A Broken Marriage Redeemed

It was June 2019 when I got a call from Kim Barth all the way from Georgetown, Ohio. She was calling to set up coaching for her and her estranged husband, Josh. After seven years of marriage, this young couple had been living separate for almost a year but were talking about giving their marriage another try. Making a blended family work was difficult for both Kim and Josh. Married before, both had one child each when they met. Josh’s son and Kim’s daughter were both in second grade at the time and in the same class. After getting married in 2012, this couple quickly found out how challenging it was raising children in a blended family with two totally different parenting styles. The tension in the home only intensified when Kim discovered Josh’s addiction to prescription drugs. Trust was broken and anger ran high as Josh imposed tough rules and high expectations on the whole family that he himself wasn’t willing to follow. 

No Other Way Out?
In April of 2018, Kim had had enough and her and her daughter moved in with her parents in Georgetown, Ohio. After Kim moved out, Josh went into a downward spiral of heavier drug use and reckless choices. In September of 2018, Josh was in a dark place of denial and self pity. The enemy had convinced him there was no other way out than to end his life altogether. That’s when Josh took a gun and put it to his head. Thankfully, God had other plans for Josh Barth that night. Josh may have pulled the trigger, but it was the Lord that lodged that bullet in the chamber and gave Josh another chance at life. That September night was a turning point for this young husband and father. It was the end of his addiction and the beginning of his new life in Christ. Josh made a decision that night. God was in charge of his life, and it was time to get busy living again. 

Restoring What’s Broken
Immediately after his suicide attempt, Josh got away from his old life and moved back to Lawrenceburg to live with his son and dad. Even while divorce papers were still in the works, Josh made the decision to rededicate his life to Christ. He started back to church and began attending weekly Celebrate Recovery meetings. Even if he lost his marriage, Josh knew he could never go back to that side of town and that way of life again. While Josh was working the steps of sobriety, he was also starting the restoration process of his marriage and family. At first, Kim was not “buying what Josh was selling”. Her walls were up because in her mind, “things were too far gone”. Kim and Josh had both been wounded deeply, and a lot of damage had been done to their relationship. Both questioned whether God wanted them back together at all. That’s when Kim called Rock Solid Families.

First Things First
When Josh and Kim walked in the doors of Rock Solid Families, neither one knew how to put God first, marriage second, and children third.  Kim did know one thing for sure; Josh getting clean wasn’t going to be enough. Their marriage needed a complete transformation, and that’s exactly what God gave them.  Healing for Kim and redemption for their marriage came when Kim finally surrendered her life to Christ and learned how to forgive Josh. Kim was baptized and began going to church on her own in Georgetown, Ohio. Kim began making the drive to Harrison, OH every Sunday to attend church with Josh. She began to make the 90 minute drive to meet with Josh at Rock Solid Families, and God began to do great things in this young couples’ life.

Rebuilding Trust
God commands all of us to forgive, but rebuilding trust takes two, so I asked Kim and Josh, recently, how they were able to do that. Both admit they are still are a “work in progress”. They admit they don’t always get it right, but it’s been so much easier doing their marriage God’s way. Kim and Josh turned to God’s Word for direction and started reading scripture together. Kim’s heart began to soften as she saw Josh living out what they were reading. He was not just “talking the talk but walking the walk” as well. Josh admits he had to come clean and change his ways. He had to stop taking the easy way out and be honest even when it was hard. He had to make amends with Kim and the kids and surround himself with accountability and healthy relationships. Both had to learn how to put God first while still making their relationship a priority. 

More Than We Could Ask or Imagine
The apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 3:20-21, Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Josh and Kim’s story is a living testimony to that truth. Not only has God restored their marriage, but he has brought this family of four together in a way it has never been before. God has also redeemed Josh’ addiction and used it for His glory too. He now serves the Lord in full time ministry working with men coming out of prison and addiction. Josh and Kim’s redemption story reminds us that there is nothing better than building our lives on the rock solid foundation of Jesus Christ. To Him Be All the Glory!

Here Comes the Sun

Here comes the sun! Praise God!

When the album, Abbey Road, hit the airwaves back in 1969, I don’t think the Beatles realized how vividly they would be describing the winter of 2021 with their chart topper, Here Comes the Sun. For many, the past several months have been that “long, cold, lonely winter” that the Beatles described in the song. I don’t know about you, but the line “it seems like years since it’s been here” not only fits the Beatles hit, but the feeling many have about normalcy in our world today.

It’s been tough this past year not gathering with family and friends and celebrating special holidays and life events. Weddings have been postponed or reduced in size. Baby showers and birthday celebrations have been cancelled. I went to my first “drive by” baby shower recently. I’m sad for that new expectant mother unable to celebrate with family and friends. Sporting events have been limited or restricted, and we were all encouraged to not travel and celebrate the holidays in the safety of our own homes. Cabin fever in Southeast Indiana has been at an all time high this past winter, and people are so ready to get out and live life again whether or not the sun is even shining.

Which is why I believe Perfect North Slopes has seen one of their craziest and busiest years yet with their outdoor fun of skiing, snowboarding, and tubing. People are hungry for that community and normalcy. Tim Doll, part of Perfect North Slope’s Operation Team says this about the phenomenon occurring in our community. After many months of feeling cooped up and anxious about their health, we have seen a tremendous response from our guests who are ready for some healthy outdoor recreation. Our observation has been a movement away from larger planned group outings toward smaller family groups. The cool outdoor environment and natural distancing provided by chair lift rides and spreading out over hundreds of acres of snow has provided a much-needed playground for a breath of fresh air.

I am so thankful Perfect North Slopes has seen a record year. They are a vital part of the Southeast Indiana community that provides amazing opportunities not only for our families to enjoy the outdoors safely but also for the thousand teens and adults they employ each year. They also bring a ton of business to our local economy with folks eating in our restaurants, staying in our local hotels, and stopping for gas before or after going home.

So what’s your theme song as we shake off our cabin fever and embrace life again? Like I said before, Here Comes the Sun has been stuck in my head lately. I’m ready for the sun; how about you? I’m ready for life to get back to normal and to start living life again in community with other people. Just the other day, I found myself actually excited when I heard advertising on the radio for a concert event coming to town this summer.

What would your theme song be for this coming spring and summer? Maybe old classic rock isn’t your thing. Maybe you’re a country fan. How about Everything’s Gonna Be Alright by Kenny Chesney? I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life who continue to speak truth and hope even when things look difficult or dark. If you don’t have those kinds of people in your life, it’s time to find them. I love hearing Kenny Chesney sing, “there ain't no doubt it's gonna work out, come on sing it with me.”

Maybe, you're like my old friend Frank who loves his Motown. Maybe your theme song as spring approaches would be Dancing in the Streets by Martha and the Vandellas. You are ready to get out and enjoy life again. I love the line in that song where it says, It’s just an invitation across the nation. A chance for folks to meet. There’ll be laughing, singing, music playing...dancing in the street. Let’s make a commitment right now, that we’ll never take life for granted again. Let’s shake off the past year and live life to the fullest this spring. Call up an old friend and go hiking at the park. Take the kids and head to the playground. Dust off that bike and go for a spin around the subdivision. Get a song in your heart and start dancing again. It’s time!

Never Say Never

When my husband and I started at Rock Solid four months ago, we were in bad shape. We had let years and years of resentment grow and fester in our hearts. As a woman, I had forgotten why we were even together and didn't think there was anything worth saving. We had tried therapists in the past, but neither of us had given it a 100%. With our previous therapists, I always felt I was right, and my husband always felt attacked. I didn't see a way out other than divorce.

That is when God put Merrill Hutchinson and Rock Solid Families in our lives. From the very first session, we both felt heard. Merrill showed us that we were BOTH causing damage not only to each other and our relationship, but to our kids as they watched our bad habits. Merrill helped up see how we needed to bring God into our marriage, or we weren't going to make it. Over the course of a few months, we were given the tools on how to handle conflict and how to communicate with each other. Without the Lord and Rock Solid Families, we would not have made it. Since coming to Rock Solid Families, my husband and I are closer than we ever have been before.

Don’t you just love seeing what God can do with two willing hearts? How he transforms our lives and our relationships into something that honors Him? At Rock Solid Families, we don’t claim to have all the answers, but we trust in a mighty God who does. With every client, we try and lean into His power and seek His wisdom. We don’t always get it right, and there are definitely times we miss the mark. After all, He’s God and we’re not. But when we humble ourselves and surrender our way for His; there’s no telling what God will do. Hearing stories like the one just shared with us confirms that God is still in the life changing business.

The apostle Paul understood better than any of us how God’s power was made perfect in OUR weakness. No fancy words. No magic pills. Just the power of the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of the one who created us in His image. So NEVER SAY NEVER when it comes to His power at work in your marriage and in your hearts. As Paul says, No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)

We are committed at Rock Solid Families to spread that message of HELP and HOPE with everyone we work with. That is why we do two weekly podcasts and videos on the topics of faith, family, and personal wellness. Rock Solid Radio and Strong Dads are two programs we write and record weekly to help spread that message with our community and abroad. We are blessed to have listeners from all over the world. You can find both on YouTube and most major podcast platforms like Spotify, IHeart Radio, Apple and Google Podcasts. Don’t know how to find those? Just go to our website, rocksolidfamilies.org. It can all be found there too. We are committed to putting tools and resources into the hands of those ready for change. We are passionate about helping to build more strong and healthy individuals, couples, and families. When an individual gives up or a family falls apart-everyone loses. Help us help others, but sharing this blog or one of our shows. And remember, no matter how bad things may seem right now, NEVER SAY NEVER, because with God all things are possible! (Matthew 19:16)

Do You Want to Get Well?

Since opening our Rock Solid Families office over two years ago, we have had the privilege of working with hundreds and hundreds of individuals, couples and families. Every day, we see clients who are hurting physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sometimes, it's from their own choices like addiction or infidelity. Other times, it’s at the hands of someone else who has left them feeling abused or abandoned. In many instances, our clients come in feeling paralyzed and unable to see any good that could come from their struggle.

One of our goals in our faith based coaching is to help clients see that there is HELP and HOPE available. It’s promised in his word that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose, (Romans 8:28) but for many clients, that truth is hard to fathom. It’s hard to imagine anything good coming out of their pain and tears. Some have been dealing with their past trauma or living as a victim for so long, their pain has almost become part of the family. 

That was the case for a lame man back in Jesus’ day who was lying by a healing pool in Bethesda. The pool from time to time would stir as the angel of the Lord came and healed whoever made it in first. This particular man had been paralyzed for 38 years and when Jesus met him by the pool,  he had been there for a very long time waiting for someone to help. Can you imagine?  In John 5, we see Jesus coming on the scene asking the lame man the all important question, “DO YOU WANT TO GET WELL?”  The invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” 

Aren’t we a lot like that lame man in Jesus’ day? I know I can be at times. There are days I just want to sit there with my “victim” badge and cry “Someone, anyone, please feel sorry for me! It’s a lot easier to wallow in my circumstances and sit in my pain than do the work to change my situation. It would almost be like losing a little piece of my identity. The invalid had excuse after excuse for Jesus why he hadn’t gone in that water to be healed.  It had been 38 years, for goodness sake! You’d think that would be motivation enough to crawl or beg your way to the pool and be healed.

What about you? How long are you going to wear your “victim” badge? After all, everyone’s got something. Maybe you experienced abuse as a child or were bullied in school. Maybe, you struggle to this day with an addiction or learning disability. Maybe you are like many of our clients who have made some really bad decisions in the past and are still reeling from the natural consequences of their choices. That “ailment” doesn’t have to define you. You don’t have to be “lame” or “blind” forever. Jesus Christ asks us the same question he asked the paralyzed man by the pool-”Do YOU want to get well?” And he extends the same offer of hope and healing to us today. 

Choosing to pursue healthy and healing is not only important personally, but it’s also critical as a parent. What are our children seeing in us-victim or victory? I ask my clients who are also parents that question all the time. We are raising too many victims in our world today. “It’s not my fault” or “No one will help me” are only excuses that perpetuate victimhood. Let’s not let ourselves play the blame game any longer. It’s time to search our hearts and ask ourselves the all important question-”Do I want to get well?” Then, in faith, let’s pick up our mats and start walking.  

Merry Christmas from Rock Solid Families

It is so hard to believe that over two years ago we first opened the doors of Rock Solid Families. Since October 2018, we have worked one on one with close to 400 families in the Greater Cincinnati area and beyond. We are so grateful for the amazing support we have received from families, churches, physicians, businesses, and even other area nonprofits. We pray DAILY for all our clients, partners, and listeners as we partner together in this important mission of strong and healthy families. 

At Rock Solid Families, we believe true peace and joy only come when we build our lives on the unshakable rock of Jesus Christ and the steady truth of His Word. We’ve seen the difference Christ is making in individuals’ and families’ lives when they put their HOPE in Him. So we celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, and we declare Him the Lord of our lives and this ministry. In this unsettling year of 2020, God has given Rock Solid Families the amazing privilege to not only keep our doors open but to help more clients than we have ever helped before. We give God all the glory, and trust Him for the direction and provision for this ministry. 

Thank you for believing in us and supporting this all important mission of strong and healthy individuals and families. We believe strengthening the family is how we strengthen our churches and communities and heal our land. As Mother Teresa once said, “if you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”

Praying for you and yours,

Merrill and Linda Hutchinson

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and

 puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house 

on the ROCK 

Matthew 7:24

Rebuilding Trust

As a teacher and coach, I loved challenging my students’ fears and insecurities with the famous trust fall. Pairing up classmates or teammates, I would have them face each other, cross arms and lock hands with their partner standing across from them. All while one scared teenager stood high on a ladder with their back to the group ready to fall into their arms.  It was so cool watching student after student face their fears and take that leap of faith falling safely into the arms of their peers. But what happens when your teammate drops you? How do you rebuild trust and ever take that risk again? 

What if We Get Dropped?
Rebuilding trust is a HUGE issue in our world today.  If we’re being honest, probably all of us have been hurt by someone before who broke our trust. Then how do we rebuild trust after someone has betrayed us or let us fall? Whether it be a spouse, child, parent, friend, coworker or boss, can we ever truly forgive someone who has literally or figuratively “dropped” us? And does forgiveness always mean we should trust them again? 

Every day, people walk into our doors at Rock Solid Families feeling angry and wounded because someone broke their trust. Some have been so hurt by the offense and have no idea where to begin. They want to experience peace and joy again, but instead feel chained by bitterness and unforgiveness. 

Forgiveness vs. Trust
Ideally, a relationship is restored when both partners forgive each other and themselves and trust again, but that’s easier said than done. At Rock Solid Families, one thing that has helped individuals and relationships heal is separating the decision to forgive from the concept of trust. 

You’ve probably heard the old adage about what happens to US, the offended, when we chose NOT to forgive our offender. “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison ourselves and waiting for the other person to die.” Bitterness and anger begin to grow when we harbor those negative feelings of unforgiveness. It eats US up from the inside out. 

Forgiveness is a decision we can make regardless of whether the person who hurt us is sorry for what they did or does anything to make amends. Forgiveness takes the control away from our offender and puts the power solely in our own hands. It is a decision that can set US free and bring US peace regardless, if the relationship is restored or not. 

Trust is a Two Way Street
Trust, on the other hand, is a two way street. Trust says I not only forgive you for dropping me, but I’m willing to try it again. Some would say that’s insane, but for others, the relationship is worth the risk. Maybe it's trying to rebuild a marriage after infidelity. Maybe, it’s with an adult child after they’ve been caught in addiction.  In order for the relationship to be restored in a healthy way, rebuilding trust is an essential next step. It isn’t easy and doesn’t happen overnight, but restoring trust is possible and can even make the relationship better and stronger if done right. 

Steps for the Offender to Rebuild Trust
Step One-Take Responsibility for the hurt you caused and admit your wrongs- This first step is so hard for the offender, because pride gets in the way. No one likes to admit they were wrong; let alone take responsibility for hurting someone else. 

Step Two-Be Patient with the Offended-If you have hurt someone, rebuilding trust is going to take time and as the offender, you don’t get to decide how long. The greater the offense, the longer it takes to rebuild trust.  

Step Three – Mean What you Say; Say what you mean. Make sure people can count on your word even with the little things. Don’t be surprised if it takes time for those around you to trust your word again. You’re the one who broke trust.

Step Four – Be Honest and Transparent. If you want to rebuild trust, you have to show the person you offended that you have nothing to hide. That may mean sharing passwords and your whereabouts and not getting defensive or angry when someone asks.

Step Five– Confess Promptly. No one’s perfect, so when you do mess up make sure you own it BEFORE you’re caught in it. As the Scottish novelist, George MacDonald once said, “To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved”

Steps for the Offended in Trusting Again
Step One-Remember, no one is perfect including you, but also never forget God doesn’t make junk. Your worth and value come from a God who loves you and created you in His image not from anyone or anything. Search your heart and make sure you are not trying to hold your offender hostage through your unforgiveness. Remember, unforgiveness only hurts YOU. 

Step Two-Surround yourself with healthy, safe people. Seek wise counsel to help you work through the forgiveness process. Find someone neutral like a counselor or pastor who will help you sort out truth from lies.Get professional help if you have relationship wounds that are not healing right. 

Step Three-Step back and let the emotions settle before you make any decisions. Let your words be few. You don’t want to say or do something you will later regret. Don’t stoop to the level of your offender and seek revenge. Keep your character and integrity high. 

Step Four-Protect yourself from any kind of physical, emotional, or spiritual abuse. Forgiveness does not mean you become a martyr or victim. Trust may not be possible in the relationship if the offender does not own their mistakes and take the steps to rebuild trust.

Step Five-Rebuilding trust in a relationship takes two people and takes time. Be patient with yourself and learn to trust again.  Search your heart for any hurt or wrong you have caused in the relationship and own your part whenever possible. Extend grace to the offender if there is real effort being made to restore trust. As long as you’re breathing, there will always be a chance of getting hurt, so learn these skills of forgiveness and rebuilding trust now. It’s worth the effort. 

Emotional Healing is Possible
Don’t stay trapped or paralyzed by old memories or past hurts. Emotional healing is possible! We all need healthy people in our lives. We were not made to do life alone. Healthy relationships are worth fighting for.  When you can think back on the offense and not feel wounded anymore, you’re well on your way to true healing and lasting peace. 

Screens-The Modern Day Junk Food

I still remember the day it hit me.  I had just gotten married and moved into our first home. It was a late summer evening when I decided to go for a walk in my new neighborhood.  My husband wasn’t home at the time and as I walked alone in my new neighborhood, I remember thinking- “my mom would kill me if she knew I was out walking in the dark alone”. I still remember that glorious feeling though thinking to myself in that moment- “But, I’m an adult now, and I can do whatever I want.” 

Through the years, though, I’ve learned another important life lesson the hard way- just because we CAN doesn’t mean we SHOULD.  That’s the way I feel about the whole issue of screens.  As an adult, I have a love/hate relationship with screens whether it be my phone, laptop, or TV. In our non-profit marriage and family ministry, screens are a necessary evil for the work that we do connecting with families through email, texting, and social media. We share our message online everyday through our blogs, posts, and podcasts. Let’s face it-screens are here to stay, but is there a healthy way to manage them so that they don’t control us? At Rock Solid Families, we’d even go as far to say screens are not just controlling us, but in some cases destroying us?

Did you know that the average adult spends ELEVEN hours a day in front of a screen? That’s the general adult population average regardless of what they do for a living. Wow! Eleven hours of screens doesn’t leave much time for  much else before it’s time to call it a day and go to bed. What is that amount of screen time doing to our bodies, minds, and relationships? 

A LOT! 

As a pastoral counselor and life coach, I see the destructive consequences walking through our door every day. Look around you. You see it too. Couples sitting at the table day after day on their phones or in front of the TV only to wonder why later their spouse wants a divorce. Watching as folks in conflict verbally attack and assault one another because the only thing they have learned to interact with all day is a screen. Kids and adults who are used to getting answers at the touch of a button now too impatient to wait on anyone or anything. 

Screen time reminds me of my love/hate relationship with junk food. Oh, it can taste so good, but it can be so bad for you.  Both may be ok in moderation or special occasions, but if we don’t get it under control, both can do some serious damage. Yes, you are an adult and you can eat and do what you want, but how much junk food is too much?  I want to share with you some unhealthy screen habits we see, and the healthy alternatives we encourage and recommend at Rock Solid Families.  

Mental Health

Unhealthy: There is a significant association between TV/computer/phone usage and moderate/ severe levels of depression and anxiety. In this culture of 24/7 connections, we’ve never felt more isolated and alone and for some suicidal. It’s true for our children and teens and it holds true for adults as well. 

Healthy: Turn off the noise. Find someone to hold you accountable in setting a healthy screen time limit for you-yes even as an adult. Decide as a couple, family or with a close friend, what’s a healthy amount for you. The experts recommend no more than 2 hours of recreational use of screens. What are some sites you just shouldn’t go to or shows you shouldn’t watch? Talk this through with a professional if you need to. For some Snapchat is overwhelming and unnerving. For others, Facebook takes their mind to a bad place. Are there sites that trigger destructive habits or negative emotions for you? If so, turn it off, block the site if you have to and get someone to hold you accountable. You have got to give your mind some whitespace every day to dream, relax, and decompress. We’re not doing that on a regular basis and it’s taking a toll on our mental health. We can get wound so tight we are ready to snap.

Relationships

Unhealthy: Screens are replacing people when it comes to relationships. We’d rather sit home on our phone than go out with our spouse or friend. And when we do go out with them, we often end up “phubbing” them. Phubbing is where we snub those sitting in front of us for a phone. We are disconnecting from those around us whether it be the man standing behind you in the grocery line or the mom sitting next to you in the stands. Screens are stealing quality and quantity time away from those we love and care about. Our spouse, friends, and children are beginning to feel like whatever you are staring at whether it be Facebook or Fox News is more important than they are. Is that the message you want to send them?

Healthy: Make sure you build in at least 15 minutes everyday of uninterrupted face to face time with every person in your home. Turn the TV off, put down your phone, and look that person in the eyes to show them you care and are listening. It is like taking a daily temperature read of your relationship. Are you ok? Are we good? Doing this daily helps you from missing something important that they were waiting for you to ask about. 

Productivity

Unhealthy: Ask anyone how they are doing and the usual response is “Busy, so busy!” Why is that? I think it’s because of the hours of wasted time in front of screens. Think about it. We live in a generation with more gadgets and gizmos that make our life easier yet we are overwhelmed with the lack of time. 

Healthy: Do a little honest evaluation on your screen time. Keep track for a week the amount of time you sit in front of a computer, phone, or TV. How much of that time is mindless nothingness? Make a commitment now that you will replace some of that time with more productive, healthy tasks such as making dinner, taking a walk, or reading a book.

Physical Health

Unhealthy: Just like junk food, an unhealthy amount of screen time, can lead to some serious physical issues. Screens especially late at night are keeping our minds awake and “doped” up causing sleeplessness, migraines, obesity, high blood pressure, anxiety, addictions, back pain, eye strain, the list goes on and on. 

Healthy: Commit today to limit your screen time and watch your physical health improve. Turn off your notifications. Shut down the blue light from a computer or phone at least an hour before you go to sleep and charge your phone away from your bed. Set up some screen free zones such as the dinner table, bed, and car. Establish some screen free days where you unplug and unwind with no screens around. Every 20 minutes stand, stretch, and walk away from your computer or phone even if you work in front of a computer all day. Decide as a couple or a family-what is a healthy amount of screen time we should shoot for in our home. 

As we said before, just because we CAN doesn’t mean we SHOULD. Our friends and family are watching. What’s the message we are sending to them? The benefits of a healthy balance of screen time will have positive and lasting effects on anyone regardless of our age. It’s time, as adults, we lead the way and show others how it’s done.

New Life-The Story of Rob and Ale

Over the years, I have had the privilege of working with hundreds of amazing engaged couples as they prepare for their new life together. I have loved getting to know each and every one of them and seeing their relationship grow and strengthen. That’s been especially true for newlyweds, Rob and Ale. I’ll never forget the day the two walked into our Rock Solid Families office. You could tell they were giddy about their upcoming wedding, but there was a seriousness about them too. They REALLY wanted to get this right. They were ready to do the work.

During our premarital sessions, they learned how to better communicate and resolve conflict in stressful times. They learned the importance of budgeting and having common financial goals. They dreamed together about their future including starting a family and parenting children. Then we began to dig a little deeper into what Rob and Ale were going to build all this on. What kind of foundation did the two of them want for their new life together? 

The topic of spiritual beliefs was definitely an issue between this engaged couple.  Rob came from an awesome family who loved one another and loved God; they just weren’t church goers. Ale had been raised Catholic but had stopped going for a while. On her own, Ale had recently started to attend church again and wanted a strong common faith for her marriage. Together, we began to unpack the story of the Wise and Foolish Builders in Matthew 7:24-27. 

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.  But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

Rob and Ale walked down the aisle in June 2019 and started their new life together as husband and wife. They began attending church together as husband and wife and growing in their faith. In December 2019, the two of them walked down the aisle together again. This time to give their lives to Christ. Ale describes that moment as one she will never forget. Rob says “he felt something pulling him” to walk forward. Together, Rob and Ale decided to go ALL IN with their faith and lay a foundation of faith for their family that would be unshakable no matter the storm. 

You see, God’s word doesn’t promise us a storm free life, but he does offer us protection and refuge from the storms. That storm may be called infertility or infidelity. It may be cancer or COVID. Your marriage may be rocked by bankruptcy or betrayal, but God’s promises still stand. 

Rob and Ale are learning to trust each other completely just like they do God, because His love never fails! They both would tell you- it is so worth it. When you experience the unconditional love and grace of your Heavenly Father, you can’t help but give it away. They are building their family on the rock of Jesus Christ and just in the nick of time too, because their world is about to be rocked. The legacy of faith, family, and new life continues with the addition of Baby Bennison in March 2021. When I asked Ale what she wanted for her family, she immediately responded, “I can’t wait to bring him/her to church.” And so begins a new legacy of faith!

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. 
The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
2 Corinthians 5:17

Jake's Story

Have you ever heard the story about the prodigal son?  The wayward son took his inheritance and arrogance and went out to live his “best” life.  The results were disastrous - trouble, brokenness, isolation, anxiety, and depression. Hardly, what any of us would consider a “best” life, but here’s the great part.  When humbled, the son returns to his father who accepts him with open arms.  The love of the father and the restoration of one’s life is what we call grace!  

Sounds a lot like Jake’s story.  Jake is a young man who began dreaming of all the fun and excitement he could have by doing his own thing. In 7th grade, Jake began experimenting with alcohol and drugs.  His introduction to alcohol came through his friends’ older siblings.  He describes that time as boys just hanging out having fun.  He loved hanging out with those older guys and enjoyed the feeling of drinking and laughing with his buddies.  

Fast forward into 8th grade when Jake had the opportunity to experience marijuana for the first time. Jake describes his first-time as euphoric which led him to seek it out over and over again.  Jake’s marijuana use continued for years. When he got his driver’s license, his newfound freedom allowed him to get high almost daily.  During this time, Jake withdrew from almost all activities that used to be part of his life, which we know is a huge red flag.  Sports, family time, and school activities were replaced with hanging with friends that would smoke pot and working to buy more.

Jake has a soft heart and never wanted to hurt his family, but he could not escape the hold that euphoria had on him.  In order to keep the peace, his avoidance and manipulation grew in order to hide his “dark side”.  Jake became very sneaky and would use his charm to mislead others.  He was very good at telling everyone what they wanted to hear but then doing what he wanted to do.  As good as he thought he was, his mom knew something was going on. He would get caught and there would be consequences, but he would turn the blame on his mom, not himself. As a self-centered, arrogant young man, Jake only felt remorse for himself and would get angry about being caught.  Nonetheless, his mom continued to show Jake tough love not tolerating his self-destructive and illegal behaviors.  

Without working too hard at school and barely showing up, Jake was able to maintain a “B” average and graduate high school.  To Jake, his decent grades only fueled his deception and pursuit of his addiction.   Out of high school, Jake loved the life he was living and continued to enjoy the euphoric experience of drugs.  He began to experiment with psychedelics and the likes of mushrooms and such.  Jake knew he was taking his drug use to a deeper level, but he had fooled himself in thinking he could handle it. After all, he had graduated from high school while getting high every day.

All Good Things Must Come to An End

Two years ago, Jake hit a wall after a very bad situation with the law and found himself facing up to 15 years of prison time.  His mother continued to love Jake through his ordeal, but knew she couldn’t save him from the consequences of his actions. Facing the possibility of 15 years in prison, Jake began to realize the seriousness of his decisions and how his life would be forever different.  After his charm and sweet-talk fell on deaf ears, his attorney encouraged him to seek counseling and begin real-life change. This is when Jake reached out to Merrill Hutchinson and Rock Solid Families.   

Merrill, President of Rock Solid Families, was formerly Jake’s elementary school counselor.  When Jake reached out to Merrill, there was an instant connection and desire to help.  Jake came for his first session and began to reveal all of his years since Merrill had known him as an elementary school counselor.  Jake was painting a side of himself that Merrill had never seen.  Jake appeared remorseful and mostly scared. He had a great deal riding on this and knew that he needed to do everything possible to prove to the courts that he was actively seeking a new and changed life.  

Merrill’s approach to Jake was much like a coach.  Jake was expressing all the trouble he was in and what needed to happen in order for him to improve his chances with the courts prior to sentencing.  Merrill made it very clear that if Jake was just seeking out this help to get through the courts, then he really wasn’t interested in helping.  He was not going to enable Jake to continue to manipulate the system and people to get his way.  Merrill explained that this work would be intense and that Jake would be held accountable for his work of restoration.  Merrill explained that he would not write any letters to the courts appealing for anything less than the maximum sentence unless Jake had proven himself committed to the coaching work laid before him.  Jake agreed with Merrill’s approach and expectations and stated that it was time for him to make some serious changes with how he was living life.  

Jake began working on multiple fronts. He came in for weekly coaching sessions, did his homework in between, and even began to physically take care of himself.  He began working out in the Rock Solid Family gym and enjoying a more healthy approach to living.  

Merrill recognized how thoughtful Jake truly was.  His big heart and thoughtfulness began to show through and Merrill began to challenge him to use these traits for something greater.  Jake and Merrill had many conversations about God and the Bible.  Jake’s familiarity with the Bible was limited, but his desire to listen and learn about God was fresh.  Many sessions involved Jake and Merrill walking through passages of scripture, and how they could help Jake build a better life.  Among the most impactful awakenings, Jake had about himself was his heart for others. He first began to understand the depth of his mom’s love for him.  How she never gave up on him even when he hated the things she was saying or doing.  He realized how he was using and manipulating people only to satisfy his immediate selfish desires.  Jake’s life began to change for the better when he saw the teachings of Christ’s love and grace come alive around him.

Jake began to make statements like: “Your habits create who you are; it’s time for me to change my habits.”  “I used to spend my free time thinking about how and when I was going to get high.  Now I think about who I want to visit, and spending time with my family.” “I never even gave thought to my body and what I was eating or how I was exercising.  Now, I’m more conscious of eating right and adding exercise to my days. I’ve lost a ton of weight and stronger than I’ve ever been.”  “I used to hang out with risky people willing to do risky things.  Now, I hang out with people that build me up, or I can help build them up.”

The Return to Your Mother’s House   

Jake’s sentencing date finally came after being postponed several times.  But, these postponements ended up being a blessing as it gave Jake more time to continue his path of change.  When the judge looked at Jake’s work and the progress made, he made the decision to move Jake’s felony charge down to a misdemeanor.  His sentencing time went from 15 years in prison to 2 years of probation. Jake will be completing his two years of probation in a matter of months.  He has a fresh start on the horizon. 

Jake has been and continues to do the work of change.  Sober for nearly two years, he has recognized the ways of his past and owned the choices he made.  He now has a healthy relationship with his family and is attending college to get his Master’s degree in Social Work maintaining a 4.0 GPA.  He is now intentional about capturing those negative thoughts  BEFORE they get him in trouble.  He can see the bigger picture versus living in the moment to get high. Jake is busy working two jobs and using his money to pay for school and even learning to save for retirement.   

When asked what he would tell his 7th-grade self, this 22-year-old definitely had some things he wished he would have understood back then. For Jake, marijuana was a gateway drug.  The scariest thing was how much he enjoyed it even using the term “euphoric”. He couldn’t get enough of it, and it led to many other destructive things.  He wished he would have understood how his choices would have negatively impacted his life and the lives of his family.  He wished he had his high school years to do over, as he blew every opportunity to be involved in sports and other activities.  He hates to think of all the doors of opportunity that he shut on himself when it came to academics and college. He hates to think about how much money he lost because of the drugs and now defending himself in court.  

His maturity and humility have created a whole new way of life for Jake.  His understanding of personal responsibility and the need for Christ in his life have given Jake a fresh start. God is still writing Jake’s story, and we look forward to seeing Jake continue to grow and become the man God intended him to be.  Living with a purpose far greater and more meaningful than serving his own desires.