What Breaks Your Heart?

Years ago, God laid these two questions on my heart.  The first was “Linda, what breaks your heart?”, and the second was “how are you going to use that to glorify me?” My husband, Merrill, and I would pray and pray over these questions for years. We both felt God calling us to work with individuals, couples, and families who needed HELP and who have lost HOPE, but we weren’t exactly sure how.

Leaps of Faith
Those two questions prompted Merrill and I to take leaps of faith WAY out of our comfort zone including a new ministry position and church home years ago. Answering that question led to Merrill and I adding to our family and adopting three more children who were students in my husband’s school building. Three years ago, Merrill and I took another giant leap of faith leaving our full-time jobs in the school and church world to start a new faith-based coaching organization called Rock Solid Families. All of those moves were a result of answering those two questions: “What breaks your heart?” and “How are you going to use that to glorify me?”

Mama Scar
For our special guest on this week’s Rock Solid Radio podcast, Scarlet Hudson, answering those two questions for herself meant quitting her full time job in the corporate world to fight the ugly world of sex trafficking and bringing the HOPE of Christ to the marginalized women on the streets of Cincinnati. Scarlet Hudson may be the CEO and founder of the faith based non-profit Women of Alabaster, but to the women she ministers to, she’s “Mama Scar”. She spends her days feeding, housing, and loving on women who struggle to even love themselves. Don’t miss this week’s episode of Rock Solid Radio as Scarlet shares how God broke her heart for what breaks his. Put yourself in Scarlet’s shoes. Would you be ready to answer the call like Scarlet did?

How about You?
How would you personally answer those two questions today? Not everyone is called to adopt three children or serve in the prostitution ministry, but the Lord IS calling ALL of us to do something. So take some time to really ponder and pray over these two questions. “What breaks your heart?” and “How are you going to use that to glorify Him?” But be careful what you pray for. Chances are the Lord wants you out of your comfort zone too!

Click HERE to WATCH the full episode of Rock Solid Radio- Sex Trafficking with Special Guest Scarlet Hudson-Episode 141

Click HERE to LISTEN to the full episode of Rock Solid Radio- Sex Trafficking with Special Guest Scarlet Hudson-Episode 141

A New Man With a New Plan

In March of 2021, I received a phone call from a young man who was a couple years into his marriage.  He claimed he wanted help becoming a better man and husband.  My initial thought was that the marriage was in trouble, and he was desperately seeking to save it. We set up our first appointment and we began to talk.  I asked him to describe his marriage and its overall health.  He said without hesitation, “Oh, my marriage is great!”. I responded with a little bewilderment in my voice saying, “Well then, what can I help you with?”   He said, “I need help learning how to stand up for my wife and myself”. 

Intimidated by Dad
Meet Zach and Emily, a young couple in love who truly enjoy being together and dreaming about the future.  But, as I began to work with Zach, I recognized how timid he was.  As we talked, he would sink in his chair; when he didn’t know what to say, he would just go silent.  He did give me a clue to the problem when he started talking about his authoritarian father and how no one wanted to challenge his authority.  When challenged, his dad would quickly escalate his voice to a roar and begin intimidating everyone in the house.  As a boy, Zach was intimidated by his father and would never even dream of challenging or disagreeing with him.

Out of the Line of Fire
As Zach got older, he began to disagree with how his father acted and reacted in the house, but the disagreement remained in his head.  Partly out of respect and partly out of fear, he would cower down to his dad and never challenge him on anything. That actually seemed to work very well most of the time.  Zach remained out of the line of fire, and his dad remained on the throne.  Zach’s behavior soon settled in to be his character.  Whether in the house or out of the house, he was timid - afraid to stand up for himself, his values, or his faith.  He became very unsure of himself as he was worried about making the wrong decision and disappointing people in his life.  His habit was to sit back and just let everyone else tell him what to do.  

Making all the Decisions
As a young married couple, make no mistake about it, Emily loves Zach.  She loves his gentleness, caring, attention, and willingness to take care of her, but soon into the marriage, she began to feel like she was carrying making all the decisions.  Everything from when the garbage needs to go out to how they should manage their money.  Zach was not being defiant; he was just waiting for his orders.  Emily did not want to be in a position of giving orders. She wanted Zach to lead.

Becoming the Man She Needs
Everything came to a head when Zach’s father began to weigh in on Zach and Emily’s life as a married couple.  He would make comments that demoralized  Zach as a man. He would question why they did the things they did.  On the other hand, he would never take input from anyone else.  Emily began to recognize that she did not appreciate how Zach’s dad was treating him or them as a couple.  She began to challenge Zach by questioning him as to why he doesn’t stand up to his father.  Why doesn't he take initiative with running his own home?  Zach started to realize that he was not being the man or husband God called him to be.

Getting Help
This realization is what brought Zach to Rock Solid Families.  He had enough insight to recognize that something needed to change; he just didn’t know where to begin. That’s when we began to educate him on his upbringing, and how he was responding.  We began to have conversations about how his dad behaved and how Zach responded. We talked about how the pattern of timidity began to grow and become more and more entrenched into Zach’s being.  Once we were able to isolate the cause and effect connection, we were able to begin a new way forward.  

Working Together Toward a Solution
Emily began to attend sessions with Zach.  She was a critical component to helping Zach see a clear picture of what she needed as his wife. She in turn learned how to help and encourage him at home. Zach came in session after session willing and eager to learn knowing he had something better in him as a man.  Each week, Zach and Emily would practice new assertive actions in the home and when they were out together.  Zach did what may seem like simple things like take out the garbage or cut the grass without Emily’s prompting or second guessing himself. Emily learned that if she wanted these new habits to stick she had to encourage and praise not criticize Zach through his timidity.  

Practicing Fire Drills
The big test of Zach’s new found strength was going to come when he had to interact with his father.  Admittedly, Zach was nervous and concerned that he would just fall right back to his old self and allow his father to dismiss him as a man.  Zach and Emily learned how to establish and communicate healthy boundaries as a couple. In session, they practiced “fire drills”  where the two of them would run through potential hypotheticals to see when and how they would respond.  The more Zach and Emily practiced this, the greater their confidence became.  They actually began to be believe in themselves as a couple and that their marriage was theirs to protect.  This was empowering and even exciting.

 The Day of Reckoning with Dad
The day of reckoning finally came with a family get together.  Zach and Emily were confident and ready to respectfully respond to any snide remarks or disrespectful behaviors from Zach’s dad.  Zach’s dad came to the outing that day and quickly noticed that Zach had a certain confidence about him.  Zach did not respond to his father’s inappropriate remarks that day. He ignored them and refused to let his dad get in his head.  By not giving his father’s remarks any attention and energy, Zach noticed his dad backing down from his typical authoritarian persona.  On the other hand, Zach was starting to carry himself with greater confidence and strength than ever before.  It reaffirmed how he wanted to be as a husband and man of God. 

A New Man with a New Plan
Not only did this new confidence help in his relationship with his dad, but with his wife as well. Emily loves the man Zach is now.  She feels greater confidence in their relationship and less stress, because she now knows she’s not carrying the load alone.  Zach is truly a new man with a new plan.  He is now walking with his shoulders back and finding his confidence in who Christ made him to be.  He is learning to give himself grace when he makes mistakes, but continues to get back up.  Zach now looks forward to being a better husband, son, brother, neighbor and someday, a father.  He has much to give and now is ready to do so, all because he has uncovered the man God created him to be.

Don’t Settle for Less Than God’s Best
Zach and Emily’s story is one of new hope and life.  God created us in His image, but we often blame him for who we are. When, in fact, we have just allowed life to mold us into someone less than who God intended us to be.  Before you give up on yourself or someone else, understand that God gives us the ability to change. Your upbringing and environment can truly shape you for the good and bad.  When you want to see a better version of yourself, begin by praying to God and recognizing that you do not have to be a victim of your environment.  

Grace over Disgrace-A Lesson in Cancel Culture

It’s hard to find a program on TV anymore that’s appropriate for your whole family to watch, and if you have teenagers like we do, it may be even tougher to find one you can all agree on. For us, American Idol has been one of the few shows we’ve enjoyed as a family over the years. The popular talent show gives our family lots of conversation opportunities about talent, pride, humility, modesty, etc.  Recently, the show gave us the perfect opportunity to talk about cancel culture and how it could very well affect them someday. 

A Rising American Idol Star

If you’re not an American Idol fan, let me set the stage. Three celebrity judges scan the countryside every year for the next singing super star, with thousands of auditions occurring over a span of several months. Then it moves into the live shows where the nation gets to vote, narrowing their picks down week after week until the next American Idol is crowned.  This year our kids were excited about a young 16 yr old country star named Caleb Kennedy who really wowed everybody with his deep country voice.  He was doing well week after week making it to the top five, until his world came crashing in. 

A Costly Mistake

According to his own statement on Instagram, a snapchat video resurfaced back when he was 12 years old showing him sitting next to someone wearing a white hood. Because of one snapchat video (that kids mistakenly think always disappears) sitting next to someone in a white hood when he was 12 years old, Caleb’s dreams of becoming the next American Idol have been flushed down the toilet. Raise your hand if you think Caleb’s actions warranted him being kicked off the show? 

Navigating this Toxic Culture

But that, my friends, is what cancel culture is doing to our world today. American Idol and ABC are not going to stand behind their rising star in this racially charged climate we live in right now. They don’t want to touch that hot button topic with a ten foot pole. You and I are reading stories like this every day in our daily newsfeed and they offer some important lessons for us all. As parents, how can we help our kids navigate this toxic culture we live in today? How can we use stories like Caleb Kennedy to help our kids succeed in the future?  Here are some important things we have been talking about as a family in our home.

Lessons for us all

1. Digital Footprint- Have you ever googled your name and checked out your digital footprint? What can people find out about you or your children at the click of a button? Our kids especially need to understand that people in their life like teachers, coaches, colleges, employers, etc WILL judge them by the digital footprints they leave behind. Fair or not, just like Caleb found out, our digital footprint matters. Even if your child has no social media or digital devices of their own, they are around others who do. What are they saying and doing that they would someday regret if captured or shared? Have those kinds of conversations now with your kids before it’s too late. As a parent, it’s also important that we don’t give kids devices and forms of media they are not emotionally ready to manage. 

2. Love and Respect- As we talked about on our recent podcast, we agree with the premise of cancel culture and the importance of treating everyone with love and respect regardless of who they are or what they’ve done. Teach your children now to love and respect not only other people but themselves as well. Our words, actions, and attitudes DO matter and WILL affect our future.

3. Grace over Disgrace- At the end of the day, Caleb Kennedy learned a costly but valuable lesson on American Idol. Whether you agree with what happened or not, the reality is this: none of us are perfect, and we all make mistakes. This teenager’s  actions from four years ago may have cost him an American Idol title, but it doesn’t define who he is or who God created him to be. Despite what our society is saying in this cancel culture environment we are living in today, grace still trumps our disgrace. God offers us new mercies every day. He loves us despite our mistakes and that’s how he has asked us to love ourselves and others. Not because we are perfect or better than anyone else, but because of who Christ is and the price he has already paid for us on the cross. 

GRACE OVER DISGRACE...That’s the message we need to continually speak to our kids. 

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8

For more on cancel culture and our family…Listen to this episode of Rock Solid Radio by clicking this link. https://www.buzzsprout.com/636718/8578966-rock-solid-radio-cancel-culture-and-your-family-episode-135

Watch this episode of Rock Solid Radio by clicking this link 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnz94AN0e-U

Man Caves and She Sheds

Would Jesus Have a Man Cave?
If Jesus was alive today, do you think he would have a Man Cave? You probably have never thought about this before, but would he?  You won’t find any specific references of Jesus’ man cave in the Bible, but if you dig a little deeper you will find Jesus seeking out what people long for in a man cave or she shed-a place of peace.  There are so many men and women who seek a place where they can collect their thoughts and unwind from the stresses of the day.  Jesus frequently did the same thing leaving the crowd or chaos and seeking a quiet place to pray.  

A Place of Peace is Important
Like Jesus, we need to take time to take care of ourselves and find that place of peace. We need to have healthy habits and routines in our day to nourish and rest our mind, body, and soul.  For this reason, it is no wonder that the terms She Shed and Man Cave have come to be.  Essentially, these are places where we can seek peace and connect with our thoughts.  These terms may be somewhat new, but the concept is not.  A She Shed may be a literal shed in the back yard or a quiet room in the house.  It’s a place where women like to go and escape from the noise of life.  Maybe she gardens, does crafts, artwork, or just reads.  The point is she finds a time and place to rebuild and take care of herself.  As for the Man Cave, maybe it’s a workshop, garage, home gym, or a barn to hang out in.  Maybe it is an office space where you retreat to.  Whatever the case, men desire a place to rejuvenate as well.  

Moderation is Critical
Man Caves and She Sheds can be good things, but when used for the wrong reason or without moderation, they can become a negative thing for the family. For example, when dad comes home from work instead of going into the house to interact with the family, he immediately retreats to his shop.  He has the shop set up with the basics such as snacks and drinks, maybe even a tv and bathroom.  This set up sounds good to many of us, but it may very well be detrimental to the relationship with his wife and kids.  A fully furnished man cave leaves little reason for a husband or dad to ever have to interact with his family.  Often, you’ll see the other spouse start to complain and resent their spouse’s little hideaway. 

The idea of a Man Cave or She Shed may sound good on the surface, but be careful why and when it is used.  At Rock Solid Families, we see couples running and hiding from each other on a regular basis.  They avoid interaction with each other due to years of poor communication and conflict resolution skills. Hurt, resentment, and hardening of the heart build until one or the other spouse starts to believe the marriage is beyond repair. 

Communication is Key
Man Caves and She Sheds can serve a valuable purpose in our mental or physical health, but if the marriage and your communication are not solid, then it is likely that these places of refuge are doing more harm than good.  Do yourself a favor, tend to the marriage and family and you will find your Man Caves and She Sheds far more rewarding and enjoyable for everyone in the family.   

Click HERE to listen to the full episode of Man Caves and She Sheds

Click HERE to watch the full episode of Man Caves and She Sheds

How Are You Using Your Gifts?

Are you living with magnanimity?  After a recent interview with Father Meyer from All Saints Parish, we received a lesson on the Rock Solid Radio show on what living with magnanimity means.  It may be best to explain the opposite in order to understand the intended meaning of the word.  The opposite is often what we see more of from people; living minimally.  Meaning we seek to do the least amount in order to get by.  What’s the least amount of studying I can do to pass the class?  What is the least amount of time I can spend at work?  What is the least amount of commitment I can give to my relationships?  What is the least amount I can train for my marathon race?  You get the picture.  It is about living to the lowest level and still getting by.  

Father Meyer challenged us, as well as he challenged all of his athletes and parishioners to not live with a minimalistic attitude, but rather, an attitude of magnanimity.  Meaning we should live to the fullest of our God given abilities.  We glorify God when we use the gifts he has blessed us with and use them to their fullest.  Magnanimity comes from the Latin words, magna = big, and animus = soul, yes, “big soul”.  We are called to live with a big soul, or in other words, with a heart and desire to love God and bring glory to his name.  Instead of doing the least amount, how about when you do the things that matter, you do them to your fullest?  

Father Meyer explained how he has taken this virtue on as a way of life.  In doing so, he has made a lifestyle commitment to use his gifts as a coach and mentor.  Not only does he serve the people of his parish, but he immerses himself into the local high school community as a track and cross country coach.  He can also be seen at a great variety of other events around the high school or in the community as he feeds into the next generation of leaders.  So, the next time you are thinking about taking the shortcut, or the easy way out, think about what you are saying to God and what you could be doing for your community. 

To watch the full episode of our interview with Father Jonathan Meyer from All Saints Parish , Click Here

Here Comes the Sun

Here comes the sun! Praise God!

When the album, Abbey Road, hit the airwaves back in 1969, I don’t think the Beatles realized how vividly they would be describing the winter of 2021 with their chart topper, Here Comes the Sun. For many, the past several months have been that “long, cold, lonely winter” that the Beatles described in the song. I don’t know about you, but the line “it seems like years since it’s been here” not only fits the Beatles hit, but the feeling many have about normalcy in our world today.

It’s been tough this past year not gathering with family and friends and celebrating special holidays and life events. Weddings have been postponed or reduced in size. Baby showers and birthday celebrations have been cancelled. I went to my first “drive by” baby shower recently. I’m sad for that new expectant mother unable to celebrate with family and friends. Sporting events have been limited or restricted, and we were all encouraged to not travel and celebrate the holidays in the safety of our own homes. Cabin fever in Southeast Indiana has been at an all time high this past winter, and people are so ready to get out and live life again whether or not the sun is even shining.

Which is why I believe Perfect North Slopes has seen one of their craziest and busiest years yet with their outdoor fun of skiing, snowboarding, and tubing. People are hungry for that community and normalcy. Tim Doll, part of Perfect North Slope’s Operation Team says this about the phenomenon occurring in our community. After many months of feeling cooped up and anxious about their health, we have seen a tremendous response from our guests who are ready for some healthy outdoor recreation. Our observation has been a movement away from larger planned group outings toward smaller family groups. The cool outdoor environment and natural distancing provided by chair lift rides and spreading out over hundreds of acres of snow has provided a much-needed playground for a breath of fresh air.

I am so thankful Perfect North Slopes has seen a record year. They are a vital part of the Southeast Indiana community that provides amazing opportunities not only for our families to enjoy the outdoors safely but also for the thousand teens and adults they employ each year. They also bring a ton of business to our local economy with folks eating in our restaurants, staying in our local hotels, and stopping for gas before or after going home.

So what’s your theme song as we shake off our cabin fever and embrace life again? Like I said before, Here Comes the Sun has been stuck in my head lately. I’m ready for the sun; how about you? I’m ready for life to get back to normal and to start living life again in community with other people. Just the other day, I found myself actually excited when I heard advertising on the radio for a concert event coming to town this summer.

What would your theme song be for this coming spring and summer? Maybe old classic rock isn’t your thing. Maybe you’re a country fan. How about Everything’s Gonna Be Alright by Kenny Chesney? I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life who continue to speak truth and hope even when things look difficult or dark. If you don’t have those kinds of people in your life, it’s time to find them. I love hearing Kenny Chesney sing, “there ain't no doubt it's gonna work out, come on sing it with me.”

Maybe, you're like my old friend Frank who loves his Motown. Maybe your theme song as spring approaches would be Dancing in the Streets by Martha and the Vandellas. You are ready to get out and enjoy life again. I love the line in that song where it says, It’s just an invitation across the nation. A chance for folks to meet. There’ll be laughing, singing, music playing...dancing in the street. Let’s make a commitment right now, that we’ll never take life for granted again. Let’s shake off the past year and live life to the fullest this spring. Call up an old friend and go hiking at the park. Take the kids and head to the playground. Dust off that bike and go for a spin around the subdivision. Get a song in your heart and start dancing again. It’s time!

Never Say Never

When my husband and I started at Rock Solid four months ago, we were in bad shape. We had let years and years of resentment grow and fester in our hearts. As a woman, I had forgotten why we were even together and didn't think there was anything worth saving. We had tried therapists in the past, but neither of us had given it a 100%. With our previous therapists, I always felt I was right, and my husband always felt attacked. I didn't see a way out other than divorce.

That is when God put Merrill Hutchinson and Rock Solid Families in our lives. From the very first session, we both felt heard. Merrill showed us that we were BOTH causing damage not only to each other and our relationship, but to our kids as they watched our bad habits. Merrill helped up see how we needed to bring God into our marriage, or we weren't going to make it. Over the course of a few months, we were given the tools on how to handle conflict and how to communicate with each other. Without the Lord and Rock Solid Families, we would not have made it. Since coming to Rock Solid Families, my husband and I are closer than we ever have been before.

Don’t you just love seeing what God can do with two willing hearts? How he transforms our lives and our relationships into something that honors Him? At Rock Solid Families, we don’t claim to have all the answers, but we trust in a mighty God who does. With every client, we try and lean into His power and seek His wisdom. We don’t always get it right, and there are definitely times we miss the mark. After all, He’s God and we’re not. But when we humble ourselves and surrender our way for His; there’s no telling what God will do. Hearing stories like the one just shared with us confirms that God is still in the life changing business.

The apostle Paul understood better than any of us how God’s power was made perfect in OUR weakness. No fancy words. No magic pills. Just the power of the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of the one who created us in His image. So NEVER SAY NEVER when it comes to His power at work in your marriage and in your hearts. As Paul says, No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him. (1 Corinthians 2:9)

We are committed at Rock Solid Families to spread that message of HELP and HOPE with everyone we work with. That is why we do two weekly podcasts and videos on the topics of faith, family, and personal wellness. Rock Solid Radio and Strong Dads are two programs we write and record weekly to help spread that message with our community and abroad. We are blessed to have listeners from all over the world. You can find both on YouTube and most major podcast platforms like Spotify, IHeart Radio, Apple and Google Podcasts. Don’t know how to find those? Just go to our website, rocksolidfamilies.org. It can all be found there too. We are committed to putting tools and resources into the hands of those ready for change. We are passionate about helping to build more strong and healthy individuals, couples, and families. When an individual gives up or a family falls apart-everyone loses. Help us help others, but sharing this blog or one of our shows. And remember, no matter how bad things may seem right now, NEVER SAY NEVER, because with God all things are possible! (Matthew 19:16)

Do You Want to Get Well?

Since opening our Rock Solid Families office over two years ago, we have had the privilege of working with hundreds and hundreds of individuals, couples and families. Every day, we see clients who are hurting physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sometimes, it's from their own choices like addiction or infidelity. Other times, it’s at the hands of someone else who has left them feeling abused or abandoned. In many instances, our clients come in feeling paralyzed and unable to see any good that could come from their struggle.

One of our goals in our faith based coaching is to help clients see that there is HELP and HOPE available. It’s promised in his word that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose, (Romans 8:28) but for many clients, that truth is hard to fathom. It’s hard to imagine anything good coming out of their pain and tears. Some have been dealing with their past trauma or living as a victim for so long, their pain has almost become part of the family. 

That was the case for a lame man back in Jesus’ day who was lying by a healing pool in Bethesda. The pool from time to time would stir as the angel of the Lord came and healed whoever made it in first. This particular man had been paralyzed for 38 years and when Jesus met him by the pool,  he had been there for a very long time waiting for someone to help. Can you imagine?  In John 5, we see Jesus coming on the scene asking the lame man the all important question, “DO YOU WANT TO GET WELL?”  The invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” 

Aren’t we a lot like that lame man in Jesus’ day? I know I can be at times. There are days I just want to sit there with my “victim” badge and cry “Someone, anyone, please feel sorry for me! It’s a lot easier to wallow in my circumstances and sit in my pain than do the work to change my situation. It would almost be like losing a little piece of my identity. The invalid had excuse after excuse for Jesus why he hadn’t gone in that water to be healed.  It had been 38 years, for goodness sake! You’d think that would be motivation enough to crawl or beg your way to the pool and be healed.

What about you? How long are you going to wear your “victim” badge? After all, everyone’s got something. Maybe you experienced abuse as a child or were bullied in school. Maybe, you struggle to this day with an addiction or learning disability. Maybe you are like many of our clients who have made some really bad decisions in the past and are still reeling from the natural consequences of their choices. That “ailment” doesn’t have to define you. You don’t have to be “lame” or “blind” forever. Jesus Christ asks us the same question he asked the paralyzed man by the pool-”Do YOU want to get well?” And he extends the same offer of hope and healing to us today. 

Choosing to pursue healthy and healing is not only important personally, but it’s also critical as a parent. What are our children seeing in us-victim or victory? I ask my clients who are also parents that question all the time. We are raising too many victims in our world today. “It’s not my fault” or “No one will help me” are only excuses that perpetuate victimhood. Let’s not let ourselves play the blame game any longer. It’s time to search our hearts and ask ourselves the all important question-”Do I want to get well?” Then, in faith, let’s pick up our mats and start walking.  

Jake's Story

Have you ever heard the story about the prodigal son?  The wayward son took his inheritance and arrogance and went out to live his “best” life.  The results were disastrous - trouble, brokenness, isolation, anxiety, and depression. Hardly, what any of us would consider a “best” life, but here’s the great part.  When humbled, the son returns to his father who accepts him with open arms.  The love of the father and the restoration of one’s life is what we call grace!  

Sounds a lot like Jake’s story.  Jake is a young man who began dreaming of all the fun and excitement he could have by doing his own thing. In 7th grade, Jake began experimenting with alcohol and drugs.  His introduction to alcohol came through his friends’ older siblings.  He describes that time as boys just hanging out having fun.  He loved hanging out with those older guys and enjoyed the feeling of drinking and laughing with his buddies.  

Fast forward into 8th grade when Jake had the opportunity to experience marijuana for the first time. Jake describes his first-time as euphoric which led him to seek it out over and over again.  Jake’s marijuana use continued for years. When he got his driver’s license, his newfound freedom allowed him to get high almost daily.  During this time, Jake withdrew from almost all activities that used to be part of his life, which we know is a huge red flag.  Sports, family time, and school activities were replaced with hanging with friends that would smoke pot and working to buy more.

Jake has a soft heart and never wanted to hurt his family, but he could not escape the hold that euphoria had on him.  In order to keep the peace, his avoidance and manipulation grew in order to hide his “dark side”.  Jake became very sneaky and would use his charm to mislead others.  He was very good at telling everyone what they wanted to hear but then doing what he wanted to do.  As good as he thought he was, his mom knew something was going on. He would get caught and there would be consequences, but he would turn the blame on his mom, not himself. As a self-centered, arrogant young man, Jake only felt remorse for himself and would get angry about being caught.  Nonetheless, his mom continued to show Jake tough love not tolerating his self-destructive and illegal behaviors.  

Without working too hard at school and barely showing up, Jake was able to maintain a “B” average and graduate high school.  To Jake, his decent grades only fueled his deception and pursuit of his addiction.   Out of high school, Jake loved the life he was living and continued to enjoy the euphoric experience of drugs.  He began to experiment with psychedelics and the likes of mushrooms and such.  Jake knew he was taking his drug use to a deeper level, but he had fooled himself in thinking he could handle it. After all, he had graduated from high school while getting high every day.

All Good Things Must Come to An End

Two years ago, Jake hit a wall after a very bad situation with the law and found himself facing up to 15 years of prison time.  His mother continued to love Jake through his ordeal, but knew she couldn’t save him from the consequences of his actions. Facing the possibility of 15 years in prison, Jake began to realize the seriousness of his decisions and how his life would be forever different.  After his charm and sweet-talk fell on deaf ears, his attorney encouraged him to seek counseling and begin real-life change. This is when Jake reached out to Merrill Hutchinson and Rock Solid Families.   

Merrill, President of Rock Solid Families, was formerly Jake’s elementary school counselor.  When Jake reached out to Merrill, there was an instant connection and desire to help.  Jake came for his first session and began to reveal all of his years since Merrill had known him as an elementary school counselor.  Jake was painting a side of himself that Merrill had never seen.  Jake appeared remorseful and mostly scared. He had a great deal riding on this and knew that he needed to do everything possible to prove to the courts that he was actively seeking a new and changed life.  

Merrill’s approach to Jake was much like a coach.  Jake was expressing all the trouble he was in and what needed to happen in order for him to improve his chances with the courts prior to sentencing.  Merrill made it very clear that if Jake was just seeking out this help to get through the courts, then he really wasn’t interested in helping.  He was not going to enable Jake to continue to manipulate the system and people to get his way.  Merrill explained that this work would be intense and that Jake would be held accountable for his work of restoration.  Merrill explained that he would not write any letters to the courts appealing for anything less than the maximum sentence unless Jake had proven himself committed to the coaching work laid before him.  Jake agreed with Merrill’s approach and expectations and stated that it was time for him to make some serious changes with how he was living life.  

Jake began working on multiple fronts. He came in for weekly coaching sessions, did his homework in between, and even began to physically take care of himself.  He began working out in the Rock Solid Family gym and enjoying a more healthy approach to living.  

Merrill recognized how thoughtful Jake truly was.  His big heart and thoughtfulness began to show through and Merrill began to challenge him to use these traits for something greater.  Jake and Merrill had many conversations about God and the Bible.  Jake’s familiarity with the Bible was limited, but his desire to listen and learn about God was fresh.  Many sessions involved Jake and Merrill walking through passages of scripture, and how they could help Jake build a better life.  Among the most impactful awakenings, Jake had about himself was his heart for others. He first began to understand the depth of his mom’s love for him.  How she never gave up on him even when he hated the things she was saying or doing.  He realized how he was using and manipulating people only to satisfy his immediate selfish desires.  Jake’s life began to change for the better when he saw the teachings of Christ’s love and grace come alive around him.

Jake began to make statements like: “Your habits create who you are; it’s time for me to change my habits.”  “I used to spend my free time thinking about how and when I was going to get high.  Now I think about who I want to visit, and spending time with my family.” “I never even gave thought to my body and what I was eating or how I was exercising.  Now, I’m more conscious of eating right and adding exercise to my days. I’ve lost a ton of weight and stronger than I’ve ever been.”  “I used to hang out with risky people willing to do risky things.  Now, I hang out with people that build me up, or I can help build them up.”

The Return to Your Mother’s House   

Jake’s sentencing date finally came after being postponed several times.  But, these postponements ended up being a blessing as it gave Jake more time to continue his path of change.  When the judge looked at Jake’s work and the progress made, he made the decision to move Jake’s felony charge down to a misdemeanor.  His sentencing time went from 15 years in prison to 2 years of probation. Jake will be completing his two years of probation in a matter of months.  He has a fresh start on the horizon. 

Jake has been and continues to do the work of change.  Sober for nearly two years, he has recognized the ways of his past and owned the choices he made.  He now has a healthy relationship with his family and is attending college to get his Master’s degree in Social Work maintaining a 4.0 GPA.  He is now intentional about capturing those negative thoughts  BEFORE they get him in trouble.  He can see the bigger picture versus living in the moment to get high. Jake is busy working two jobs and using his money to pay for school and even learning to save for retirement.   

When asked what he would tell his 7th-grade self, this 22-year-old definitely had some things he wished he would have understood back then. For Jake, marijuana was a gateway drug.  The scariest thing was how much he enjoyed it even using the term “euphoric”. He couldn’t get enough of it, and it led to many other destructive things.  He wished he would have understood how his choices would have negatively impacted his life and the lives of his family.  He wished he had his high school years to do over, as he blew every opportunity to be involved in sports and other activities.  He hates to think of all the doors of opportunity that he shut on himself when it came to academics and college. He hates to think about how much money he lost because of the drugs and now defending himself in court.  

His maturity and humility have created a whole new way of life for Jake.  His understanding of personal responsibility and the need for Christ in his life have given Jake a fresh start. God is still writing Jake’s story, and we look forward to seeing Jake continue to grow and become the man God intended him to be.  Living with a purpose far greater and more meaningful than serving his own desires.