Battling the Coronavirus Blues

It was a beautiful sunny day last week when my husband grabbed our youngest son and took him for a drive. He had to run an errand and figured it would be a good way to get our 12 yr old out of the quarantined house and away from his two siblings. They were driving down the road with talk radio on listening to the latest information about the Coronavirus and it’s spread. I’m not sure how much my husband was really listening to, but it was enough for our son to say, “Dad, could we listen to something else? Sometimes this Corona stuff is just too much.” 

If we’re being honest, the latest news and updates on COVID-19 are not just too much for weary 12 yr olds; they can be too much for us adults too. At Rock Solid Families, we are seeing an influx of new and old clients call our office this past month or so struggling with this same feeling. It’s just too much for many people, and folks are struggling to find healthy ways to battle the “Coronavirus Blues”. So I wanted to share with you some concrete things you can do today to give you a better tomorrow regardless of what’s going on in the world around us.

1. Limit your exposure to the news and social media. Many of you have turned into Coronavirus junkies reading and listening to every news story and theory out there. It’s way too much. You know this but you still keep listening and scrolling. For that matter, anxiety and depression are directly connected to the amount of time you spend on ANY screen regardless of what you’re watching or reading. That means not binge watching that latest NETFLIX series or scrolling on your phone checking Facebook into the early morning hours. It’s not healthy for you on ANY day, let alone when you are trying to fight the Coronavirus Blues. This goes for our kiddos too. In our house, our TV does not go on until 8 pm when we sit down together to watch a family show, and our teens are limited to just a couple hours of screen time a day on their phones. They may not like it, but we know how critical it is for their mental health.

2. Take Care of Yourself. I know you’ve heard this before, but yet you keep ignoring the truth. Your emotional health is DIRECTLY tied to your physical well being. Mind, body, and spirit are all interconnected, so it’s critical, especially during these unsettling times, you get on a healthy routine of eating, sleeping, and exercising. I’m not saying you have to go out and run three marathons, but it does mean getting outside when you can walking or riding that bike that’s been sitting in the garage for six months. I hear folks say all the time. I know I’m depressed, but I don’t want to be on medicine. Great, then do the things that you have control over, so that maybe you don’t have to be. 

3. Connect in a positive way to others. We are relational beings and this time of quarantine and isolation has been tough on everyone especially us extroverts. Get creative and keep connecting in a positive way with those that lift you up, not pull you down. I have two groups of women that I have been video chatting with on a regular basis. It’s been so fun to catch up and laugh with old friends all over the country. We are making time to connect in ways that we didn’t make time for just months ago. I have also found more time to send those things called cards through this thing called the US Postal Service. It’s also been fun to Facetime our children and grandchildren more often passing the time laughing with them. Seize the moment to connect more with those important relationships that may have been neglected before the virus hit. 

4. Practice Kindness. It’s a known fact that serving and giving helps to combat the blues. When we take our eyes off of ourselves and focus on helping someone else, it blesses us. Someone did that to us just the other day in the Dunkin Donuts drive through. Someone paid for our order and my daughter immediately asked if we could “pay it backwards” to the person behind us. Maybe it’s sending a card to your hairdresser anxiously trying to keep their head above water. It doesn’t take a lot of money to practice kindness, and it definitely makes the world a better place.

5. Avoid Guilt or Comparison. Let’s face it. None of us have ever experienced anything like this in our lifetime and there’s no manual on how to navigate the Coronavirus perfectly. We are all trying to figure it out as we go and that includes the local and federal governments. So stop pointing fingers at someone else or even yourself for how things are going. Most likely you are NOT performing to your normal level at work or at home. That’s understandable. You’re trying to answer calls and get things down for work, while helping your children with E-Learning in the other room. You’re cleaning up lunch dishes and the kids are already asking “what’s for dinner”. You are trying to teach students through a screen instead of walking alongside them in your classroom. It’s not going to be the same, so stop comparing the way it used to be with your current reality.

6. Extend Grace. I love the title of Robin Robert’s recent book, Everybody’s Got Something. I have to agree with her. We don’t have a clue what’s going on in someone else’s life. This is why I believe, now more than ever, we have to be ready to extend grace to one another. Whether it be that grumpy grocery clerk who is risking her families’ health in order to put food on her table and yours. Or maybe it's that customer service agent struggling to troubleshoot your problem while he works at home with a toddler under his desk. Everybody reacts to stress differently too. You may be doing ok today, but your teenager who just lost her dreams of graduation and prom is not. Extend grace!

7. Don’t be Afraid To Reach Out for Help. If you’ve read through numbers 1-6 and are still feeling overwhelmed, please reach out for help. We have seen an uptick of folks call our office who have never needed help before, but these Coronavirus Blues are kicking their butt. Maybe you’re like our 12 yr old where if you were being honest… “It’s just too much”. Call a friend, family member, or pastor and let them know you’re struggling. Sometimes just sharing the load with someone who cares helps to lift its weight off your shoulders. If you don’t have that person in your life, or that hasn’t helped, give us a call at Rock Solid Families. If we can’t help you, we’ll connect you with someone who can. Maybe there is an issue with addiction or abuse in your home that has been magnified due to the stress of COVID-19. Please don’t ignore the problem. Get help today! 

The bottom line is this…there is HOPE and HELP available. Please don’t suffer in silence. You don’t have to battle the Coronavirus Blues alone. Call us at Rock Solid Families today at 812-576-ROCK or contact us through our website at rocksolidfamilies.org. Thanks to the generous support of our Rock Solid Partners, we are able to extend our coaching services FREE to anyone unable to pay during these unsettling times. No cost. No strings. Just someone to listen and help. If you’re reading this today, please know…we are praying for you!

Peace in the Storm

When you grow up in the Cincinnati Tri-State area, you get used to unpredictable weather. It can be sunny/70 degrees one day and rainy/40 degrees the next. You get used to the flood watches and tornado warnings coming across your phone or TV. They are just a part of living in the midwest. But if you’re my friend from Southern California, those warnings can be unnerving and bring on a lot of anxiety. I’ll never forget when Mary, a new friend from San Diego, experienced her first tornado warning in the Tri-State. She was in her car on a winding Indiana road when the tornado warning came across her car radio. She started to become anxious and panicked. She immediately pulled over to the side of the road and called me screaming, “What do I do?”

Let’s face it, I would have probably reacted the same way, if I were in Southern California during an earthquake or in Hawaii during a Tsunami warning. We can NEVER be prepared for every storm we will face in life. All of us, sometime or another, will face a storm in life that will catch us off guard and try to knock us off our feet. 

That was even true for Jesus’ disciples. The Bible tells of a time when they were in a boat with Jesus and began to panic when a storm suddenly blew in and began pounding their boat while out on the Sea of Galilee. Many of these men were even expert fishermen but yet were caught off guard at the sudden squall that beat against their boat nearly swamping it. (Mark 4:35-41)

Ever felt like that before? Ever felt like your boat was being swamped by the storm raging around you?  I’ve seen your recent Facebook posts. I’ve seen your Instagram feed. In this time of uncertainty, we are all trying to wrestle with this raging yet invisible storm of COVID-19. I’ll admit I’ve had my moments where the “what ifs” crept in my mind. I have never experienced a storm like this in my lifetime, and my guess is neither have you.  So it’s only natural to have some fear and anxiety about what’s going on in our world today. I’d have to check your pulse if you haven’t. But I don’t want to stay there, do you? I don’t want my fear to win. I don’t want my anxious thoughts to keep me from living the life God wants me to live and doing what he wants me to do. What if He has prepared and equipped us for “such a time as this”?

I’ve spent the last couple weeks really praying and meditating over this invisible storm our world is currently fighting against.  I have tried to listen more than I speak, asking God to give me peace and direction through His Word. And WOW, the Lord has delivered! I can’t explain it any other way but that His Word has nestled into my heart and mind and replaced all those anxious thoughts. His Word has come alive like never before. The Bible is filled with words that always bring me peace, but I wanted to share just a couple that have really taken away those anxious thoughts in the middle of this raging storm.

THIS BATTLE IS HIS - No doubt God is up to something big with COVID-19. He has got the world’s attention for a reason, and I trust in Him. I trust in His timing and His ways through this storm. The battle is the Lord’s and He will be victorious! I’m just His foot soldier trying to follow His marching orders. 

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. (Psalm 18:2)

Who is the King of glory?  The Lord, strong and mighty; the Lord, invincible in battle. (Psalm 24:8)

OUR JOB IS TO STAY FOCUSED ON THE MISSION - We can’t let our minds camp out on those anxious thoughts for very long. I don’t know about you, but they suck the life out of me. That fear brings chaos into my world where there doesn’t have to be chaos. Those anxious thoughts distract me from my mission to bring God glory through it all. You and I have got to quickly take all of that captive and refocus our eyes back on the Lord. That is when He will fight our battles for us.  

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

HE’S OUR ANCHOR IN THE STORM - There is nothing that can blow us off course when Jesus Christ is the anchor for our soul.  That brings me great peace when the storm is raging. What is the anchor keeping you firm and secure through this storm?

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. (Hebrews 6:19). 

EVERYTHING ELSE IS SINKING SAND - At Rock Solid Families, we have built an entire ministry on the Rock Solid Foundation of Jesus Christ. We have sat with countless individuals and couples who have put their trust in something that has failed them. They come to us feeling stuck and sometimes even hopeless not knowing where to turn or what to do next. Whether it be a spouse, a job, or our health….it all can be taken from us in a blink of an eye. None of those things make a very strong foundation to build our lives on. Jesus tried to share this truth in his parable of the wise and foolish builders. (Matthew 7:24-27) Don’t give your circumstances the power to dictate your peace. You can decide today what you’re going to build your life on.  Is it your job? Is it your health? Is it your net worth? As we have found in the middle of this crisis, all of those things can disappear in an instant. And then what? 

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.  But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”(Matthew 7:24-27)

HE’S WAITING FOR US - In the story I mentioned before in Luke 4, it was only when the disciples cried out to Jesus that He calmed the storm. I’m not saying that one simple prayer is going to end COVID-19, but I am saying that the Lord is waiting for us to reach out to Him. He sees the storm, and He’s in control. He knows what lies ahead, but He’s waiting for us to trust him. We can be in the middle of a raging storm like COVID-19 and still find comfort, strength, and peace in the solid rock of Jesus Christ. Use these difficult days as weights that exercise and strengthen your faith muscles.  

I don’t know where you’re at right now, but that’s how I have found peace in the middle of this storm. It’s not because I know what tomorrow brings and how all this ends, but because I know HE is the Rock I cling to in the middle of this storm. He is the unshakable foundation that can’t be moved or knocked down even by the biggest waves. Jesus Christ is what brings me peace, not my circumstances. If you don’t know this peace that calms even the wildest storm, call me. I’d love to walk alongside you and introduce you to Him.  His name is Jesus, and He’s been waiting for you. 

Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. (Psalm 107:28-29)

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-38)

When Comfortable Becomes Painful

As I write this article, it is a windy and rainy thirty-five degree afternoon. Earlier today, I was driving up the interstate thinking to myself, “today would be a perfect day to find a recliner and take a long nap.”  You have to admit; days like these just have the couch screaming your name. Sometimes, there is nothing better than being warm and comfortable with no immediate responsibilities. Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? 

But what if there was such a thing as getting TOO comfortable!  On the surface, comfort seems like a legitimate and worthy goal.  After all, many of us work in order to make our lives more comfortable. The house we buy. The car we drive. The food we eat.  The clothes we wear, and the list goes on and on. Often, we can become so motivated to secure our comforts that we lose sight of a greater purpose in life. 

How can comfort lead us to pain?  This seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?  Isn’t comfort the absence of pain? I don’t know about you, but when my back is aching it’s pretty tough for me to get very comfortable. It’s not that comfort creates pain, but rather, comfort often leads to complacency which leads to pain.  It is in our complacency that we begin to find ourselves letting life pass us by. We become so comfortable that we don’t want to take the next risk. We’re afraid to challenge ourselves to do something that is difficult even though it may lead to greater rewards.  

We all seek a level of comfort.  Comfort allows us to rest, rejuvenate, and replenish our resources.  Comfort is like the “rest day” from the gym. Research shows that the rest day is just as important as the work day when it comes to being fit and getting stronger. The rest day allows the body to rebuild after being broken down.  It provides the opportunity for your energy levels to be restored. Rest provides a mental freshness and gives you the boost to go out and live another day! Comfort is important just as rest is important, however, we also know that too much rest can make us weak and frail.  If we have too much rest, we lose the ability to function physically and mentally as sharply as we are capable. Excessive rest leads to deterioration of the body. “If you don’t use it, you lose it!” This isn’t anything new. This is information that has been scientifically researched and verified for many years.  

“When comfort is the end goal, it actually becomes a trap.”

— Merrill Hutchinson

Comfort that leads to complacency also leads to deterioration-deterioration of a quality of life that we were capable of. Complacency prevents us from living our lives to its fullest potential.   When comfort is the end goal, it actually becomes a trap.  Living a life of passion and purpose means we will often be pulled into periods of discomfort.  If your goal is comfort, taking risks and setting big goals are usually not something you seek out. Risk, by its very nature, means you are subjecting yourself to discomfort. The important part that we often lose sight of is the correlation between risk and reward. Yes, risk may lead me into discomfort, but, if it is approached with a greater reward in mind, then it may become worth the risk.  Let’s be clear, this is not about making impulsive decisions based on our current mood or feelings. If the discomfort is going to be endless or downright damaging, then the risk may not be worth it. I say “may not”, only because we have seen many military and first responders take a risk that took their life or left them with permanent damage. I would argue that they fully believed that the risk they took was worth it. Thank God for their willingness and courage to walk away from comfort!     

What motivates you?  What is your purpose?  What are your gifts and talents?  If comfort is your top priority then I can guarantee you are on the fast track to complacency.  You will soon lack motivation, purpose, and the development and use of your gifts and talents. The end result is living a life of “what could have been”.  

Getting a little uncomfortable is what helps create the drive to move forward and live a life of no regrets.  My dad had a regular saying that he barked out to us kids as we were growing up. “Do something, even if it’s wrong!” These have been incredible words to live by as they have helped to create a meaningful and adventurous life.  My dad’s point was that you need to get ready to make mistakes, get uncomfortable, and get a little dirty in this thing called life. You will never know what could have been, if you are not willing to try.  

So, what does this type of pain look like when we get complacent, and how is it harmful? Often, it is not physical in nature.  Rather, it usually manifests itself as emotional or relational pain or in other words, a feeling of regret! It’s those unfulfilled dreams and unresolved problems we never tackled or pursued. This is where we see older folks begin to reflect on what could have been as they enter into the winter season of life.  I often think about the difference between a grumpy and happy old man. We all know older folks that fall into both camps. What’s behind their mindset?  

I believe a happy old man is one that believes his life has been rich and full of purpose.  He has lived a full life using his gifts and talents making a positive impact on this world.  On the other hand, I believe the grumpy old man is one who sees his life as a series of missed opportunities.  Often, he feels stuck with no way for life to get any better. Complacency has a terrible way of stealing your joy and taking away your fight. 

The grumpy old man is in terrible pain-pain in the realization that this is all his life has amounted to.  This emptiness is among the most painful things a person can endure. No body desires to live a meaningless life.  But when you evaluate your life in its later stages and cannot draw meaning and value from the way you have lived, you are left to think, “Is this all there is?”

A meaningful life well lived is one that often puts you in the cross hairs of discomfort and sacrifice. It is one that sometimes puts comfort at a distance. It allows for an itch that must be scratched.  It takes a willingness to make a few mistakes and get a little uncomfortable.  Are you on the road to being a grumpy old man or a happy one? The choice is yours to make. Make today the day you get out of your comfort zone and on the road to no regrets!

To hear more on this subject, check out Merrill and Linda’s recent podcast on Rock Solid Radio. Rock Solid Radio is also available on Spotify, IHeart Radio, Apple and Google Podcasts.