get a huge adrenaline rush by haunted houses, scary movies, or creepy novels, but we’ve got to be careful. Why you may ask? Because my friends, the battle for our mind and heart is real!

The Real Enemy
If you haven’t listened to our two recent Rock Solid Radio podcasts (Episodes 157-158) on spiritual warfare, I highly recommend you do so as soon as you are done reading this article. You can find them on our website or on any podcast platform you use. Every day, we have clients walking in our Rock Solid Families office in what they think is a battle with their spouse, adult children, boss, even an ex...you name it. Their emotions are high and their stomach is in knots over a conflict with someone. They are angry, sad, frustrated, and sometimes feeling hopeless that anything good can come out of their situation. Can I just stop you right now and tell you with 100% confidence; they are not the enemy! Now don’t get me wrong. People can hurt us and let us down. They can frustrate us and step on our toes, but they are not the real enemy in this story. The apostle Paul reminds us of that in a letter he wrote to the city of Ephesus.

For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against the mighty powers in this dark world, and against the evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 NLT

Looking For Someone to Devour
Oh, there’s an enemy alright, but he’s not made of flesh and blood! The apostle Peter warns us about the great enemy. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 NLT

My friends, we can’t get complacent. Satan and his demons are very real, and there is a real battle going on for our hearts and minds. He wants to distract, discourage, and destroy us. He wants our marriage, our family, even our life. He wants us to believe there is no other way out but through him. Isolation and shame are two of Satan’s favorite weapons for our heart and mind. If he can shame us with our mistakes and make us think we’re all alone, he’s got us right where he wants us. Every day, we see men and women walk in our office feeling weary and hopeless as they fight against this shame and isolation. It’s exhausting when we’re fighting the battle alone.

This is How We Fight Our Battles
So how do we fight against the enemy in this spiritual battle for our mind and heart? Let’s go back to what Paul taught us in Ephesians 6:10-17. We’ve got to suit up in the full armor of God to take our stand against the devil’s schemes.  It boils down to:

1. Truth-Believing in and speaking God’s truth in love. (vs. 14)

2. Integrity-Doing the right thing when no one is looking (v. 14)

3. Peace-Resting in and leaning on God’s strength even in the middle of a storm. (vs.15)

4. Faith-Trusting in the Lord even if we don’t understand. (vs16)

5. Salvation-Accepting the free gift of salvation that God offers us through His son, Jesus’ sacrifice. (vs 17)

6. The Bible-Knowing and living by the truth of God’s Word. It’s our only offensive weapon against the enemy. The Bible is alive, active, and sharper than any double edged sword.  (Ephesians 6:17, Hebrews 4:12)

7. Prayer- Crying out to the Lord activates the armor of God and calls on the power of the Holy Spirit to protect and intercede for us.  (vs18)

There’s no question that Satan's schemes are very real and very evil. As we drift away from these seven things identified above, the world gets darker and darker. But we are promised in 1 John 4:4 that “the one who is in us is greater than the one who is in the world.”  Let’s not be overcome by Satan’s schemes or tricked into believing there is no such thing as spiritual warfare. Stay alert and put on the full armor of God today. This is how we fight our battles!

Click HERE to watch and learn more about spiritual warfare on Rock Solid Radio

Click HERE to listen and learn more about spiritual warfare on Rock Solid Radio

Hitting the Wall

Have you ever “hit a wall” when you physically or emotionally couldn’t do it anymore? Maybe, you came to the end of yourself where you “hit rock bottom” and needed to make a change in your life? Both were the case for 21 year old Monica this past winter, when she hit more than the proverbial wall. In February 2021, it took a large retaining wall, a totaled car and a DUI to finally get Monica’s attention.

Numbing the Pain
Monica admits she had been living pretty angrily and recklessly up until the accident. As a teen, Monica was a girl with an attitude. She would regularly smoke marijuana and drink alcohol trying to numb the pain and loss she was feeling inside. Monica was an angry teenager that dumped a lot of hate and judgement on anyone who crossed her.  Looking back, Monica now realizes the marijuana, alcohol, anger, and tough exterior were all feeble attempts to cover up the feelings of abandonment and unforgiveness after her parents’ divorce. Instead of getting help, Monica self medicated and ignored the warning signs.

Healing Begins
That was until the accident got her attention. Getting a DUI and losing her license definitely humbled Monica and opened her eyes. She finally realized she needed help dealing with the emotions she had stuffed for so long. That’s when Monica made the call to Rock Solid Families and began the healing process. 

Let’s Be Honest
What about you? Are you turning to alcohol, drugs or hate to cover up pain or loss? Are you numbing or stuffing difficult feelings of anger, abandonment, betrayal instead of dealing with them in a healthy way? Let’s be honest. You’re not really getting high just because it feels good. You’re not drinking every day just because you’re bored. You’re not lashing out at everyone around you because it’s fun. What’s really going on inside? Stop kicking that proverbial can down the road. It’s only going to lead to destruction whether it be your marriage, your job, or maybe even your life.  There is HOPE and HELP available, but it’s not going to be found in the bottom of a bottle. It’s not going to be found in secrets and isolation. The enemy loves it when we keep things in the dark. He can hold us captive in our shame and pain. 

Get Rid Of The Garbage
Pick up that garbage and throw it in its proper place. Get help today and experience a peace and freedom like you’ve never experienced before. Get involved in a 12 step program like Celebrate Recovery or AA, if you need help in breaking free from addiction. Find someone to help hold you accountable for the changes you know you need to make. That’s what Monica did, and she’ll be the first one to tell you. It’s so worth it!

Click HERE to listen to Episode 155 Rock Solid Radio, Learning the Hard Way with Special Guest, Monica Quintanilla

Click HERE to watch Episode 155 Rock Solid Radio, Learning the Hard Way with Special Guest Monica Quintanilla

Skyler's Story-Finding Light in the Darkness

Hi everyone! My name is Skyler, a 23 year old nursing student from Northern Kentucky.  I could not be more excited to finish my RN in December with only one more semester left!  I have been attending Rock Solid Families for about 8 months now, and it has changed my life. When life got rough, I was blessed enough to have this faith based organization to turn to. 

Was It My Fault?
Earlier this year, I lost a very special person in my life to suicide, and just a couple months later, I lost my grandma due to some fast progressing health issues. It was as if I couldn't catch a break, or get my head out of the dark place I was in. I remember thinking, "why didn't I do more for my friend?  “His suicide was all my fault”’ Losing those two special people in my life in such a short time really took a toll on my mind and heart.

 Pray To God... Now?

I remember my mom telling me, "pray to God. He will help you through this. He hears how upset you are and wants to help you." I remember thinking there was no way I could pray in a time like this. It was a constant battle between giving it all to God or suffering in my own mind and dealing with this heartbreak. It was in those darkest moments when I found God with his arms open wide.

 Best Day of My Life
I started praying every chance I could get. I spent time with God and His Word.  I surrendered all my pain and suffering at his feet. I couldn't have picked a better decision during a time when I felt completely numb. God showed me through his word and his people that he’s been with me all along, even when I wasn’t reaching out to him. It's because of his grace and mercy, I am where I am today. I was baptized into Christ on January 31st, 2021 at Seven Hills Church in Florence, Ky.  I was surrounded by so much love that day. It was one of the best days of my life!  I continue to grow closer and closer to Christ attending church every Sunday with family and friends giving back to him what he so generously has given to me.

 Building On A Rock Solid Foundation
Before coming to Rock Solid Families, I had never experienced anything like one on one coaching. Linda listened and gave me the tools to grow closer to God. It’s exactly what I needed, and I don’t know where I would be today without this rock solid foundation. I have learned so much about myself, and how God really works in my life. Linda helped me find a bible I could read and understand, and that has been a huge blessing. I am so thankful God led me to Rock Solid Families. If you're looking for a place where you’re not judged but accepted with the love of Christ, then this is where you need to be. 

 Light In The Darkness
I am still working on the grieving process in my sessions with Linda. Some days are harder than others.  I am not sure my heart will ever be 100% healed, but I do know without a doubt that God loves me and is alive and active in my life. I want to be a light to people in dark times, and I want to help others with their struggles like God’s people did for me. I want to be living proof that God can help in the darkest times and protect you in whatever storm you may face.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. 

Isaiah 43:2

Finding Hope in the Grief

I’m not even sure how she was able to walk in my office the first night we met. When I asked her weeks later to describe the weight of her despair, she gave it a 10+ out of 10. Debby felt buried by the pain. What in the world could make someone feel so overwhelmed by grief? In this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio, Finding Hope in the Grief, Debby shares the Readers Digest version of her story and how she found hope in the midst of her grief. During our interview with Debby, it was tough to fight back the tears, but let me say this.  In my 30 plus years of working with individuals, couples, and families, I have personally never worked with someone who has experienced such grief and tragic loss.

Life or Death
As we talked about with Debby on this week’s podcast, being buried and being planted feel the same way. One symbolizes death and the other, the beginning of new life. That new life comes when we lay our pain at the Lord’s feet and allow HIM to carry the weight of it all. The apostle Paul reminds us of this.

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 1 Thess 4: 13-14

Running on Empty
We’re reminded in God’s Word NOT to grieve like those who have no HOPE. Our hope is not in our own understanding or our own strength. On her own, Debby was running on empty when it came to either one.  On May 30, 2021, however, Debby experienced the death and burial of her old life and the beginning of a new life in Christ through the waters of baptism. It didn’t immediately take the pain away nor erase the memories of the past, but it did help Debby find HOPE in the middle of the storm, in the midst of her pain. 

Let Go and Let God
Whatever we focus on gets bigger in our lives. Debby chose to live out the psalmist when he wrote…

But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge—do not give me over to death. Psalm 141:8.

Debby’s motto in life is now “Let Go and Let God”. She has found hope in the midst of her grief. She now knows that God did not cause her pain, but he doesn’t want to waste it either. Every tear, every sleepless night, every heartache-God wants to redeem. How about you? Are you being buried or planted?  Will you let God bring beauty out of ashes and hope even in the midst of your pain?

Click HERE to LISTEN to Episode 144 of Rock Solid Radio, Finding Hope in the Grief

Click HERE to WATCH Episode 144 of Rock Solid Radio, Finding Hope in the Grief.